My 17-year old daughter wants to move out

[TrogL]

and get an apartment with her boyfriend and his brother.

It's a rather complicated situation and to preserve their privacy I won't go into it other than to say it's primarily the brother driving this. He needs his own apartment and can't afford the rent.

They're simply not ready. They have no money, they're both still in high-school, he may have a job lined up but it's not well-paying. They have no furniture or kitchen stuff and neither can cook worth a damn.

I told them no, out of the question, but that we would spend the year getting them ready to do it next year when they graduate eg. buying up furniture, crockery, cutlery, getting them proper jobs or into a good school.

She is NOT amused.

Any suggestions?

[cally]

1. Is there any cousin, family friend, or mid-20 year old woman

that could talk to her? Every young woman I know who moved in with a boyfriend too young felt they made a mistake. It's too close to being married with none of the benefits. I would try to explain this to her but she may not listen to you. If she does do this, then try to make sure she can leave when it doesn't work out.

I would also explain that she can't legally leave home until she is 18 and graduates. Do everything you can to prevent this. She's nuts.

My 17 year old planned to leave and travel about a year ago. :eyes: We had endless arguments but I just said no. You can't leave the country without my permission. Thankfully, she's on a different path now. She's graduating and plans to work and then travel. Makes more sense to me.

[Madrone]

2. can't legally leave home until she is 18

Actually, that's not true. I left @ 17 and moved in with a man 17 years my senior. My mom called the cops - they told her @ 17 there was nothing they could do. Just FYI.

[TrogL]

3. Different jurisdiction

Plus I've got a maintenance enforcement agreement.

[knowbody0]

4. you and i have 17 year old daughters

who have silly ideas. mine graduated in february but does not start college until september. her guy pressures her to use her money to get "them" an apartment. i cringe at the sound of his voice, and always thank god when she comes thru the door.

[rbnyc]

5. I moved out when I was 17--BUT--

I had already graduated high school, I was going to college in the fall, and I lived alone with my dad who is an alcoholic and was in a very bad way at the time.

I would say you handled it perfectly, and of course she's going to be mad because she's 17 and she thinks she knows everything.

If she were thrilled with you, THEN you should be worried.

Good luck.

[TrogL]

6. She's got it sorted out

She just landed a full time job (which she can do 'cause she's part-time school). She's also doing occasional work for a company her sister works for - they're short staffed today. She and the vice-principal have worked a deal where she can challenge her final exams for most of her subjects now, and I'm gonna try to work something out with her social teacher ie. a "special project".

I'm calling it Project Alice. Eventually I had to explain it to her. I feel old.

Next year she'll homeschool (not the fundie kind) so I'll blow some of the dust off my B. Ed. and put it to use.

Her boyfriend has plans for tech school and his father will fund it.