Motivation, Angst, and Priority Issues

[FirstLight]

so here's an update on the new job...
I love it, i am catching on and I think I could eventually be prretty good for this company...

BUT

I wake up in the wee hours worrying about things I might have forgotten to do, or should have done days ago...
like I'm going to be 'found out' and the powners are going to think I am bullshitting them to get paid more...

I feel like i am behind the curve on the technology, and though I want to sit down and read the info or watch the tutorial,
it's like the other stuff I am supposed to be doing is more important and i can't figure out what to do first.

one minute i feel confident and the next i feel like a sham, or like i may never understand how to multi-task and not get mired by the details
the overwhelming-ness of my own inability to time manage, or the fact that I have been an official slacker for 2 years while being unempployed is coming to haunt me...maybe I really am a slacker and i will never live up to the expectations?

the bosses have lots of confidence in me, they like me and think I am doing well..if i screw up on one thing, i work harder and try to redeem myself by fixing three more things...

my biggest issue in my SELF is the constant feeling like i am just treading water
I feel like i am falling behind every day
like i have to do ALL my tasks now - can't figure out how to prioritize, my brain starts to cloud up, literally...and i freeze like a deer in the headlights.

help!

[FirstLight]

1. you know what's even weirder...?

I worry about calling the boss, like they are going to ask me about something i haven't done...
and then i do, and EVERYTHING'S FINE!

what is up with my stupid insecurities?

[I Have A Dream]

2. I think that Capricorns tend to feel very insecure.

I got this from a site online:

Capricorn is fear-based. You’re plagued with insecurity, and afraid you’re not good enough. This makes virtually everything you do exceedingly difficult.

<snip>

I am telling you that your progress is slow, and your lessons are learned the hard way, but you win the race in the end. They say Capricorn is the crème that rises to the top, so just think about that. Crème separates from the dross slowly, but inevitably. And this is your track in this life.

Read more: http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/trouble-connecting-stellium-in-capricorn-astrology/page-2/#ixzz1Bh5frKuG

Of course there are exceptions, but I think that this is true in reference to pure Capricorn energy. I know that it's true for me.

Just be gentle with yourself. You're in a learning period, and hopefully the owners understand that it will take time for you to get up to speed. As long as they do, try to cut yourself a break. I have to tell myself that all the time. Many people do things faster than me, but I'll always outlast them over the long-haul. Slow but steady... there's no shame in that. (From one Goat to another.)

:hug:

[FirstLight]

3. slow & steady...

ya, and the ultimate twist of the knife in my own innards is the lack of PATIENCE i come with!

but i feel like the hare, simultaneously running six different directions...and none of them productive... am i just psyching myself out, or what?

in the meantime, I also feel like my personal responsibilities are falling apart...haven;t been able to clean the bathroom in weeks, the laundry is clean, but all over my floor and room, and i have legal stuff and welfare stuff i am lagging on too...

i just need to be able to separate into three or four differnt 'selves' for a day or so, and get shit DONE!!!

[Flying Dream Blues]

12. I agree with what IHAD says (another Cap here)

and just remember that we Cappies aren't the ones who like to "fly by the seat of our pants" but take our confidence from having slowly and steadily learned everything through hard, diligent work. Since you're doing just that right now, when you feel anxious, try to remember all the other times you've been faced with something new and ended up feeling really good about it after a little while. This one will come, too, and all your hard work will (and is already, it sounds like) pay off.

Being new for Cappies, we who value and deman competence and excellence from ourselves, is a scary place, but I know you are getting there! Be kind to yourself, and remind yourself of what you've already learned in such a short time. And remember, they are giving you positive feedback, too!

:hug:

:hi:

[MorningGlow]

4. Aw.

:hug:

Sounds like you've been "off the bicycle" for a long time and you're afraid you're going to topple over. I get that; I haven't worked full time in four years--if I had to go back to work tomorrow I'd be terrified. So you get extra points for simply DOING it!

Deep breaths, sistah. You know you can do this. Love yourself, give yourself a break. Sounds like your employers are more easygoing about your new job than you are!
:rofl:

You'll be fine. :hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

5. There is a similarity to issues which can occur in addiction.

The "less than" feeling which generates constant "audition" with others, the sense of imminent "being found out", overgeneralized anxiety...ego issues. Little bit of worthiness stuff going on? ;)

Our relationships with ourselves can become quite bad, and we're certainly not taught to make it a good one, with all of the negative messages spewing forth from advertising, etc. One of my teachers has a set of tools for making a better self-relationship, including the affirmations, told to yourself in the mirror, looking yourself in the eye until you smile: "I'm sorry I believed them and not you. I'm sorry that I thought you were the problem and not their attitude." And more.

Peace.

[FirstLight]

6. well, i'd like to think I am above all that !

negative self talk and other messages, ya sure they play a part.

most of it is the feeling of having been "out of the loop" for so long, I forget I know how to do the things I know how to do!

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. Getting back on the bike you've already learned to ride is so much easier

than learning to stay on it in the first place. :)

My guides like to carry me beyond where I think (there's that dread "T" word, beware) I can go or can do. I surrender and just go with it regardless of the feelings and thoughts and later, find that it's not so bad as I was telling myself. And sometimes the underlying issues come to light...and are overcome.

You're doing better than you think you are. Inhale and take some time to be Thankful about the good things in your life. That always places things in a higher vibration and sets a new position from which to function.

[eilen]

7. Take a deep breath FL.

First, you are new to the job. Second, you have enthusiasm and willingness to learn. Third, you put sincere effort into doing a good job. This is the best any employer can hope for. You are not expected to be "perfect" or to operate like an employee who has been there for the past 20 years.

I think you might do well to focus. Determine what your priorities are for that day-- it is best to keep them simple- determine the Top 3 and work on those first. Then deal with the other stuff like phone messages, emails, files -- the clutter. Follow that up with one tutorial. Multi tasking is overrated. It scatters our attention and focus and detracts the quality of our work. This really works for any job. If you work in reception, your job's purpose is to keep the phones under control. Having a good knowledge base of how the phone system works is a priority, then comes the other areas.

It is important to be very patient with yourself in the beginning of things, and be kind to yourself. When you have those thoughts about forgetting something, keep a notebook and write them down. Once you have noted it, you can let it go and take the book with you to work the next day. Then it has been addressed and not forgotten again in the swirl of the day's tasks and events only to creep back into your mind after dinner.

I think you can be very proud of yourself. You have worked very hard to find this job and have endured a fair bit of suffering and worry about managing survival. It is not an easy transition. You are very brave to start this new job and put yourself out there. I wish you positive energy and to feel the confidence of your guides in you. Good fortune.

[japple]

8. Eilen, I couldn't have said it any better. Ditto what you said.

FirstLight, be patient with yourself and remember that it will take months to learn your job, and a lot longer than that to master it.

Asking the universe to send you peace and calm. :hug:

[Metta]

10. From where I sit ...,

it sounds as if you're assuming you're the only one available to do your tasks. You make no mention of inviting the available higher resources you have to help you or of surrendering your doubts, fears and conflicts to them to take care of so they don't trouble your sleep and come back to haunt you.

Have you thought of asking a boss what the priority is between watching or reading for information? You're asking for information, simple as that.

Mood swings are normal where energy is flowing, especially these days and, for you, in these new circumstances.

You feel like you're treading water because you're in motion and at the same time you're where you are, if that makes sense. You feel the flow of the currents of time and energy and being at the spot you're in. If you surrender your conflict, you'll be able to enjoy the ride more and the creataive currents will flow through you more easily in stead of getting jammed up by blocks.

Exciting times.

[WhiteTara]

11. I always hated being "new" too.

It'll get better in a very short time.