Homophobic Rant about My Friend on Christmas!

[romantico]

Sorry for such a long post guys but I thought I'd share.

I spent the day with a friend of mine yesterday and he told me a story I thought I'd share. This will make you angry but it will also make you feel all warm inside.

My friend Matt is really close to his family. Matt is gay and has been with his boyfriend,Mark since he was a freshman in College. They are going on 6 years (both are 25 years old) Matt's family has had trouble with his homosexuality and have basically adopted a don't ask don't tell policy at their house.The family likes Mark, but have issues about them being together. Matt's older brother Steve got married this past summer when Matt and Mark were on vacation in Hawaii. Matt felt bad he missed it but Steve told him it was last minute and the only people who came were those who were around or available.He downplayed it and said it wasn't anything fancy,just simple.Matt also has a younger sister who's in college named Sara. Matt was excited because this Christmas he was coming home with Mark and his whole family would be together.

Once they got to the house Matt's parent's had one rule. Matt and Mark could NOT sleep in the same bedroom. Now, Steve and his new wife got their own room and Sara brought home her new boyfriend home who she has known for 4 months and they let the two of them sleep together in her room. But the couple who has been together the longest were not allowed. Rather than get angry, Mark agreed to take the sofa. They both agreed it wasn't worth arguing over.

Now, Mark makes pretty good money and Matt's parents asked Matt for some money about a year ago. Matt's dad and mom were having to work several more years and couldn't retire when they planned and they were having a difficult time. They gave his parent's $5,000. Mark told Matt to tell them its a gift and not a loan. Then over the summer Steve asked for money. He said they didn't get much from the wedding because it was all last minute and alot of guests who would have normally come didn't and they are really struggling. Steve's wife needed a car so, Mark and Matt GAVE them $8,000 about a month after the wedding.

Well, Matt came downstairs on Christmas eve and snuggled with Mark on the couch. He noticed a empty spot on a table like a picture had been removed. He looked around and found a photo in a frame of Steve and his wife in a church with the entire family around. He snooped around some more and found a wedding dvd dated July 2007. The two watched the wedding. It was a HUGE wedding in a church with about 200 guests. In the dvd at the reception Matt's mom is talking to family about how Matt couldn't be there because he had this trip planned for along time and just couldn't get away.He found cards and letters from family and friends talking about the wedding and learned that Matt's parent's did not think it was wise to invite Matt because he would have brought Mark and people would have asked too many questions and it would have made things complicated.(translation: They would have been embarrassed for the family and their friends to discover they had a gay for a son!) Apparently Steve and his wife requested he not be invited. It also turns out the money Matt and Mark gave his parents went to pay for alot of the wedding. Also turns out that Steve and his wife got ALOT of money from family and friends and that Matt's parent's told Steve to ask his brother for help because they are loaded and they can afford it.

Matt cried all night. He noticed on the fridge a picture of his sister and her boyfriend of 4 months. Pictures in drawers of Steve and his wife, and Sara with her past boyfriends but not one of Matt and Mark.(they send them pics on a regular basis) So, Matt and Mark decided to pack up and leave on Christmas eve. They took all the presents they brought back and put them in the car. He left the dvd,the picture,the letters and cards all on the dinning room table with a note that read"Your all dead to me. Don't ever contact me again". They drove all night and went to Mark's family's house.

Mark's family, who is very proud of their son welcomed Matt and felt his pain. They were angry and sad and told Matt that they were his family now to just forget them.He said the difference in the two family's is like night and day. He always liked Mark's family but never knew they were so sweet and understanding. This whole thing happening at Christmas seemed to bring Mark's family closer to the two.

I feel so bad for my friend. He really loves his family and even said he thought they were coming around. By the way, not one member of the family has called as of last night. When I first heard this I just made a fist and wanted to strike someone down. It made me SO ANGRY! Thank God he has such a great guy to help him get through this, but he's not gonna get over it anytime soon. If you all could just think of him and imagine what he must be going through, I'm sure he'd like that. Thanks!

[meegbear]

1. Words can't do justice to what I'm thinking ...

that was horrible for his family to do that. Just. Plain. Horrible.

[wtmusic]

2. This is too common

and it amazes me that a family is willing to throw their own son under the bus to maintain their "image".

It's their move.

[coffeenap]

3. I am a mom and I will indeed think of Matt. Thank you for

posting. I will never in my entire existence understand how a mother could stop showing affection toward a child because of his or her sexual orientation. It goes against every motherly instinct to push away a person you gave birth to and love. The pain in that family must be terrible. I feel for them all, but especially for Matt. We have straight people and gay people in my kids' circles. Thank gawd all the parents are fine with whatever they have turned out to be--mainly because they are all wonderful humans. But I tell you right now, if one of them was turned away by their parents, not only would they be welcome here but, as their friend, I would go directly to their family and risk being hated to enlighten them. I hope someone in Matt's world will do that.

Best wishes to Matt and Mark, and to you, and to anyone struggling with people who are too blind to see.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. thats just so sad.

[romantico]

5. Thanks

Of course, I need to have a talk with them when they are ready. They are WAY to generous and I would have walked out if I were not allowed to sleep with my lover of 6 years, especially since they asked for my help financially. These people are gold diggers and users. If they apologize it will only be to get more money.

They hate "their kind". They don't want you in their sleeping together. They don't want the neighbors to see you. They don't want pictures of you two around. They don;t want you at family events, but can you GIVE me some money?

Keep in mind they are both young and insecure. Matt seems desperate for his family's approval. I have said before but they are both very immature for their age, but both are the sweetest people you'll ever meet. By the way, Mark's father is a CEO of some company I can't think of off the top of my head, but on top of Mark having a good job he also has a rich family. Not sure if Matt's parent's know this or not, but I plan on telling them that they see a goldmine and they won't stop.

[Der Blaue Engel]

6. Wow. I think he made the right decision.

That is an incredible betrayal. :(

Hugs and good thoughts to Matt. :hug:

[dbackjon]

7. That is horrible

Matt made the right decision.

[sinkingfeeling]

8. Hard to believe that a family so concerned with their image would scam the young men out of money

and then turn their backs on them. I'm almost 60 years old and still will never understand how some people can be so hateful and cruel.

[givemebackmycountry]

9. Matt & Mark did the right thing and good for them!

I'm so sick of this shit.

I'm single and I'm straight and yet I'm totally supportive of people like Matt & Mark.
I hate discrimination of any kind, and it saddens me that people have to cut family out of their lives because of such a narrow mindset.
And here we are - in 2008 for Christ sakes - and most, if not all of the Republican candidates, would do the EXACT same thing to a lot of Matt & Marks and Marys & Melissa's if given the opportunity.

Matt got a raw deal from his family.
They raised him from a child to become a good person, and then they turned on him like being "gay" was the only thing about him that mattered.

No one has the right to tell you who you can love, and who you can't.

I'm angry too, and let Matt & Mark know that we have their backs here.
I for one wish them a long and happy life together.
Peace to them and to you too for a great story and for being a wonderful friend!

[unpossibles]

10. that is horrible, but at least has a somewhat happy ending with Mark's family

What shameless cowards those people must be. Of course, they probably do not see that they have done anything wrong, and likely even think Matt is over-reacting, which is beyond sad.

I have to applaud Matt's handling of the situation, and wish he had known their true colors earlier. I have had family issues with my dad and grandfather in my past for very similar things and I have no patience for it. I could give a shit less about my granddad (sadly) as he never once felt bad to the day he died about his homophobic and racist crap he's said about me and my friends, but my dad has really come around leaps and bounds as far as accepting me and my friends no matter what, and I have to give him credit for that. My aunt and uncle on the other side I've had estrangement issues with as well. They video taped my wedding, and kept coming up with excuses why they could not show us the tape, and we finally found out from my brother that it's because they were making shitty comments about our guests, mostly about my wife's man of honor who is also one of her best friends. They don't know we know, but it has been the last straw in a long string of events, and I am done with them until they apologize.

Give Matt a hug for me and tell him that sometimes the best family is the one we choose, not the ones we're related to.

[JohnnyLib2]

11. That's sad for the couple and it's alarming to realize that

homophobia is often right there--when we look for it.
I hope this couple can follow the path that others have taken, of finding a supportive community and leaving behind the hopeless cases.

[romantico]

12. Whats sad is

Matt says his parent's are not homophobic,despite what was done. Not sure if its my place, but the kid needs to wake up.I did talk to Mark and I told him that I can GUARANTEE his parents will come around and try to borrow more money. He agreed. They'll swallow some pride now that they know he's got money. Greed can make them change their minds and I just pray they don't tell Matt what he wants to hear just for money. I feel good that Mark thinks as I do and is onto them. Hopefully, he can get through to Matt in a kind gentle way. I think both are just incredibly naieve and I say that because I love them. They are both 25 (and as much as I love them both, they are immature for their age) I know 23 year old who are alot more sensible than that. Both have lived very sheltered lives and are very gullable. Having said that, they are the sweetest couple you'll ever meet. They'd give a total stranger a place to stay and a meal without hesitating. These kinds of people are taken advantage of the most and his parents are nothing more than golddiggers.

[troubleinwinter]

13. Some years ago, when my husband's half-sister 'came out' to her parents,

They entirely rejected it.

My husband said to her that he and I LOVED her, ACCEPTED her, and SUPPORTED her completely, and that she was OURS, and he was going to call their dad & her mother & tell them so right away. And he did, on no uncertain terms.

Eventually, with barely a relationship left, the old man died. She & her mother are entirely estranged.

My husband and I have had years of wonderful holidays and bar-b-que-hanging-on-the-patio days filled with love and joy and laughter with sister and her wonderful partner.

So who's the loser in this? Who cut off their own noses to spite their faces and lost out on the joy of their daughter and her partner?

And who has been bountifully enriched by a happy, fun and loving relationship with these young women?

Matt's family is impoverished (and I am not talking about finances). Mark's family is truly wealthy in having gained the joy of an additional son to LOVE.

[Chovexani]

14. Don't feel bad, this makes me want to hit people too

I'd say that I can't believe this shit, but... :(

I second the person upthread who said that this underscores the fact that family is who you choose it to be and not necessarily determined by blood or genes.

The nerve of those people, though! They can't let anyone know about the "leper" in their midst but they can hit him up for money? Fuck all of them. In the ear.

Matt and Mark did the right thing and thank Gods for Mark's family. I have a similar situation with my girlfriend...my family are born again megachurchers who could never deal with it, so I'm closeted to them and likely always will be. My GF's family OTOH is wonderfully supportive and treat me like a second daughter.

It's sad just how many situations there are out there like this.

[DCKit]

38. "Intentional Family" n/t

[FreeState]

15. Im so sorry for them

what a tragic way to spend the holidays. I have a very religious family and feel very lucky that they have embraced my partner as much as they have.

[qb]

16. Before I read the ending I was thinking...

dump the cold bastards and find a family that loves you. I'm glad he did, but I also understand how painful it is to split from your family. My heart goes out to Matt.

[DarkTirade]

17. I'd say he did the right thing. Just walk away from people like that.

It may hurt, but it's for the best.

Maybe one day they'll realize what their selfish and assholic actions did to their son/brother. Maybe not. But either way, it's best to just walk away.

[Downtown Hound]

18. Wow. How awful for him to go through.

He definitely made the right decision to walk out, but that doesn't make it any easier, just better in the long run. It's his family for God's sake.

And just so you know, one of the reasons why they might not have called him yet is because they are ashamed. On some level they know they acted disgracefully, and sometimes it's really hard to own up to that and look at the person you've fucked over so royally in the eye and admit what you've done.

Many good vibes to your friend. What an awful thing to have to go through.

[intheflow]

19. WTF is wrong with Matt's family?!

Good Lord, this is 2008, fer cripes sake! My heart goes out to Matt, who's the same age as my son. My son's straight, but I wouldn't care if he was gay as long as he found someone who loved and respected him. I want to reach out to Matt and adopt him. I'm sorry you had to post such a disturbing story, but I'm glad for the chance to let Matt know he is supported beyond his family's narrow (and manipulative) world view. I hope you share these responses with him.

[GardeningGal]

20. That's so sad.

If it were me, I'd change my phone numbers so they couldn't contact me. Agree with the others here who've said they'll be back when they need money again. I'd make it so they couldn't get in touch.

[LeftHander]

21. That is some "traditional family values" at work there....

That story made me cry...

I don't blame him for dis-owning them.

[Longhorn]

22. This just breaks my heart!

I'm so glad they left that horrid house and found some happiness with people who truly love them.

[SacredCow]

23. Wow....

So they can't deal with being around Mark, but are happy to take his money when offered? That's many, many levels of fucked-up!

Sorry to hear, but thanks for sharing. Props to Mark's family for being so great!

[grace0418]

31. Not only did they take money when offered but they had the gall to ASK for

a handout from the son/brother they deliberately deceived and excluded. Fuck those assholes. Matt's better off without them.

[ThomCat]

24. Wow.

To deliberately exclude him, lie to him, and then use him for his money... x(

They deserve to loose him. And they deserve to fall apart without him. It would be nice if they appologized, but what are the odds?

[lumberjack_jeff]

25. I'm happy that Matt has Mark's family to help.

Cutting off a portion of ones family is a very hard thing to do, but sometimes it is necessary.

Matt will miss them, and that void won't improve, but it's still the right thing.

I hate scammers.

[mitchtv]

26. sad, sad story

also a very old and typical story. I have been hearing variations most of my 63 years. Hateful staight people, family can be the worst. Good luck to your friends

[snappyturtle]

27. Sad. sad story. Why is it that the holidays seem to bring out the

best in some and the absolute worst in others? My son and daughter were treated terribly by my family this Christmas....I warned them and told them I would not, and did not attend, the "family" Christmas.

[dsc]

28. I am so trying not to cry

I hope that Matt decides never to speak to those people again, but I also know how hard that is. Like everyone else, please let him know that I am thinking of him. God bless him.

[Touchdown]

29. If I could venture a guess, I wager that...

Matt's Mother woke up first, saw the DVD and the note, then stashed everything away and tossed the note before anybody else woke up. I bet she didn't even bother to tell them that the cat's out of the bag. She of course wouldn't want to ruin their "perfect little Christmas" by talking about what the homos had done. Nasty little secrets begat other nasty little secrets.

It's horrible, but I disagree with everybody here. IMHO, Matt did not do the right thing.

What I would've done (being the vindictive asshole I am), is wait until everybody got out of bed, ask the college co-eds if they fucked last night, then tell them not to sit on the middle of the couch since it still might have cum on it... loudly.

Then, when breakfast is all ready, and everybody is all sat down. I'd throw the DVD and the cards right into the scrambled eggs, then pour pancake syrup all over them. Demand all my $12,000 back or threaten to turn them over to a collection agency, then storm out with my presents. This would cause a ruckus, put people in their place and destroy "their perfect little Christmas". And as I say with glee as I storm out of sight, Merry Christmas to Thee, you're lucky I didn't take the TV!":grr:

I really don't hold grudges.:D

[Huskerchub]

35. Am I as baaaaaaad as you?

I totally would have loved to do this, but most likely would not have had the guts to actually do it. BUT I like the thought!!

I would ad a little twist to this. Matt and Mark obviously have the money so I'd take out a full page ad in the local paper, pic of the happy couple and explain to the entire community that they are a proud gay couple and will not be treated as second class by a "loving family" and let the parents/sibs have mess to deal with.

[Touchdown]

39. Actually I wouldn't have the guts either.

Maybe confront them, but the pancake syrup is just a fantasy. This pissed me off so much my imagination gave me some ideas, and it's not even about me, but a couple I don't even know. My family accepts me just as I am, which is good for me and them. I never brought anyone home (never had a BF that lasted that long), but I doubt they would do the sleep in different rooms thing. They're not that naive.;)

In fact, my Mom tried to play Match-maker last year. Said she found a man my age, and he lives in town...trying to get me to move back to that dump I joined the Army to get away from, and wanted me to meet him. It didn't work out, thank the stars, as he was out of town when I visited. So pushy, but I love my Mom like a Goddess.

[grace0418]

30. It's Matt's family that loses in the end. Mark and Matt can live with love and integrity,

knowing that they were kind to Matt's family even when the kindness was not returned. Matt's family, OTOH, will have to live with their hateful actions for the rest of their lives, and will forever be poisoned by them. Even if they won't admit to themselves that they were wrong. The homophobia is bad enough, but to use Matt for his money then exclude him from the family is a new level of asshattery.

Hugs to Matt and Mark. And to Mark's family for knowing what love is about.

[romantico]

32. I plan on showing him the thread

so he can see how common strangers are reaching out to him. What really pisses me off is how the family really thought they were gonna keep this a secret. I mean, c'mon! 200 Guests? You know eventually family would get together and it would slip. Friends run into Matt at the mall or gas station and casually bring up the wedding. The family had to know it would catch up sooner or later.

I also failed to mention the reason why the family let his sister's BF sleep with her. Matt's boyfriend and Sara's boyfriend were gonna have to sleep in the living room. One on the couch the other on a air mattress. Sara's BF was afraid to be alone with Matt's BF and wasn't gonna come if he had to sleep near him. (I guess he thought the gay guy was gonna jump him or something, who knows?)So, in fear of ruining everyone's Christmas, they caved and let the heterosexual horndog BF of 4 motnhs shack up with their daughter. Family values at its best!

[dsc]

33. I had wondered about that

My family had a hard and fast rule, no marriage, no sleeping together which they enforced even handedly. Of course, it hit me harder than others but I had to acceed to that. But this just adds another layer to this whole mess.

[mitchtv]

36. The hight of hypocrisy

Imagine if Matt had no money?

[Chovexani]

37. ...wow

I have no words. :puke:

[SacredCow]

42. Man, it just keeps getting deeper and deeper....

I can not fathom any amount of apologies and/or groveling that would have to take place before I would speak to them again.

Hugs to you, Matt-

[GOPNotForMe]

34. People do the best they can... which is sadly not enough sometimes.

The family probably doesn't even know how to be any other way. Utterly tragic.

[DIKB]

40. Wow.

It sounds so similar to what I've heard about my brother's boyfriend's family. My family is completely accepting, and have no problems at all with the relationship, and it seems impossible to imagine how they could do that to their own son.

My brother is gay, I love him and I'm proud of him, all that he has accomplished and been through. If Matt's family can't say the same about their son and brother, then FUCK THEM! It's their loss.

[triakis36]

41. Confused

He found cards and letters from family and friends talking about the wedding and learned that Matt's parent's did not think it was wise to invite Matt because he would have brought Mark and people would have asked too many questions and it would have made things complicated.(translation: They would have been embarrassed for the family and their friends to discover they had a gay for a son!) Apparently Steve and his wife requested he not be invited. It also turns out the money Matt and Mark gave his parents went to pay for alot of the wedding. Also turns out that Steve and his wife got ALOT of money from family and friends and that Matt's parent's told Steve to ask his brother for help because they are loaded and they can afford it.

He discovered this scheming master plan in some letters? Not to be too critical, but I'm not following. Who details this kind of stuff in a letter? Whatever happened to just calling fellow conspirators?

Are you sure your friend didn't leave out the part where the DVD playing woke up the rest of the family and a nasty argument ensued where all the sordid lies were exposed?

[romantico]

43. no.

First he found a framed photo in a drawer from the wedding. That got him snooping around. They found some cards from the wedding. In one of the cards there was a note written by a family member talking about Matt not being there. It gave Matt some clues which he pieced together. Then they found the dvd. It was clearly marked and in with the the regular dvds. Both him and Mark stayed up and watched it. While watching it they realized it was bigger than they were led to believe and more people were there than they said. At the reception someone asked where Mattwas and Mom said he was on a trip with a friend. He had this trip planned and went on vacation. He was pissed because they made Matt sound like he would rather go on vacation then go to his own brother's wedding.So, alot of snooping gave them the answers they were looking for.No conspiracy. No arguments. NOTHING even close to what you suggest (as if you were there) Hope thats all cleared up.

[triakis36]

44. My apologies. Thank you for clarifying.

I'm just so intrigued, I'm curious for the whole story.

I understood the not invited to the wedding part, and the plan to keep them out of it. But what about the money? How did your friends find out that the money they gave to the parents was actually for the wedding? I'm assuming they determined the sibling was lying about needing money based off the number of guests that were actually there.

Forgive me for being so analytical. I just want to make sure I understand the whole story. I'm deeply saddened by the situation and I'm glad your friends have you to support them through this.

[Rhythm]

45. I admire the courage of these young men...

and i extend long-distance hugs to Matt and Mark, because this has to have been excrutiatingly horible to go through.

I'm just glad to hear that Mark's family has REAL values.

[2beToby]

46. No one is better off without their family

My thoughts and hopes go out to Matt and Mark, because this is only the beginning of a long-term heartache. It easy to say Matt's family are a bunch of assholes and don't deserve him, but what does he deserve? I hope for his sake they have a miraculous transformation and give him the love he deserves. I doubt it, but I hope. Gratitude to Mark's family for taking in another son. This kind of hate diminishes us all.

[Jella]

47. At 25, I know

it is hard to leave your family, especially if you do love them. I hope they have the strength to stick it out at least through the next Christmas. Unfortunately I've heard this story, (as well as the family swooping in when one partner dies) way to often in my years.

Best Wishes to Matt and Mark, and head up young persons.