‘Dr. Ruth’ to bisexuals: time to make a choice

[kweerwolf]

A noted and once immensely popular sex therapist is coming under fire for telling bisexuals to choose their sexual orientation, since there is no such thing as “a bisexual person.”

Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a pioneer in the field of psychosexual therapy during the 1980s, wrote in an early October syndicate of her twice-weekly column that, “everyone is either straight or gay.”

She was responding to a male letter writer who indicated he was becoming more attracted to men, although he has a steady girlfriend.

Westheimer, who also hosts her own radio program, “Sexually Speaking,” told the man that it wouldn’t be fair to experiment without his girlfriend knowing and to end the relationship with her.

http://www.nyblade.com/2005/11-4/news/national/ruth.cfm

[Teaser]

1. Well, she was right about one thing..

that it wouldn't be fair for the dude to experiment behind his gf's back.
If you feel the need to experiment outside of the current relationship, you owe it to your partner to tell them and to let them decide if they want to stay.

[swimmernsecretsea]

2. Is she still around?

It sounds as if she's saying she is suggesting that he break off his relationship with his girlfriend if he wants to experiment with sex with men, which I can understand, but if she is indeed suggesting that he "choose" then she's wrong to do so. She has no reason to suggest any such thing.

[xchrom]

3. lol -- good luck with that dr. ruth.

[yellowcanine]

4. If Dr. Ruth said "there is no such thing as a bisexual" she is wrong.

However I do believe that bisexuals are probably more one way than the other. I also believe that this might change over the course of a lifetime. From an evolutionary fitness point of view that could make sense. For example it makes sense that a woman might become more attracted to other woman after menopause.

[LynzM]

5. I agree.

I very much agree with the idea that sexuality is a continuum, and why shouldn't it be? To imply that someone must 'choose'... well, the whole point of 'choosing' is that they are attracted to both in the first place, right?

[yellowcanine]

7. Well having said that I think it is morally repugnant to go around

copulating more or less indiscriminately, regardless of one's sexual orientation(s).

[xchrom]

8. well shit -- i've been morally repugnant

with lots of people.

not too many complaints. thankfully.

:smoke:

[yellowcanine]

11. Note I said "indiscriminantly" As long as you at least looked them over

first I might give you a pass. Particularly if you sent flowers afterward and didn't pretend that you no longer knew them.

[xchrom]

18. i wouldn't want to pretend i didn't know them...

you never know when you'll be invited back.

[mitchtv]

20. It is a very definite sexual orientation

It is the "Julius Caesar "type. Every man's wife and every woman's husband. Read " The Circle of Sex" by Gavin Arthur. It's 3 o'clock on the wheel of sexuality that he constructs

[unblock]

10. i don't see an evolutionary advantage

and especially since homosexuality has not been proven to be a directly inherited trait.

in any event, nothing regarding female sexuality after menopause has much to do with evolution. neither advantage nor disadvantage.

[yellowcanine]

13. Well it is a bit more complex than that. The point is that if a woman has

already successfully reproduced and/or there is no possibility of future reproduction there will be fitness disadvantage to pursuing a same sex relationship. In fact there may be a fitness advantage if her partner is a surrogate grandparent to the grandchildren. There are more available older women than men so this would make some sense where an older woman has lost her spouse from death or divorce.

[donsu]

6. Dr. Ruth should retire - her mind is going

nt

[rock]

9. No such thing as bi-sexuals?

Then who is she addressing her statements to?

[MsUnderstood]

12. The tweeners

you know the ones who are between gay and straight (according to Ruth that is).

Dr. Ruth was right to tell the guy it is wrong to mess around with other guys while with his girlfriend. The guy shouldn't mess around at all when in a committed relationship because it gives his girlfriend a false sense of security--that she is the only one interacting with him.

But I think Kinsley scale is more accurate.

http://allies.tamu.edu/Did%20You%20Know/kinsey.htm

[kweerwolf]

14. Mixed feelings on the bisexual issue

On the one hand I know they are out there; but on the other hand, it seems that a lot of the guys I know who claim to be bisexual are using the term rather loosely.

To my way of thinking, a lot of the married guys I've meet who cruise men claim to be bisexual. In most of those instances - at least here in the Midwest - I think it's more a matter of their being married because of family/societal/business reasons, but then seeking out sex with men for purely recreational reasons.

Sorry, but that doesn't equate with bisexuality for me. That's more a case of "I fuck my wife because society expects me to, but I'll fuck a guy because that's what I really enjoy." One's sexual orientation is a matter of the gender(s) of whom one is attracted to sexually ... not the gender of the person someone is using to maintain a place in "respectable society."

That being said, I do believe there really are truly bisexual people. I also believe as same-sex attraction becomes more accepted in society, we'll see more bisexuality. I think the reason why no study has ever reproduced Kinsey's findings is that once science "defined" hetero- and homosexuality, it became a dichotomous system and people figured they had to declare one or the other. During that same time, there were tremendous forces at work urging people to be "straight" and now as those forces are lessening we'll see more fluidity in sexual orientation.

[Rowdyboy]

15. Bullshit...We had a joke in college: "Whats the difference in a gay guy

and a straight guy?"

And the answer

"A six-pack and a couple of joints"

Men come in all stripes of the spectrum. I'm 100% gay; Totally uninterested in women sexually. my best friend for the last 30 years is 80% straight. Not looking for it, but under the right circumstances he would consider an opportunity with the right man. Others I've known fall all over the place from one extreme to the other.

I like Dr Ruth but she's wrong on this one. Bisexuals are very real.

[Ian David]

22. Why is it the same people who believe in an invisible man in the sky...

who sees everything and can do anything can't bring themselves to believe in much more reasonable things like, "maybe some people enjoy both oysters and snails."

[insleeforprez]

16. I'm sure that there are some true bisexuals

However, it IS true that some gays use bisexuality as an intermediate step between heterosexuality and homosexuality (me included, for a while). So, it is some of both.

[kweerwolf]

17. Welcome to DU, insleeforprez!

:toast:

[Chovexani]

23. And some bisexuals use homosexuality as an intermediate step

Your point is?

[newyawker99]

25. Hi insleeforprez!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[terrya]

19. She's refuting Kinsey?

Sounds like it.

[Ian David]

21. It sounds like Dr. Ruth is bitter because her "Triad" just broke-up

It's okay, she and her husband will find someone else...

[Chovexani]

24. Dr. Ruth is a senile troll

Who really just needs to crawl back under her bridge.

I love that, in 2005, assclowns like this are still trying to invalidate the lives of millions of people for committing the cardinal sin of not fitting into other people's boxes.

[readmoreoften]

26. They make choices all the time!

Gosh he's hot. Oooh, so's she! How can you make a decision to stop liking stuff you like? Sounds kinda dumb. "I'm gonna stop liking what I like, so that a few people don't have to reorganize their perceptions of the world." Fair enough!