all of a sudden I am feeling sorry for myself

[Celebration]

And it is the WORST FEELING! I hate it. I love being stoic, independent, etc.

Well, darn it, I broke my ankle last Friday and found out yesterday it needs SURGICAL REPAIR, which will mean six weeks with no weight at all on it. Furthermore it is my right foot, so no driving. I am already feeling very stuck and so forth. And good grief I have been putting minimal amount of weight on the boot, and crutches, and that is hard enough.

At first my husband was trying to tell me I didn't need a wheelchair :wtf: You see when he was much younger he had a tendon operation and HE didn't have a wheelchair. Needless to say I was always home to get him various things he needed, but now I will be home by myself. I've tried it and do think I can probably go twenty feet or so on crutches and no weight bearing before collapsing. I'm trying to build up my upper body strength before all this takes place. Needless to say I am going to rent a wheelchair. I don't have the strength, balance or support that he had in his thirties ("Don't worry. You'll get used to the crutches.")

The good news is that for ankle surgery, it is pretty standard repair two hour operation. Plus I have a lot of confidence in the surgeon. I think it will be Monday.

So last night for the first time in ages I listened to Monroe Institute meditation thing I have, because I could tell I was in fight or flight mode! The neighbor's dog was barking, and I spent the first couple of minutes trying to get comfortable. I found my mind wandering but it was relaxing. Then they counted to twenty, and by twenty I was supposed to be asleep. I remember laughing at that at about number sixteen, and that is the last I remember. I was out!!

Now, though I am feeling more relaxed, I have this horrible feeling of being sorry for myself, and, to top it off, I feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself, because of all my blessings, etc.

So please send vibes to me so I will stop feeling sorry for myself, or to the extent that I do, to stop feeling guilty about it.

Oh, there is no telling what kind of stuff I will be posting here over the next few weeks. Keep in mind I'm going to be a bit bored so I might be more conversational and wackier than usual.

In the meantime, I recommend the Monroe Institute material http://www.monroeinstitute.org/hemi-sync/ for a quick and painless way to get into a meditative state.

I have confirmed yet again that radiation above background level causes all kinds of difficulties for the auric field. It should be checked after Xrays, airplane flights, etc. I was a mess after all the Xrays!

[LiberalEsto]

1. sending hugs

:hug:

[get the red out]

2. +1

:hug:

[BlueIris]

3. Oh, no! (((( Celebration ))))

My mother and I send positive energy. Best of luck with the surgery.

[Celebration]

19. You are so sweet to do that

Ironically, the surgeon operated on the son of my internal medicine doctor. He absolutely raved about him. The son had a severely fractured arm in several places and now it is completely normal.
Small world. I think we are just a large small town here.

[Kind of Blue]

4. Sending to you big time, Celebration,

that your surgery will go smoothly and you'll recover quickly. :hug: :hug: :hug:

It seems like a good time to get into the hemi-sync tapes. I remember my first conscious OBE was listening to the tapes. I hope you report of any adventures and insights. Thanks for the link, I haven't been there for a while. Have you read any of his books?

[Celebration]

6. No, I haven't

I think the Hemi Sync stuff is the best out there for binaural beats, and there is lots of good stuff out there. I loved it when I started getting third eye stuff going on. That's when I knew it was working even while I was annoyed at the constant barking of the neighbor dog. :rofl:

But I ordered some other CDs of theirs that were supposed to facilitate OBEs and they didn't do much for me. So far I am an OBE free person! Maybe I will try the Hemi Sync tapes along with pain killers the doctors prescribe and see if the combo can land me on Mars for the next six weeks :silly:

[Kind of Blue]

8. Yeah, the tapes are awesome.

I know what you mean, the other Hemi-sync tapes, the meditation ones, just put me to sleep. I didn't dare try the Super Sleep CD. I first read his autobio Journeys Out of Body after my NDE, trying to understand what the heck happened.

But if you get to Mars, please investigate that head and report back :)

Get well very soon!

[Howler]

5. Ouch!!!!

I'm so sorry Celebration.:hug:

[Celebration]

7. Thanks ALL for your well wishes!

In general I try to see silver linings if possible. Maybe I will learn something about myself in the next six weeks.

Now, instead of a wheelchair I am considering renting a non motorized sitting scooter. Anyone know anyone who has used something like this? It looks like a lot more fun than crutches or a wheelchair. I like my grandson's scooter anyway. There is a park here with miles of level asphalt paths. I can probably talk hubby, or even my daughter into going there a couple of times a week. Having a scooter that I can propel myself with one foot allows me at least some semblance of independence. I REALLY don't like being dependent!

http://www.goodbyecrutches.com/products/seated-scooter/

Okay, off to try to learn something about numerology.

[laylah]

9. Hugs, healing, and loving thoughts

sent your way, Celebration :hug:

Sometimes husbands just don't "get" it. I broke my ankle a week before my 50th birthday. THE NEXT DAY I asked for some help with something, and my husband said I had to learn to take care of myself since I would be home alone. I took 2 steps with the VERY unfamiliar crutches, and fell flat on my face...God/dess love him.:sarcasm:

Personally, I can understand feeling sorry for oneself in the situation you are describing, especially if you are an active soul, as you sound to me, to be. Be gentle with you. Being stoic and independent are good things. I also believe we are given lessons of humility, this may be one of those?

Take care and please keep us updated.

[BanzaiBonnie]

10. Please allow for compassion

I know it's uncomfortable to feel sorry for oneself. We've all been told, suck it up, get over it, quit your boohooing, others are much worse off than you are. I would really recommend that you allow yourself some time to go ahead and let those feelings come to the surface. You'll get through this much more easily and won't carry more baggage if you actually have some respect for those feelings and process them through to an end.

You're feeling guilty, probably because someone said, early in your life, that you don't deserve to have those feelings or that you SHOULDN'T have those feelings. But they are human feelings and perfectly legitimate.


May I offer you some empathy?

What happened sucks. It sucks even more that the injury needs surgical repair. I'm guessing you're scared because you don't know yet how you're going to fend for yourself. You need care and consideration. Are you feeling lonely? Like no one else understands? Are you dreading the prospect of the recuperative period? Are you worried about how you are going to manage?

Those are just some guesses as to how you're feeling right now. Some may be correct, some may not be correct. They are feelings. Allow yourself time to process and feel all this without judging your feelings as good/bad, right/wrong. It will aide you in the healing process if you allow yourself to feel what you feel. Then you won't get stuck in the feelings, or the feelings get stuck in your body.

Dear Celebration, breaking an ankle is a horrendous injury. Having compassion for yourself will aide in healing the whole of your person. Many hugs.

[Celebration]

11. Thanks

Even though I know all this, it helps to be told, :hug:

Thanks for the non guilty vibes!

[BanzaiBonnie]

12. NVC stuff is something we already know intuitively

Rosenberg believes it to be our natural way to communicate because it's wired in our brains.

In the NVC trainings I attend, we can get to some really beautiful healing in a very short time. Sit and talk with four or five others and feel yourself not only surrounded by love, but immersed in it. It doesn't quite get there via computer.

In our area, we've had four teen suicides in as many months. I think ow alone thye must have felt and hopeless to do sucha thing. I dream of the time when there are empathy groups available everywhere. Places where people can be go for a fill up of their spirit. Places that nourish what is alive in them and helps them see that we all share the same needs and the solution is the same ~ compassion.

[Flying Dream Blues]

14. I second Bonnie's post...

I hope you will be kind to yourself and allow yourself space to process the natural emotions that anyone would be having. The irony of feeling guilty for "feeling sorry for oneself" while knowing others have it so much worse is that no matter how bad someone's situation seems, there is always someone who is worse off. So to follow that to its logical conclusion, no one deserves to feel sorry for oneself! :) So, I say, truly, WE ALL DO at one time or another...and allowing yourself to feel it for a while will more than likely help it to resolve better than fighting it off ever could.

It is only human, I think! I hope you get the scooter, and that your thoughts of getting to the park on a nice day help you feel better about this time ahead. And, that life will soon be a Celebration for you once again! Lots of healing vibes to you!

:hug: :hug:

[Celebration]

17. I like your logic n/t

[Matariki]

13. As I am reading this

a friend is having the front half of his foot removed due to complications from diabetes. The surgery is probably happening right this minute as a matter of fact.

[Celebration]

16. I'm so sorry

That really sucks.

[Fire Walk With Me]

15. Take some time to sit, breathe, and be good to yourself.

:hugs:

[Celebration]

18. Thanks, I will

I need to keep listening to the Monroe CDs. They make be breathe more deeply without thinking about it.

[NJCher]

20. take advantage?

Wow, Celebration, I am sorry to hear this.

If I was in your situation, I'd be throwin' myself a pity party the likes of which had never been seen before.

But then after that I'd chalk up a list of stuff that I could do while in this situation that I probably wouldn't do if I were more mobile. Take advantage of the situation, so to speak. The meditation exercises would fall into that category, I think.




Cher

[PinkTiger]

21. Here's a Big HUG.

Just remember what I keep telling myself: today is what we have, and we can do whatever we want with it. Hope things get better for you today. And thanks for your encouragement to me.

[SheilaT]

22. First of all, as soon as your husband

gets within reach, smack him! Okay, I guess I shouldn't advocate violence, but still. He had a freaking TENDON operation, not surgery on a foot that kept him off his feet for six weeks. Plus, you're however much older now than he was then. PLUS, he's a guy, and so he automatically has better upper body strength.

When I was six and a half months pregnant with my first, I broke an ankle. It was a non-displaced spiral fracture, so nothing complicated, but I was on crutches for about six weeks, then got a walking cast, which I still had on when my son was born. The interesting thing about being on crutches when so pregnant, is that my center of gravity was constantly moving, plus of course I was gaining weight steadily. I couldn't go too far on the crutches, and my elbows got very sore even the short distance I was using them. Several times I fell, only it was never an uncontrolled fall, always I went down very slowly. But it was almost impossible to get up by myself when that happened.

I chose to view it as a grand adventure. After a while it was a little like being famous, because people would recognize me -- this very pregnant lady on crutches. The one good thing was I didn't have to wait in line anywhere. People would take one look at me and step aside every time!

The scooter sounds like a cool idea. But you might need to use crutches to cover short distances anyway.

[Celebration]

23. LOL, he is mellowing

Plus he practiced with my crutches going upstairs and couldn't do it! Actually he was off his feet for about eight weeks and did well with crutches and had no wheelchair. But your other points REALLY make a huge difference. I'm not sure even the smallest wheelchair can fit through my kitchen door which would be a pain.

Pregnant with a broken ankle??? OMG...........not an adventure that I would have wanted. But I guess it is a good thing you could walk by the time the baby came.

Thanks for your good thoughts!

[SheilaT]

24. And to garner further sympathy, we were living

on the second floor of a two-story house. I didn't even try to leave for the first week. Then, because I was taking two classes at the University of Minnesota -- and it was already mid-November -- I absolutely had to get back to school. I did keep on thinking that I was glad this happened before, not after the baby.

I try to take the attitude that everything is an adventure. That's what I would tell my passengers (I was an airline ticket agent for ten years) when flights were delayed or cancelled or we lost their luggage. If everything went smoothly, what would you talk about?

[snot]

25. A knee walker might be an alternative to consider.

[Celebration]

26. Yep

I'll order either the knee walker or the sitting scooter thing this week, and it will come in two days. There is a pretty good place to rent them. I will probably decide based on the wheel base. However, I remember not liking kneeling in church. I think I could stay on the sitting one a lot longer.

[Why Syzygy]

27. Hope you're feeling better!

Energetic thoughts are with you today.