Critical new study the government doesn't want you to hear!

[SemiCharmedQuark]

This is all based on top research I conducted over a period of 10 minutes at a Denny's.

I'm sure you are all aware of our FASCIST government's attempts to force us to buy their chemically treated swill from MONSATAN. The critical question is...why?

I was mulling it over this morning while at breakfast with my grandma. As she was finishing up her Moon Over My Hammie, the answer just came to me ( no doubt in the form of healing light from one of you- come forward and I will make a donation to Natural News in your honor!)

See, my grandma grew up during the depression. They got milk directly from a cow. And my grandma never had ebola I proceeded with rigorous testing of my hypothesis.

"Did you ever have ebola when you were little?" She said she had not and asked what brought oon the question. I explained my (now confirmed) hypothesis (or is it a Law now? Anyway its better than a theory). She started talking about how her mother would boil the milk before they drank it after a bunch of them got sick once...I dunno I stopped paying attention. Old people's memories aren't too reliable, you know?

Anyway, I just thought you deserved to know the TRUTH. Look for my article to be featured on HuffPo.

PS I'm also conducting research that shows raw milk prevents tiger attacks. Based on interview with my grandma this is looking promising. Also, a side effect of raw milk may apparently be Great Depressions. This confirms what I have suspected all along--ultimately Wall Street is behind this.

[realisticphish]

1. +1

[Anarcho-Socialist]

2. People survived for thousands of years on raw milk

It's funny that ever since milk started to be pasturized and the invention of the smallpox vaccine that autism came out of nowhere and went up and up!!!

(inserts link to bad correlation/causation graph which he did in MS Paint)

[onager]

3. My anecdotal Third World research partly agrees.

When I was in Egypt, a few times I drank water-buffalo milk literally straight from the animal. I did this because it would have been rude not to, in the circumstances. I didn't want to piss off the local village folks who were nice enough to offer me something they considered a great treat.

I never got sick, so I'm shopping right now for a good water buffalo here in Los Angeles. I live in a condo, but it has a garage.

Of course, those local folks drank raw milk every day. From cows, goats and water-buffalo. I was in Lower (Northern) Egypt, but I hear that in the deserts, a yummy treat is sour camel milk. If offered that one, I might have risked pissing off the locals...

Then there was another treat I was frequently offered, one I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot yak pole. During festivals and the like, Egyptian kids eat some no-god-awful concoction of milk, sugar and flavorings in a plastic bag.

The kids in my neighborhood (in Alexandria) were always offering me that stuff. (I lived in Alexandria, but worked out in the country, in the Nile Delta. For Egyptophiles, near the city of Dammanhor - one of the very few Egyptian cities to retain its Old Egyptian name. It means "City of Horus.")

Occasionally, some Alexandrian vendor would pull a fast one and use bad milk. A bunch of kids would get sick with raging diarrhea. (Reported in the newspapers as the neat euphemism "cobbly-wobblies."). Then the parents or cops would track down the vendor and have a chat with him. Sometimes these chats also made the papers, generally with the headline "Sweets Seller Beaten."

[lizerdbits]

4. On top of that

I make my own mayonnaise with raw eggs and have never had ebola or been attacked by a tiger. We need to rise up against the fascists that want us to buy Hellmans! Sure, I will make a cooked version when making it for anyone other than myself, but that's irrelevant.