I really need some feedback.

[The Backlash Cometh]

I hope to write a story based on a journal entry I made, never got any real feedback when I posted - twice, but from a couple of people. I have a sociology degree and the points I made cut to the reasons why our communities are falling apart. At least, that's what I thought I was projecting in the post. If someone has time, can they look at the first entry in my journal, regarding Republican Capitalism, and let me know if it sounds like something that has the potential to grab a reader? Thanks.

[Orrex]

1. I'll take a look

One question before I start: do you intend the story to be fiction or non-fiction?

[sybylla]

2. If you fictionalize it and put characters in the middle of the worst

of that world you describe, I think it could grab readers. But you'll need to be careful it doesn't come off sounding like a Dickens novel - horribly dark and hopeless - which can turn readers off.

If fiction wasn't your plan, you'll have to come up with a way to get your readers to relate to what you're trying to say. The journal entry comes across a little preachy and a little didactic, which is fine when you're preaching to the choir. But average Joe and Jane only care about what affects their immediate world and they don't cotton to preaching or being told what to do.

I certainly think there is something there to be said. It's all in how you say it. Unfortunately, political essays aren't my schtick so I'm probably not much help.