Post Your Drummer Jokes Here!

[Beetwasher]

Hee hee!

[asthmaticeog]

1. How can you tell when a drummer's standing perfectly level?

There's drool coming out of BOTH sides of his mouth.

[Beetwasher]

2. Oooh! A New One!

Hadn't heard that one before! And it's a good one!

[BlueEyedSon]

11. How do you know it's a drummer at the door?

The knocking speeds up.

[Beaverhausen]

3. What is the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

I know...old joke.

[rbnyc]

27. My husband is a drummer...

...and a Stay at Home Dad. I've heard this one a few times. Also...What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

[livinginphotographs]

4. What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

[slutticus]

5. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

[livinginphotographs]

8. Replace Neil Peart with Stuart Copeland....

And you'd be most of the drummers I know.

[slutticus]

9. Actually...

...my drum god is Danny Carey. Hands Down...no argument. But I know If I told Danny Carey that...he would kick me in the balls and tell me to go listen to Aloke Dutta...so go figure....

[one_true_leroy]

6. How do you keep a drummer quiet?

Start up a metronome.

[no name no slogan]

7. How does a drummer turn on the lights in the morning?

Kicks open his car door. :dunce:

[jdots]

10. old one

what has 3 legs and a dick ?
a drum stool (rim shot)

[BlueEyedSon]

12. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?

Took 2 hours to get the drummer out.

[asthmaticeog]

13. AAAAAAHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Never heard that one - that's good!

[Beaverhausen]

14. more jokes

Johnny to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!

Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

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Q What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A A drummer.

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Q How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

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Q What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A "Hey, guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Q What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A "Would you like fries with that?"

[darkstar]

15. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They've got a machine that you can program to do that now.

[darkstar]

16. Oh yeah. What's the difference between a drummer and a pig?

A pig won't stay up to 5:30 in the morning to to have sex with a drummer.

[EarlG]

17. An explorer is on an expedition through the jungle

As he and his guide are hacking their way through the trees, they suddenly hear the sound of jungle drums in the distance. The explorer is worried, and stops.

"What's that drumming?" he asks.

"Don't worry about the drumming," replies the guide. "Worry about when the drums stop."

"Why, what happens when the drums stop?"

"When the drums stop, very bad news," replies the guide.

The explorer is mollified, and they move on, but the drumming in the distance gradually becomes louder. Eventually the explorer stops again.

"Look," he says, "should we be worried about those drums?"

"No," answers the guide. "Worry about when the drums stop."

"Why?"

"When the drums stop, very bad news."

The explorer isn't convinced, but they move on. After another half hour of this, with the drumming in the distance getting louder and louder, the explorer stops once more.

"Okay," he says, annoyed, "this is freaking me out. What the hell is that drumming?"

"Don't worry about the drums," replies the guide. "Worry about when the drums stop."

"But why?" yells the explorer.

"When the drums stop, very bad news."

"Why?" screams the explorer. "What happens when the drums stop?"

And the guide turns, looks at the explorer, and says...










"Bass solo."

[asthmaticeog]

18. A bass player told me that joke years ago.

It always cracks me up, because when the punchline drops, I can't help but picture a tribesman in full ceremonial regalia, standing there with an upright bass... waiting.

[EarlG]

19. I just love the turnabout

I guess there are a lot more drummer and guitarist jokes than there are bass player jokes, and that one always makes me laugh because you think it's going to be a drummer joke until the last second.

Full disclosure... I am a bass player :)

[asthmaticeog]

20. I used to play bass.

Switched to guitar when I realized bass players had so few jokes. :P

[regularguy]

21. What's the difference between a Moose and

the Buddy Rich Orchestra?

A: On the Moose the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

[darkstar]

22. Har!

That's a good one.

:toast:

[darkstar]

23. Did you hear about that band that totaled their van heading to a gig?

4 muscians and a drummer were killed...

[Blue-Jay]

24. I accidently spilled beer in a drum machine.

It started singing.

[leftofthedial]

25. what do you call someone who likes to hang out with musicians?

a drummer

[Pepperbelly]

26. How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.

The keyboardist handles it with his left hand.

[livinginphotographs]

28. As a keyboardist, I say:

Good joke!