An opinion on families with gay/lesbian parents

[freethought]

With all the controversy about gay marriage and gay/lesbian parenting I am going to put in my two cents.
The thought of being raised by gay/lesbian parents seems odd since I was raised in a mother/father situation. However, the issue to me is what those children in those families will bring to us in adulthood. Are they stable and responsible? How do they treat those around them? How do they do in school? Are they secure with themselves or riddled with hang-ups? Do they mix well socially? Do they keep an open mind? Or do they constantly make snap judgements? What is the end product of that parenting? What is brought to society when the child becomes an adult? Ultimately, that is what counts. And that's how you should judge it.

[Kire]

1. okay, Stalin

what if the answers to those questions aren't what you want to hear? Is it Gulag time, or what?

[freethought]

9. If the answers if aren't what I want to hear then

there is not a damn thing I can do about it. No child will be 'perfect' as much as we would like to believe. No matter who raised them. And chances are as adults they will have some flaws just like the rest of us. Yet, some kids definitely turn out better than others.

[Kire]

10. not a damn thing you can do?

why ask them, then?

[MissWaverly]

12. gay question

My nephew is gay, he is a wonderful person, I think that being around him has enriched the lives of anyone who knows him. Would I say that he would make a good father, hell yes! Why can't a child be fortunate to have two parents that love them. It's like shoving our democracy on the Iraqi people. Maybe they would prefer their own values instead of ours.

[foreigncorrespondent]

2. I'm not going to answer any of your questions...

...but instead I am going to ask you one. How do you judge gay and lesbian families?

[RaleighNCDUer]

3. According to what I've read - and I have no links -

there is no, none, nada, zero, zilch difference between kids of hetero couples and kids of same sex couples.

Actually, I would expect the kids of same sex couples to be even more grounded, because of having to deal with such societal expectations as those listed at a much earlier age. Therefore they'd be more tolerant, more accepting of the 'other' because they've seen in their own lives that it makes no difference to be the 'other'.

[Sawber]

4. Not enough data

I doubt there is enough data out there to draw conclusions one way or another.

Of course you will have "good" and "bad" gay parents just like you have "good" and "bad" straight parents.

Also, you would have to consider all of the other factors such as socio-economic status, whether the home is stable, etc.

To draw any valid conclusions, you would need a large sample. I doubt that it is available because not many people have been raised by gay parents (either in a stable relationship or not).

Additionally, what criterion do you use to define stable, healthy, or happy? Arrest counts doesn't do much. Determining how many are seeking counseling (professtional or not) would be difficult and also would tell much because many prople don't seek such counseling, regardless of how screwed up or unhappy they are.

[freethought]

14. Arrests? Yikes.

Look even a well adjusted child/adolescent may have a brush with the law. I did once. Put the 'fear of God' into me, so to speak.

As far as establishing criteria to define, stable, healthy, and happy. I must admit I hadn't given it thought.

[geekgrrl]

5. well... here's a link to some info...

good questions-

I don't know what you mean about making "snap judgements" or "having hang ups". I am gay and have gay and straight friends and my straight friends seem to have just as many hang ups and issues as my gay friends do. I would think that the outcome would depend on the parents- good and bad outcomes could come with either straight or gay parents. How many people go to therapy to deal with their straight families?

But, again, these are good questions. I can point you to a source of info- http://newmedia.colorado.edu/~socwomen/socactivism/socialactivism.html

there is a fact sheet there on LGBT parenting (pdf). A lot of information, I know, but it is done by very good social scientists (I belong to the org that puts the fact sheets out). So read through it to answer some of your questions.

[freethought]

15. Wow, that's alot to read. n/t

[geekgrrl]

16. I know- if I had time I would do some cut/pasting of stuff from it

But it is worth reading through quickly.

of course, checking out DU every 20 minutes instead of working on this paper isn't helping...

[noamnety]

6. Same questions you'd ask of any family, really

Those are all valid concerns about people's parenting skills.

They aren't related to being straight or gay, so I'm not sure why exactly they are in this forum, but they are good questions, nonetheless.

Is that your point, that parenting skills are unrelated to sexual orientation?

[freethought]

13. Basicly, Yes! n/t

[freethought]

7. I believe my posting was misinterpreted.

It seems I have a raised a few ires here. The ultimate issue is not 'who'(referring to someone who may/may not be homosexual) but what the end results are. How do these kids turn out. Do they bring good qualities to society. If they are productive/responsible citizens, what does it matter?
The religious right has this opinion that a child brought up by same sex parents will be some sort of socially disfunctional freak. I know for a fact that is untrue.

[noamnety]

17. I suspected as much

It looked to me like you were saying these are the questions a judge should ask if awarding custody, or that an adoption agency should ask, instead of sexual orientation.

But I think folks interpreted it as you asking if there might be reasons that children of gay parents would be less well-adjusted than children of straight parents.

[sans qualia]

8. Speaking from personal experience...

My parents divorced in 1995 when my mom ran off with another girl. I was 9. Actually, it wasn't that bad, considering; they parted on very amicable terms, and my mom was careful not to move things too quickly with her new partner, whom my sister and I both already knew. Everybody acted exactly as they should have. I have no complaints.

I'm probably not the best example of a product of a same-sex household, though, since, you know, I eventually turned into a girl. Literally. And now I have all sorts of psychological and social problems, and I don't think anyone's ever accused me of being "stable." I don't blame my parents for any of that, of course. I mean, my sister turned out fine, but I'm still the kind of kid that fundie horror stories are made of. On the upside, I do well in school, I definitely think I keep an open mind, and people tell me I treat them well. Plus I'm a Democrat. :D So that's something, right?

[freethought]

11. That's definitley something!

It dosen't sound as if you tried to drown your problems with alcohol or tune them out with drugs. Which would be better, a male raise by homosexual parents who becomes a good husband or a male raised by straight parents who beats his wife?

[jedr]

18. having seen

children of same sex marriages and children from conservative Christean family's, I find the former to be better adjusted...and before I get hate mail please note that this is just my observation

[mitchtv]

19. welcome to DU, jedr

I doubt if you'll get much disagreement in this forum.

[TrogL]

20. I'm raising a daughter

It's no big deal. However, she's at a progressive school where having gay parents is actually a bonus- bragging rights.