New piece I like. "I Hear an Explosion at the Gate."

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

I hear an explosion at the gate.

I hear them charging in.

In Faluja last year, this did not happen.

"Is there someone on your roof?"

I do not understand.

A man says "Is your roof a man?"

I do not understand.

They chatter in American.

I do not understand.

They take my boy.

I do not understand.

He's eleven.






They leave.

I do not understand.



His father and his uncles
say they'll make them pay.


This I understand.

End














This was inspired by the showing of Dreamland; Faluja (not the complete/right title) on Sundance where a crew followed a detachment during the precursor to the Faluja assault. The big question that kept coming up on Faluja streets was "Why did you take away the woman?' Following video showed American forces searching through Iraqi homes for weapons.

The video did not show any findings of weapons other than small arms.

It did show a lot of grief on both sides. And a lot of anger on both sides.

There was one soldier who kept asking "What the fuck are you looking at?" to the locals as they passed by.

They didn't understand.




Any critique is appreciated.

[Random_Australian]

1. Perhaps the word American is too familiar to convey the

sense of unfamiliarity... however you'll risk losing the piece's ability to bring back the responsibility onto Americans if you don't use it. Unfortunately, *ahem* my limited vocabulary has not suggested to me any replacements. Are there any recognisable but either disused or almost disused synonyms for American?

To the whole :applause:!





Light disclaimer, that was supposed to be taken as either constructive criticism or a slight suggestion, I certainly hope I did not come across as arrogant, petulant or picky. ;)