Parental blues today. My husband too. Our oldest

[Ilsa]

is moderately autistic and is driving us nuts. I do laundry all the time to clean up the messes, wetting in the bed, wetting himself (even at school). I clean and everything is dirty again.

He's on meds (so am I, but for depression) for his stimulating behavior, aggression, ADHD, outbursts, etc. We're starting work with Applied Behavior Analysis professionals, but they are 100 miles away, and we haven't gotten started yet.

I can't keep my son interested in anything but destroying my home. We keep everything locked up all the time. If we forget, we pay.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays because that means he'll be home all day.

I don't need a night of respite. I need a cure.

[Ilsa]

1. Only Dec 4th and now I have a broken nutcracker (my brother

sent it to me from Germany) and a broken snow globe (grandmother sent from TN), broken antlers off reindeer, puff of Santa's cap. And all were done by both boys. It's going to be a long month.

[mzteris]

2. Is there a support group

in your area?

If not, at least an online group?

Do you have other family/friends that understand and can help out?

[Ilsa]

3. We used to attend a support group, but it just took up time, and

we didn't get much from it. We're awaiting help from a psychological (ABA) group out of HOuston. I don't need to feel better about what is happening. I need to change what is happening. Thanks for your interest. I guess I needed to vent. But unless you are in a similar deal, you can't imagine how weird it is to look forward to Mondays and dread weekends and holidays.

[mzteris]

4. It's not about feeling better.......

**I don't need to feel better about what is happening. I need to change what is happening. **

It's advice and support from people who have BTDT.

I get more and better advice from PEOPLE who've been in similiar situations to mine, rather than doctors and therapists. The doctors and therapists don't KNOW what it's like to live with issues 24/7 - other parents, do.

Also, just to know that others HAVE survived (and yeah, some even have it worse) somehow makes it a bit easier to deal with.

I may not be in the *same* situation, but we all have our own unique situations - that others can "never understand" (and probably wouldn't WANT to!) :)

[mopinko]

5. i hear ya

my daughter is bp, maybe borderline. she is more self destructive than what you are going through. she wouldn't break the snow globe, she would just steal it, and give it to someone else. but i do understand living in chaos and trying to keep your bearings.
i remember very well that day we admitted this kid to a psyche ward. we walked out of that hospital, feeling like monsters. we were so relieved, we deserved to feel relieved, but we felt like jerks instead.
there are no moments of satisfaction with a problem child like this, and you need those to keep going as a parent. the small successes always look so puny. that kid that you dreamed of when you were pregnant, and when you met that baby is never going to be. it is a loss, like a death.
and care for these kids is so fucked up. my kid is doing pretty well, but only because of the odd quirk that the school system ends up being responsible for kids like this, and we got her a good placement. i sure the heck understand being grateful for monday.
i dread her graduation in june. i predict she will spend the entire summer on my couch. she wants to go to college, and she is assured of a grant from the school she is in. but i cannot see her succeeding at this point. so we have to pour $10,000 or so down the toilet to prove we believe in her. i think working for a year or 2 first would give her some space to get her shit together, but the grant specifies that she go directly to a 4 year college. and that she go full time.
so, there you see it again. i should be happy that she wants to go, and that she can get some grants, and that she is being supported and encouraged. but i am dreading the whole thing.
vent away, dear. some of us here will get it.

[SW FL Dem]

6. I don't have any answers

but you have my sympathies.