So what do you guys think of bribing kids to get good behavior?

[wildeyed]

My four year old is getting up early everyday, which is exhausting her father and myself. For awhile I was using TV as a bribe. If she woke up after 7 am, she could watch TV that day, if she got up early, no TV. Then her little brother started getting his 2-yr molars and it snowed and got icy outside. So I have let them watch TV, even if she got up early, to help take the younger child's mind off his mouth pain and to preserve my sanity when I couldn't just send them outside to play. And of course my daughter recognizes my inconsistency and has been taking full advantage by getting up early.

I was thinking of going to a star method. Every day she gets up after 7, she gets a star. After a week or so, she can redeem the stars for a toy. She is obsessed with the brio trains. A new train car would be a powerful bribe.

But I worry, will this method teach her to be a little consumer, obsessed with getting more more more? Or am I over thinking this?

[Pithlet]

1. That's one of those things

that no one seems to agree about. I think that, as with most issues like that, balance is key. We do it sometimes with our oldest. Desperation can make a parent very resourceful :) As long as you balance it with positive reinforcement without a tangible reward, it probably won't do too much damage in the long run.

[SoCalDem]

2. Unfortunately each kid has their own circadian rythym

and you can actually screw up their sleeping patterns by messing with them..

We had one who would skeep til noon if we let him, and one who was awake before dawn no matter what time he went to sleep.

4 is old enough to sit her down and have a talk with her.. It sounds like it's the NOISE issue more than the sleeping issue.

What worked for us with our earlybird was to ask him to play quietly in his room until Mommy & Daddy got up..We always put their clothes in low drawers, so he would dress himself, and play in his room until we got up..

You might try rewards (not exactly bribes).. something like.."When Mommy & Daddy get a good night's sleep, they are in a better mood, and that's a great thing when you want to go somewhere or do something special..

4 is not too young to manage a bowl of cereal and milk, if she's hungry.. Put some milk in a small container though, so you don't have to clean up a gallon of milk dropped on the floor..

If she's a reader, buy her some books or take her to the library to get some "earlybird" books..

[wildeyed]

3. Yes, I meant play quietly and not wake mommy and daddy up.

Maybe I will go to the library and check out some special morning only books. Sneak them into her room after she goes to sleep at night so they will be new and interesting in the AM.

She hasn't always been an early bird. This is a more recent development. But for the past six months or so, she really fights sleep, including naps. She gets so tired it is almost painful to see. I guess she is so interested in everything, she hates to miss out, even for a much needed nap.

[SoCalDem]

4. Don't worry.. When she starts school, you will have to use blasting caps

to wake her.. It's a perverse fact that once they HAVE to get up early, they no longer WANT to :evilgrin:

[fortyfeetunder]

12. You got that right

My kid now (7) damn if he will wake before 7 on school days, but Saturday morning he's up as early as 6 AM.

[John Q. Citizen]

13. Good tips. n/t

[trotsky]

5. It has its time & place, I think.

Every situation is unique, and I'm finding that as a parent sometimes you just gotta do what works.

Just don't think of it as a bribe - it's a REWARD. ;-)

By the way, yesterday (Sunday) morning, our nearly 6-y.o. came into our room at about 6am, almost vibrating with energy. We asked him why he was up already, and he said "I'm too excited to sleep." Naturally, it being an average Sunday, we inquired further as to why he was excited. "I need to paint! I want to paint a dolphin in the ocean!"

We had a great laugh. Sure, it's a pain to get woken up early but it won't last forever and at least you have some nice memories like that.

[wildeyed]

9. A dolphin in the ocean?

Well I can see what he means. That is an exciting thing to paint :)

[fortyfeetunder]

15. Yes, the early morning conversations

I remember my kid waking me up early one summer morning talking about space travel. He couldn't have been more than 4, and when I came to, I was thinking I was dreaming...but he was sitting on the bed...LOL...

[OnionPatch]

6. Bribing? I see it differently...

When my daughter (my first and only child) became old enough to reason with, it felt strange to me. It really did feel like bribing! I've come to look at it differently now. I see it as consequences and privileges now. If she does not cooperate and get ready for school willingly, then there will be no time to watch a few minutes of Scooby, but if she cooperates and gets ready in time, there will be time to watch a few moments of Scooby. If she behaves while we're in the store, she earns a small treat. If not, the treat is forfeited. Consequences and priveleges...that's what it is. Not bribing. Bribing is something you do with adults that usually concerns excessive amounts of money.

Your situation might need to be tweaked without the false promises. Don't say "no TV" when really you know you will let them watch...pick something you can stick with. As for getting up early, we had the same problem so we started sending her to bed a little later. A little child can only sleep so long. Lolling around in bed in the morning is an adult thing, not something you will get your little one to do easily.

[wildeyed]

8. Privileges in our house are TV, a cookie after dinner,

going to the park in the afternoon. I don't feel bad taking away those privileges as a consequence for a negative action. Hit your brother on the swings? Oops, we leave the park early. Refuse to eat a single bite of healthy dinner? Oops, no cookie. But the buying of gifts for good behavior would be something new for us. And it somehow feels wrong to me, so I have decided not to do it. If her behavior was more extreme, I would not hesitate to try it, so I am not judging those who use such a system. Just don't think it is right for us now.

I don't think the problem is too much sleep. She is soooo tired these days. I think she doesn't want to miss anything new by sleeping!

[OnionPatch]

10. I think I gave

the wrong impression. I don't usually like to buy gifts as bribes either, it was a bad example.... but we go to the grocery weekly, and it's just ritual that she gets a little treat. (I get a treat too, usually a chocolate bar :9 ) She doesn't actually get the treat for good behavior, however, she may lose the privilege of getting the treat for bad behavior.

[detroitguy]

7. Everybody does it...

...to some degree. But I usually make sure my son asks nicely. "I WANT TV NOW" won't cut it, But if he says "Dad, may I please watch some Sesame Street?" I may give in and "bribe" him with TV or whatever in exchange for good behavior.

But I also try to use mild "negative bribes" in many situations in which I really need specific kinds of cooperation. "Son," I'll say, "You can give me that toy truck and we'll put it away if it is going to keep you from putting on your pajamas." Or "If Big Bird is keeping you from getting dressed, we'll have to turn off the TV."

I do this nicely. And I always follow through. But if he cooperates right away, I'll often give back the toy, turn the TV back on, etc.

[Tab]

11. I had the same problem

6:30... then 6... then finally it worked its way all the way back to 4:30. He'd been waking up, then wanting to go watch TV. At 6:30, I didn't mind. At 4:30 a.m., I did.

He had a good (large-numbered) digital clock in his room. Finally I told him he couldn't come out until 7 (he could come out to pee, or if there was an emergency), but we wouldn't be "getting up" until 7. If he woke up early, he could look at books, or draw or play quietly, or whatever.

For a little bit he'd do that, then fall back to sleep, then eventually get to where he just started sleeping through (realizing he couldn't watch TV at 4 a.m.), and now he regularly gets up at 7. Even if he's up at 6:15 he's just quiet until 7.

I don't know if the star stuff would help. Kids at the age of 4 are pretty much in the immediacy of the thing - a week seems like forever.

[SmokingJacket]

14. I think a certain amount of bribery is fine.

I persuaded both my kids to use the potty by using Thomas trains!

Asking a kid to do something for which he has no motivation is kind of unfair -- I mean, you could say "I'm boss, so listen to me!" but I prefer to throw my weight around only when I really need to.

My son gets a story in my bed in the morning if he waits quietly until 7, but no story if he wakes me at 5. That way, we're both rewarded for the behavior.

And I've noticed that you don't have to keep upping the bribes, either -- the need for them usually fades away. My older son sleeps late without a bribe. (But now he gets stickers for practicing his instrument -- and the older he gets the more practicing is its own reward, so I think that'll stop eventually too.)

I think of bribes as a substitute for the motivation they don't have yet, because they're too young, and a way to make their good behavior as rewarding to them as it is to me.

[wildeyed]

16. My kids would do anything for Thomas trains.

They know all the different train names and collect them. My daughter obsesses over the catalog. She points out different items and says, "Mommy, I wish to have this!" in a hopeful little voice. They are mucho expensive, so I mostly let the grandparents do the honors.

We finally broke down and did the bribing for the extra sleep. Nothing else was working, and both my husband and I need allot of sleep to function. It is working superbly. The whole family seems happier. So far, so good.

[NMDemDist2]

17. not a parent here, but I was your 4 year old and my mom used to

put my "breakfast" in the refridge (a bowl of cereal, a small cream pitcher of milk and some fruit or juice in a sippy cup) and I was a "big girl" and "made" my own breakfast and watched cartoons until Mother got up

cartoons started EARLY in the 50's so maybe today just have a video in for her ready to go

it wasn't about bribery, rather it seems I remember her trusting me and letting me take my own temperature on what worked for me even as a 5 year old.

like I said, I am only relaying my experience but I have fond memories of those mornings :)

[wildeyed]

18. I am afraid that if I let her do that, the fridge would be open

until I got up. Maybe she is still a bit young. She is only turned four in Dec. Or maybe she is my first and therefore I tend to coddle her a bit. She IS kind of a princess. Recently we have been having lots of discussions about how she shouldn't ask grown-ups to do things for her that she can do for herself.

I could try leaving out a juice box and some dry cereal. :freak:

But that wouldn't give her the personal satisfaction of making breakfast for herself. :sigh: Parenting; it is a process, not and event.

[NMDemDist2]

19. i'm sure you're right, IIRC i was about 5 then

that's a world of difference at that age i suppose

maybe a little "close the refridgerator" training is in order LOL