Post Your Guitarist Jokes Here!

[0rganism]

I'll get things started:

Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unision.

Q - How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A - Put some sheet music in front of him.

Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put more sheet music in front of him.

Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.

[no name no slogan]

1. I'll bite

Q: How does a guitarist get cabfare to practice?
A: Steals it from his stripper girlfriend's purse.

Q: What's the first thing a guitarist does in the morning?
A: Goes home.

[Al Dente]

2. Here are some

Q: How do you get a guitarist off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q:What do you throw to a drowning guitarist?
A: His Amp.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

21. those are good man.

:rofl:

[Zorra]

3. Q: What do you call a jazz guitarist that plays country music?

A: Employed.

[asthmaticeog]

4. What's the difference between a guitarist and God?

God doesn't think he's a guitarist.

[ProfessorGAC]

19. That's Outstanding!

Short and sweet, but hilarious.
The Professor

[slutticus]

5. Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?

A: Eventually a savings bond will mature and earn money.

[HEAVYHEART]

6. haha! Good thread!

[EarlG]

7. Okay, I have to add a drummer joke

Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

A. You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.

[realisticphish]

11. there's already one of those threads

so get your drum-hating butt out of here!

um...ahem...with all due respect of course :)


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[Jamastiene]

16. That is so true. n/t

[Pepperbelly]

8. What's the difference between a guitarist and the PLO?

You can negotiate with the PLO.

[NashVegas]

9. How Many Guitarists Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

15 -

1 to change the bulb and the other 14 stand around and say "I could've done that."

[NashVegas]

10. This Guy Goes on a Business Trip to Africa ...

...

and as he and the other passengers are deplaning, he hears these drums start up in the distance. The flight crew get a worried look on their faces.

"What's up with the drums?" he asks them.

"Drums not good," was all they would say.

He goes on his way, gets his luggage and finds a cab. As he's riding in the taxi, he can hear the drums, even louder now.

"Can you tell me what the deal with the drums is?" he asked the cabbie, but all the cabbie would say was, "Drums not good."

He gets dropped off at his hotel and as he's checking in, the drums are louder than ever. He demands of the desk clerks, "okay, someone better tell me what the hell is up with the drums."

"Drums not good," the main clerk replied, looking fearful. "Drums mean bass solo coming soon."

[realisticphish]

12. alt. version

(condensed)
driver says things fine while drums play. only lookes scared when they stop. when asked why, says "that means a bass solo"

same idea, just a little different :shrug:

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[jdots]

15. this is the best joke in the world

just tell a five minute version of it to a bunch of non musicans and watch them shrugg

Whats the difference between Joe perry and a train running over a school bus ?
the train gets a better sound and isn't a sociopathic hack.

Whats the difference between Kieth Richards and and an old junky puking on himself ?
about 200 million dollars

[WritingIsMyReligion]

30. !

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Pepperbelly]

13. What do you call a guitarist who has broken up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

[leftofthedial]

14. Q: What do you say to a guitarist in a three-piece suit?

A: Will the defendant please rise.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

22. HAHAHAHAH

awesome.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

31. HA!

:rofl:

[eyepaddle]

17. How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb (alternate)

A: Just one--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

[mitchum]

18. What does a stripper do with her asshole before going to work?

Drop him off at practice.

[cleofus1]

20. hey!

I represent that remark...

i know it makes no sense...but i never call myself a "guitarist"...i just "play" guitar...

[SlavesandBulldozers]

23. Great thread.

there's really some hilarious stuff here. All true, as well.

[opiate69]

24. How about a bassist joke?

What did the bassist get on his IQ test?












Drool

[SlavesandBulldozers]

25. Kicking This THread Dammit

these jokes are barnburners. please more. please!

[DrDan]

26. a couple more

What do you call a person that hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A guitar player

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Q: How do you make a guitar player's car more aerodynamic?

A: Take off the Pizza Hut sign
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What has an IQ of 144?

A gross of guitar players.
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A band made up of a guitar player and an accordian player were playing a New Year's Eve gig. The manager of the club was pleasantly surprised that they were accepted by those in attendance. When the manager asked them if their band would be available to do next year's show they looked at each other, then back at the manager and said, "Sure can we just leave our stuff here"?
*******************************
A banjo player and a guitar player are sentenced to be shot at sunrise. The guards ask for any last requests: the banjo player says, "Get me a banjo so I can play 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' one more time just before I die." Guitar player say, "Shoot me first!"
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This guy goes into the doctor's office with the compliant that there is something really wrong with him as everywhere he touches his body brings him to excruciating pain. "Look doc, if I touch my knee OWWWW! And my elbow OOOOW! and my forehead OUCH!!!. Doctor says, "You play the guitar don't you?". The guy is impressed with the doctor's insight. "Yes I do. How did you know?"
"Your finger's broken."
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Q. What has 24 legs and a full set of teeth?

A. A dozen guitar players.
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What does a guitar player say when he knocks on your door?

Domino's.
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If a guitar player and his wife divorce, would they still be cousins?
***********************************
What's the least-used sentence in the English language?

"Isn't that the guitar player's Porsche?"
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17 guitar players waiting to get into a bar

Man asks why dont you go in

Guitar player says signs says must be 18 to enter
*************************************
What's the difference between a guitar player and a harmonica player?

A harmonica player only sucks on half the notes!
*************************************
Q: What do you call a guitar player with half a brain?

A: Gifted
*************************************
Q: What do you say to a guitar player in a 3 piece suit?

A: "Will the defendent please rise?"
**************************************
Q: What do you call a pretty girl on a guitar player's arm?

A: A tattoo.

[kanrok]

27. Okay...I'm Polish, a lawyer and a guitar player

Am I screwed?

[johnaries]

28. What's the quickest way to find a guitar player in Nashville?

"Check, please!"

another Nashville joke: how many Nashville Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? "Hmmm, I'm not sure. What do YOU think?"

True Nashville story - a Nashville Producer took in a tape of his latest project to his bean-counter boss. His boss listened to it and said "change the mix" (the exec's like to pretend they know something about music, so "change the mix" is a term they picked up to BS the real musicians).

Well, the producer did go back and re-mixed, and made 5 copies of the same mix. He then took them in to his boss and said "Ok, I did 5 different mixes - you tell me which one to use". Well, the exec pretended that he could tell a difference between them and picked one.

The producer then said "You're CRAZY!", picked up a different tape and said "THIS is the best one!" The producer argued with his boss until he convinced him that the second tape was the "best mix".

No wonder the music industry is what it is today.

[Sammy Pepys]

29. Hopefully I'm not duplicating any here

I didn't read all the posts.

q: What's the difference between a guitar play and an extra large pizza?
a: An extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

q: Why were the guitar player and the bass player late for the show?
a: The GP locked his keys in the car with the bass player.

q: How do you get two guitar players to play in unison?
a: Shoot one.

q: How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to do it, one to tell you how Hendrix would've done it, one to tell you how new lightbulbs are crap compared to the vintage ones and one to steal your idea.

Five guitarists worked together on a book of scales. Each contributed the one that he knew.