Still missing little Katherine... and I feel like crap. :-(

[Lisa0825]

I'm sorry to dump here again. I just need to vent a little. Apparently I have screwed up yet again. The lady who nursed Katherine to health as a tiny baby will be taking over setting the traps. I wish they'd have taken it on in the first place, since I have never done this before.

I barely slept last night, every sound waking me up. I checked the traps at 3am and never fell back to sleep. I moved the traps this morning because I was supposed to be having my roof replaced today, but it won't happen today after all. Anyway, I put a trap near the alley, away from the house. Angie went by to check on it, and someone's cat was in it, and it was being bitten by ants. I'd forgotten to put down the Sevin Dust she left because I was half-asleep and foggy from being tired. They told me it could have died from the ants.

In addition, since no cats were in the traps overnight, and usually cats are all over my area, I thought maybe if I put some food out in the open, they'll start coming around again, and then I can stop and put it in the traps. I was told I shouldn't have put any out. I'd also spread wet food on the driveway and sprinkled dry food down the alley, like I read about doing. All wrong, according to them. I just can't do anything right.

I saw Angie last night, and she was crying over Katherine. It hurts so much to know I caused all this.

I just emailed the shelter owner to tell her I won't be coming in for a while. I just can't handle being around people I have let down.

:cry:

[BrklynLiberal]

1. Lisa! You are doing the best you can. You did not do any of this on

purpose.
We all know how much you love these little furbabies, and that you would have traded places and been lost outside instead of them if you could have. :)

As for the trap setting and all, you are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Give yourself a bit of a break. You have gotten back 2 out of the three escapees...and that is great news.
No doubt Katherine WILL show up.

No take a couple of deep breaths, try to relax a bit, keep a positive attitude, and know that we are all here for you, no matter what the final outcome. We know where your heart is.



:hug: :pals: :loveya:

PS Spend some time giving some extra love and attention to those furbabies that are with you now, Chance and Momma Michele. Not only will they benefit from the extra attention, I think you will too. And of course, Jennings could use some of that attention as well.
Do you have any other little furbabies in the house?

[Lisa0825]

3. Thanks.

Actually, I think Jennings is a bit jealous of Chance, now that Chance finally WANTS my attention! I was actually feeling better until today when I got the call about my latest mistake.

I was supposed to go to the office to work on the shelter website tonight, but I am too tired. I think I will have to stay home and try to go to bed early.

[BrklynLiberal]

4. Sleep is a great healer. Make sure you are surrounded by purring kitties.

:hug:
A little Rescue Remedy and Rocky Road Ice Cream and off to bed for you and the kitties.

[IndyOp]

2. Lisa - You have done just great by your foster kitties...

I am sure that your heart is breaking for more than one reason - so my first suggestion is: Be gentle with yourself.

If anyone is treating you badly over this, that is a shame, because there aren't enough perfect people in the world to rescue all of the animals that need to be rescued (and to do everything important in our world that needs to be done). I am far from perfect, but I have to do what I can do to make the world better, and so do we all.

Lorien - who is a Rescue Goddess as far as I am concerned - had several of her foster kitties die of FLVP. She worked so hard to clean and make sure they would not get it, then her heart broke when the kitties died, and then she was criticized by the people in her rescue/foster group. I think that stinks.

I've been involved with people who foster/rescue and generally they are wonderful people, but they can sometimes be soooooo attached to the furry babies that they fail to show the same love to the furless (human) babies.

We all let each other down everyday, even when we are trying hard to be good and kind. I suggest that, if you can, you could stay in frequent contact with the kind person who runs the cat house - she sounds experienced, practical, and kind. This situation is actually a good chance for you to experiment with staying in a situation in which you think people are upset with you for letting them down.

No matter who you think you let down you are still a wonderful person who does far more good in this world than many -- just ask Chance -- he'll tell you...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Lisa0825]

5. Thanks to both of you....

I just touched up my makeup, and now I'm messing it up again... thanks for the kind words. That's what I really needed today. :hug:

I don't think anyone means to treat me badly. Angie is just hurting terribly, and Wydell is great, but tends to be blunt at times, and I tend to be too sensitive and take things very personally.

[IndyOp]

7. A therapist once told me...

that the only people who are 'hypersensitive' are the ones who have gotten beaten up for being sensitive.

Sensitive is good!

:-)

[japple]

6. The fact that Chance and Michelle came back is

a testament to the good work you did with your fosters. Lisa, you need to stop beating yourself up over this. There's still a chance that Katherine will find her way back to you. Just try to send love and positive energy to her. Visualize her finding her way back to your home. I like the idea (above) about giving extra attention to Chance and Michelle--you'll all appreciate it. BTW, I don't know if you believe in such things (I do) but I've read that cats are very telepathic, and, just as with people, each has an over-soul (or higher self). Try to get yourself into a deeply relaxed state and ask Michelle and Chance to communicate with Katherine to help her get back home. It's worth a try.

YOU'VE DONE A VERY GOOD JOB WITH YOUR FOSTER KITTIES.

[Lisa0825]

8. Thanks.

I have been thinking "to" Katherine, talking her home. Having Chance and Michelle back was really making me feel better, especially with Chance finally showing affection. Today it was just really hard to hear how upset Angie is, and that (in their view) I made another mistake. I'll be OK. I just needed some sympathy. Thanks for your reply. I'll tell Kathering hello for you ;)

[Suziq]

9. Lisa Please . . .

You do such wonderful things for the kitties in your charge. Please stop beating yourself up. Sometimes things don't go the way you would like it. Shit happens.

Chance and Michelle came back. Katherine will hopefully return shortly. I am sending positive vibes for her safe return.



:hug:

[Lisa0825]

10. Sorry... I was doing better until the phone call today.

I just need to get home and get some kitty lovin' to feel better. :hug:

[CottonBear]

11. I'm sorry you're feeling down Lisa. Don't beat yourself up.

It took me a week to get my little lost deaf kitty back. Don't give up hope. Get some sleep. Try not to totally exhaust yourself. (I know you're tired, upset, anxious and worried.) Eat some healthy food and drink lots of water.

Only you know your kitty's personality and behavior. Do what YOU think is right to catch her. Use you gut instincts as to where she might be and bait/search there. I sent the pet detective info to you as a beginning point or reference point. You need to follow your instincts. If the kitty was formerly feral or was very new to you, the traps may work very well.

Take care of yourself, keep serching and don't give up hope!

:hug: CB

[Lisa0825]

12. I only had her less than 2 months.

She was born feral, but rescued and bottle fed, so she has only known the indoors. She's sweet when she wants to be, but isn't the type to come to you when it's YOUR idea. She got out once a couple weeks ago, and I had to literally snatch her as she dodged my grabs. So, I don't think looking for her will even do much good. I think she'll have to come looking for me or for food. The shelter folks are going to take over the trapping. Part of me is relieved, because they know what they are doing more than I do. But it still stings, because the reason they took over is because they didn't think I was doing things right. Oh well... hopefully this will all pass quickly.

Thanks so much for everything you sent me. I gave it a shot, but now it's up to them.

:pals:

[CottonBear]

13. You are very welcome.

:hug:

[okasha]

14. You're doing things just fine, Lisa.

After all, you got back 6 or 7 kitties out of 7 or 8--depending on how many Mama Michelle is. That's a pretty good score. Let the shelter folks spell you while you recoup a bit and keep on doing what you think should be done to get Katherine home.

[prozacnation]

15. In the first year that I've fostered I've managed to ...

have two cats escape (never to be found again), a scared dog jump over a fence and escape (she was found eventually but was so far gone that she had to be euthanized), cats, kittens, dogs and puppies get sick and even die. I lost several kittens and a puppy to diseases. I have mourned every loss, regretted every mistake I've made and then tried to pick myself up and move on. I rescue animals because I love them but that doesn't make me perfect. I try to focus on the happy endings. I feel good about the many cats and dogs I've adopted out to great homes.

There isn't a single person in my rescue group that I know who hasn't made a mistake. These are people with years of experience under their belts.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person and you deserve a lot of credit! Not many people are willing to step up and even try to do animal rescue. I really hope that you start to feel better soon.

[meti57b]

16. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel ....

A couple weeks ago I couldn't find one of mine and thought he had gotten out. I put up "lost cat" signs on the street corners, knocked on doors, reported it to the local spca, searched the neighborhood, looked in open garages. As it grew dark, I came home feeling so desolate, like half of me was missing and gone. Although I felt I would never see my cat again, I asked my husband to be sure to wake me up if somehow anyone found him. I headed for the bedroom and there was the cat ... just sitting there!!! He had found some new hiding place inside, that we have yet to discover.

I got lucky, but I did experience how it feels and I know. It hurts. It really hurts! It hasn't been that long since you lost your little cat. Cats do come back again. We hear stories all the time about how someone's cat came back after a few days, a week, ... my dentist's cat came back after a month!

I'm sending lots of good kitty karma your way for a fast return of your little cat!! Hang in there!!

[Lisa0825]

17. Thank you everyone.

I am at the shelter now. I came in after hours to update their website. I have kitties crawling all over me as I try to type :loveya:

I am feeling better now. I exchanged emails with another volunteer, who shared her mistakes and made me feel less guilty too.

When I got home tonight, Chance "made me" give him a 30 minute kitty rub-down. I think he knew I needed the attention.

Thanks so much for all the positivity. I know I'll get past this. I hope Angie will. and I hope little Katherine is OK.

Goodnight.

:pals:

[legally blonde]

18. I wish there was something more I could say

but I think that you've already received far better advice than I could ever give you. Please take care of yourself. :hug:

[wildeyed]

19. Don't quit!

You got 6 of the 7 kitties back so far, and likely you will find the 7th. That is 6 or 7 lives saved, plus the others that you already placed! The world is an ever so slightly kinder place because you cared enough to step forward and help. Don't beat yourself up over a small mistake. You are doing your best, but mistakes happen. If people at the shelter are being harsh, it is their problem, not yours. They should have given you better direction if they had a certain way of doing things. Some people just have bad communication skills, you know? :hug:

[roguevalley]

20. sweetie, if you do what you can, you have nothing to feel bad about

nothing is worse to an animal lover to feel they didn't do right. Your heart is clear. A good person worries about these things, a bad person doesn't. you are not a bad person.