What is UP this week? ...will it get better?

[FirstLight]

I know I am not the only one here with a bowl full of issues and worries and stuff to deal with this week... :wtf:

I am really finding myself in panic and depression mode - but then fluxuating between that and moments of , "wow, look what i did!"

This wild ride is getting bumpy and I'm just not sure what to do but just try and put one foot in front of the other and keep walking... but sheesh! what a struggle it seems like. I keep wondering how I am going to do this, how to make it through another week on $10... how to get up in the morning and push forward, how to deal with LIFE when my first instinct is to burrow in and just give up.
I have tried to be aware of my words because I don't want to inadvertently tell the universe that I don't want to be here...it seems that since the veil is so thin, it doesn't take much to end up 'popping out' and taking the bench while the shift happens. But lord, i sure wouldn;t mind a little break. I love my life, don;t get me wrong, i just need something to give.

So tomorrow i am lugging myself to the Green Families Fair to have a small booth and pass out info on community gardening and such. It isn;t really something that will make me any money, it isn't even my 'line of work' but I feel strongly enough about it to try.
I keep telling myself that just showing up is the necessary step... but damn, that first step is such a doozy!

i know i am making no sense this morning, just need to rant and cry and hide and scream and freak out a bit
thanks for listening

[FirstLight]

1. closing my bank acct too...

can't live like this anymore...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1141154

[Proud_Lefty]

2. I've been trying to respond to you on Facebook

but it started acting up on me. Can't even get in.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Even though the Green Families Fair isn't going to make you a lot of money, doing something that doesn't cost you money and is good for the wellbeing of others, including Mama Earth, is a good thing. Hang in there, my friend, and try to always keep an upbeat attitude. Even though it seems bleak, the positive attitude can indeed carry you through. It's almost magical how it works.

Much love and light to you in the days ahead. And know that you are not alone. :loveya:

:hug:

[FirstLight]

3. thanks hun...

:hug:

I am sitting here wondering how much of this paradigm is the CAUSE for my depression and feelings of failure and lack?

the beliefs that i have nothing, that my credit sucks, that i am unworthy, that i will never have a house of my own or that i have 'always' been bad with money...

perhaps unplugging from the paradigm is the answer to overcoming it?

[Proud_Lefty]

4. Depends on what you mean by "unplugging"

Giving up and/or thinking you're worthless is nothing but disaster. Despite whatever happens, you are an incredible light force and here to shine through all of it. The hard times we go through are always lessons, sometimes karmic, but we all learn the most from the hard times we've endured. The harder the lesson, the stronger we can become IF we don't allow ourselves to play the victim.

You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are part of God, you are part of all of us, and we are part of you.

As our world is gearing up to 2012, all the crap is being brought to the surface to be cleaned up and done away with. It's supposed to be difficult right now for most, if not all of us. We all need to band together and help each other through these times, but we are so conditioned to think of ourselves and only of others if it doesn't interfere with our own needs. It has to change, and I sincerely believe it will.

I'm also hearing a lot about fighting back, stop being so obedient. Something about this rings so loud within me. I've always been obedient and doing the "right thing" and where does it get us. If that's what you mean by unplug (like closing your bank account), I'm with you on that. It really is time to stand up for ourselves and stop playing by the insane rules set up by the ones who only wish to imprison us and have been successful at it for way too long.

If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. You can PM me anytime. Again, you are not alone.

[Melissa G]

5. Excellent shift idea!

Ditch the narrative that is not giving you good results. Invent a new happier narrative. Good Plan! Yay First Light! :hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

9. The old has failed YOU. YOU have not failed.

[kimmerspixelated]

10. Hey First Light!

I know just how you feel. I think there is hope on the horizon... I feel like I've been bad with money too and I see the problems it has caused, and it hangs on me heavily, but a simple shift is to arrange whatever coins or dollar bills you have neatly within your billfold or purse. Tending to the placement of cash, so that it is not sloppy in the way it lays in your purse or whatever is one of the small but first steps to respecting money/worth and the universe receives that energy in a good way and reflects it back. There's a money alchemist called Morgana and she says to refer to your revenue/income as your money honey...I thought it was interesting.

[FirstLight]

6. Just realized what it is...

You're right, the breaking down of things is difficult, but perhaos it is easier for those of us who are not so 'enmeshed' in it too...

There is a reason for me being the one who could never color inside the lines

When i quit this last job, i said to myself that i was ONLY going to follow my gifts and talents and passion.
Included in this list is my desire to build community, gardening for food, sharing ceremony, and communications

I have a booth at this fair tomorrow and feel like this whiole week i have been DRAGGING myself there...like it is a huge energy drain and i am just so wiped out even before i begin. i also realize that my mother (damn harbinger of dread) has been saying thing like, 'how do you get paid for that?"
My payment is in mny connections, my showing up, my desire to put my flyers out on the table and see who is willing to come.
i think i am getting that now.

need to refresh, i have been cooped up and stressed out all week.
Before i go challenge the Bank and take care of any more 'business' I need to soothe my spirit
gonna go find a stream and write poetry in the sun for a little while
and thank the goddess that i live in the woods!

[Mnemosyne]

7. I hear you, FL.

:hug::loveya::hug:

[FirstLight]

8. aaaahhh...!

that's the answer to everything for me.... go get lost in the woods for a spell

sky so blue today you can almost see space on the other side (altitude rocks!)
the mtns are so white they look like they are a CGI movie backdrop
everything budding out, no leaves yet
you can smell the sap rising in the trees

just to si in that belssed silence and warmth and feel the LIGHT
now i guess i can take a shower, put on my big girl panties and DEAL with it! ;)
:P

oh, and i found a new altar and circle area for forest ceremony too...teehee!