"Spiritual Grime" removal goes horribly wrong:

[regularguy]

Excerpts:
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LUCILLE HAMILTON paid $621 to have her "spiritual grime" removed by a voodoo high priest in an ordinary townhouse on a winding street in Camden County, a friend said.By Saturday night Hamilton was dead, and authorities are awaiting results of an autopsy and toxicology tests to determine exactly what happened. No charges have been filed.

According to his Web site, Hector also runs an online store out of the home, called Botanica Santa Clara, where customers can purchase candles, books, and La Bomba, a "spiritual floorwash" that removes evil from the home.
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http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20090714_VOODOO_BECAME_A_FATAL_OBSESSION.html

Ugh.

[Silent3]

1. How could you not trust this guy as your "voodoo high priest"?

If you don't even have to work on the packaging and presentation of bullshit woo harder than this, I'm just a few scruple bypasses short of being able to make a fortune off the gullible. I certainly don't lack the minimal talent and imagination it would require.

The story as reported is vague about what really happened. I can't tell if the "priest" here actually did anything dangerous that resulted in this woman's death, or if she just happened to die while the woo was going on.

WILD SPECULATION ALERT: Even if there was nothing inherently dangerous about the ritual per se, I can easily imagine someone having a seizure or attack of some sort during such a ritual, and rather than others seeking immediate medical attention, they interpret the symptoms as a struggle with a demon or evil spirit, or some such nonsense.

[regularguy]

2. C'mon,

nothing say "spiritual" more than some cycling shorts wrapped around one's head.

[Silent3]

3. Depends on who's still wearing them.

:evilgrin:

[moggie]

4. Why is he dressed like a giant parrot?

And why is he touching the Virgin Mary inappropriately?

[regularguy]

6. He's checking her for spiritual grime.

Why do you have to make everything dirty?!?!?!?
:9

[lizerdbits]

9. That's not the Virgin Mary, she was pasty white

Read your bible you heretic! All those paintings of her are pasty white because she was kidnapped from northern Europe and dragged to another part of the world where everyone else is brown or black. Sinner!

[mr blur]

5. At those picese he could afford a proper voodoo hat

like this one:

[moggie]

7. But then he would look silly!

[dropkickpa]

8. D'oh! He forgot to change out of his pirate costume!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM0WfBnPBdw

[onager]

10. But it can't hurt! Why do you hate freedom of religion?!

For a look at an even worse case, Google "Dora Cisneros."

17-yr-old boy breaks up with girl. Happens every day. But in this case, girl's mom had a long relationship with a local curandero, a Mexican psychic/faith healer and reader of "Spanish tarot cards." Which seem to work every bit as well as the gringo version:

In both trials, prosecutors presented witnesses who testified that Mrs. Cisneros first asked a folk healer to cast a fatal spell on Fischer for breaking up with her daughter. The fortuneteller, Maria Mercedes Martinez, says she declined, prompting Mrs. Cisneros to inquire if Ms. Martinez knew anyone who could kill Fischer.

That's when Ms. Martinez set the wheels in motion through Daniel Garza, a lovelorn San Antonio housepainter who had sought Ms. Martinez' help for marital troubles.

IOW, when the fatal spell didn't work, the woo-woo hired a hitman.

http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/051398/072-3999.001.shtml

[charlie]

13. Or try "Jessica Bain Carson"

for a DIY exorcism that took a turn outside the bounds of humanity.

"The child had been beaten so much we couldn’t tell how many times it was hit and then there were more than 20 bite marks on her body," Humber told the The Tyler Morning Telegraph. "The bottom line regardless of any stories is that they killed that sweet little innocent child."

http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/07/16/crimesider/entry5164868.shtml

Detectives said at the time Carson and Milam beat the child multiple times with a hammer then bit the child more than 30 times.

The indictments against the couple state the defendants also caused the child's death by striking her against objects and by strangulation.

http://www.tylerpaper.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090715/NEWS01/907159996

That's a 13-month-old toddler they're talking about, BTW.

[salvorhardin]

11. Spiritual floorwash?

That's sheer genius! If cleanliness = godliness, then surely dirt = evil. We're always tracking dirt onto our floors, therefore our floors are infested with evil. The syllogistic logic is beautiful!

Of course, this means the inside of my microwave is evil incarnate.

[moggie]

14. Of course floors become evil

Evil is heavier than air, so any evil around tends to sink to floor level; conversely, good is lighter than air, and rises. This is also why being on top of a mountain (or even a high building) feels so great, why dungeons are built underground, and why heaven is up while hell is down.

This is why I plan to market helium bottles as a "home aura detox kit". The particles of evil bind to the helium atoms and are carried harmlessly away, with no need for tedious floor-cleaning. As a bonus, you sound like a cartoon character all day, and we all know that good triumphs over evil in cartoons.

[Nevernose]

16. YOu know, if you sold the helium as "ionized, lighter-than-air particles"

you could really be on to something. It's really important in the world of woo, I've noticed, to work in the word "ionized" whenever possible. And if you could work feng shui into your "home aura detox kit," you'd be the Bill Gates of woo. Or maybe the feng shui could be an extra add-on, a little something to attract repeat customers...

[moggie]

17. I tried to get into feng shui

I went to the feng shui section of the local newage bookshop, but it was laid out all wrong, and drained my qi.

I like "ionized", but my absolute fave is "vibrational energies". Really got to get that on the packaging.

[regularguy]

15. I could use some spiritual cat litter....

[woo me with science]

12. But...But....Alternative medicine is more compassionate! nt