I got an earful at the Beauty Shop today!

[FrenchieCat]

Yes, I went to get my hair cut today.

I go to a place in East Oakland called Sonya's Rare Hair Design
to get my Curly Bob trimmed about once every 3 months.

My appointment with Sonya was for 2:00 p.m.
But I ended up having to wait forever (as usual!)...
I will say that there was a good reason she made me wait...
I had to cancel my morning appointment
because I couldn't get out of dealing with a situation with my work...
and that was my payback.....

but hey....I looked good when I got out of there
at almost 5:00, even if I have to say so myself.
In otherwords, it was well worth it.

Well anyways.....let me tell you, the ladies there are mad as hell!

Why?

Because they feel that This President can't even scratch his ass
without everyone having an opinion about how, when, and why it was done.
Sonya said in no uncertain terms, she is sick of that shit! Most around agreed.

I was agreeing right along with them.

She went on.....said that if that man wasn't Black, they'd wouldn't be all up in his face
talking crazy.

Personally, I'm glad to hear that she sees what I see;
A bunch of opinionated ass folks on the Teevee and elsewhere talking a bunch of shit,
half of the time without knowing what they are talking about,
who have convinced themselves that they are superior thinkers
compared to this President.
Problem is....they ain't. Not even close.

You know......to hear the unadulterated truth about what is going on,
hanging out with my home girls does it everytime.

[Number23]

1. lol Sonya sounds like a hoot!

In my opinion, NOBODY, repeat NOBODY will tell you the unvarnished truth like a sista. If a black woman tells you 'you ain't sh*t', you can take that to the bank. If 2 or more black women tell you that, that means it's likely common knowledge and the entire world knows it too.

She went on.....said that if that man wasn't Black, they'd wouldn't be all up in his face
talking crazy.

Most black people are saying that. But girl, you know that only means that we will be ignored/dismissed that much harder by white folks who know everything, including black culture/history/thought/experience better than the folks living it.

[FrenchieCat]

3. Black Women and Hair stories are universal....

No matter what type of hair....
I think we all have them!

Here's mine.

My cousin recommended Sonya to me about 4 years ago, as I had damaged my hair by dyeing it too much (over processing due to me trying to cover my new grey, plus doing my own highlights, which meant color over color). I wore my hair long back then.....and she had no choice but to cut it all off as the hair on the top of my head had broken off where I had applied the highlights time after time....as I was wondering why my hair was getting shorter even though I wasn't cutting it very often.

She came up with a haircut for me without my input, as I didn't really want to cut all of my hair off, but didn't have a clue for a solution to my hair disaster.

This was me before I started doing too much (about 6 years ago)






This is me looking like a White Girl,
after screwing up my hair by using color and flat irons right before I
started going to Sonya's (about 4 years ago),
and no....shiny forehead Blondes wannabes don't have more fun, just in case you didn't know! :rofl:





Pic of Sonya's masterpiece on my head...
in case anyone likes it, and wants to look her up
if you are ever in the Bay Area.
She told me that at my age, I didn't need no long blonde hair....LOL!




Sonya says that she is an artist......
So Whatever I want done, she wants to know before I sit in the chair.
and that once I get in her chair, I ain't got nothing else to say.

If I say....cut 1 inch off and leave the front sides longer than the back,
I better not change my mind, cause she's the type that if you give her too many instructions,
she'll stop mid-way into the haircut and tell you to get out of her chair without a smile on her face.

Thank goodness I trust her more than I trust myself with opinions on what haircut I should have....

Her rates are very reasonable....as long as you are willing to possibly spend the entire day there.

My trims are $20.00, my cuts are $50.00 (price just went up with the economic downturn. )
and she also does everything else sisters need done on their hair,
whatever that might be.

[Number23]

6. I hear you. My hair is currently at my bra strap and I'm already looking at cutting it off

I've never dyed my hair but it has always been thick and long. Hair to my waist as a little girl and four feet wide. And I had the NERVE to be tender-headed. :rofl:

When I was about 7 or 8, my mother was combing my hair and had the cops called on her. I was carrying on so much the neighbors thought she was killing me. She has NEVER let me forget that. :)

I like the first picture! It doesn't look damaged. Looks quite full and healthy. The third picture is where I'm heading too. I'm still in my 30's but I'm already sick of dealing with hair all of the time.

[FrenchieCat]

7. When I was little, my White mother used to cut my hair off cause she didn't know

how else to deal with it. It grew in thick curls, but back in the very early 60s, that wasn't a real hairstyle, especially in France. I have a couple of pics of me and my brother looking like twins.... It was actually kinda of cute in retrospect, in looking at those pics. Kind of an Italian short cut done on a small child. LOL!

She started to leave it alone when I was old enough to learn how to braid, and wore it in two breads forever till the Afro became the fashion. That's when I started bugging my Mom and stepdad to cut my hair into an afro. My Stepdad like my father was also Black, and he didn't want me to get my hair cut....but I nagged him for so long, that one day, he had it up to here and volunteered to cut it himself. I thought I would get to go to a shop.....but he said that he used to cut hair in the Navy and promptly cut my long hair in the bathroom into a very gigantic "Silver/Jackson 5" afro. It was so large, I could barely get through a door. But I thought it was soooo cool, cause I thought I looked like Kathleen Cleaver, and I was soooo proud of that....considering I had only two years before arrived from France, and was still in search of my racial identity. The fact that we lived in Berkeley make me and Kathleen that much more "kins" far as I was concerned! :rofl:

Kathleen Cleaver

[firedupdem]

2. All of my AA friends and family members feel the same way....

Even my friends that live and breathe politics feel that he is doing a good job. No President is perfect, but the way he is bashed here on this site is ridiculous. I feel much better now that I spend very limited time in those forums.

I truly miss my beauty shop days! Hanging out with my home girls and talking about politics, kids, education etc. is something I miss terribly!!

[Kind of Blue]

4. Well, FrenchieCat, in this regard

I'm glad that my 3 sisters and I are best friends because I've never had much luck at the salon. And we do agree. The attacks on Obama, given what he has to deal with, is incredibly unreasonable to us. Maybe if he wasn't dealing with an economic crisis, 2 wars and just plain old rectifying the bad governing of the past 8 years, I would say yeah, criticism of this magnitude is justified.

But then again, I wonder if he'd even be elected if times were better.

I remember during the election being shocked by the racist couple who told the Obama foot patrol making sure everyone would vote that, "yeah, we're voting for the N-word." My, my, how desperate times must be for this bizaare dichotomy.

I really thank God for my sisters (and my brother) because DU in general is certainly not the place to hash this out, but cool enough for groups like this to express some feelings.

[bliss_eternal]

14. Hey Kind of Blue...

...I take it you don't do the salon, either? :hi:

I posted in the thread about being a "diy-er" for a few years now.
When I started noticing signs of damage (and realized I didn't like going to the salon much), I took it upon myself to learn all I could. There's a ton of information on-line from some dedicated sisters that got fed up w/salons (long waits, damaged hair, etc.) I had a hair stylist in my family for years, and figured it's in my blood. :P

For the most part, my last stylist was one of the best I've had. But I still suffered some damage. That, and the air quality of the salon didn't agree w/my asthma. Everytime I visited, I'd feel like crap for a week after. :(

You're so fortunate to have sisters to help you out. I envy that!

[Kind of Blue]

15. I love that, Hair Outlaw further down thread

:rofl: :rofl: That's what I am, too. My personal experience is that I never understood stylists' incredible need to cut, cut, cut. But you are so right. I found out the last bits of what I need to do online and never looked back, particularly I don't need a trim every single month!

My sister-in-law is biracial and her mom cut off all her hair as a child because she just did not know what to do. Poor dear, I mean both mom and daughter. Well, then my SIL turns around and did the same with my niece. The family was so disturbed by this. How could she cut off such a bounty of beautiful hair? But it's was the only solution she knew. Luckily, my brother who grew up with us 4 girls learned, I guess by osmosis, how to take care of hair. And his oldest does her friends hair, just like he as a teen with some boy or a long line of boys at our house waiting for him to get their Fade just right.

Thanks for pointing it out because I tend to focus negatively on salons and take it for granted that the bigger point is the great camaraderie of doing each others hair, and it can be passed down from one generation to the next. I really should thank the salons :)

[Number23]

16. "I never understood stylists' incredible need to cut, cut, cut"

The bane of the black woman's existence. Trigger happy hairstylists!

I am so anal about my hair. When I tell my stylist that I need a trim, it's because I need one. If I tell a stylist I only need a half an inch taken off, that's because that's all I need taken off.

So WHY have I been to soooo many stylists who after I have explained to them at length that all I need is a 1/2 inch off, still chop 2, 3 inches off my hair??! :wtf: And I ALWAYS, always get the same response when I ask why: "Well, your hair grows so fast it'll be back in a month." Why is that the issue instead of you doing something other than what I've asked you to do??

Personally, I think alot of stylists do it to try to justify you paying $20, $30 for a trim. If they only take off the 1/2 inch that you asked for then that $20 stands out a whooole lot more. And for the record, I get a relaxer every 8-10 weeks and I get a trim every OTHER relaxer. And the ends of my hair look just dandy. :)

[Kind of Blue]

17. Number23, that's what I'm talking about.

My most horrifying incident at the salon was years ago. I finally found a woman who was well recommended. This was in D.C. and so many women I knew were going to her. She was a godsend, known for doing Exactly what you wanted, tons of customers and none of us minded the wait. We'd even joke that we'd sit for days waiting our turn.

Well, after about a year of building a good rapport, I'd gotten an apprenticeship in France for the summer to study with an artist. I was just too excited. Of course, I told my dear stylist that I wouldn't be back for 2 months and I was running away at the mouth talking. Before I knew it, the woman had cut my hair almost down to my scalp and I totally lost my mind and went off in public. I can laugh now but it was devastating.

The last time was over 12years ago after I moved to SoCal. Found a great woman, a bit of a Christian fundamentalist but she was cool until my husband (white) picked me up one time. And that's when it started little by little not doing exactly what I asked, the conversations turning more and more about sinning, and history lessons on the evils of white people. OMG, that was it for me! :rofl: Eventually, my sisters have moved here and we've picked up where we left off. Now, if only we can get our brother to move because he gives the best trims :rofl:

[firedupdem]

18. oh boy Kind of Blue...

I understand that one. I had a girl that I loved. She did a great job on my hair. I even put up with the long waits, and her food order, and eating breaks. She was a super christian as well and had to take time to go "pray"/gossip with folks from time to time. Things changed for me when my husband came in to pick me up. Suddenly my waits were longer, there was less conversation, and conversations on how being married would suck for her because she can do what she wants when she wants blah, blah, blah.

Ridiculous!

[Kind of Blue]

19. Firedupdem, besides your post being the funniest

thing I've heard this morning, "super Christian" and "pray/gossip" :rofl: :rofl: It's kind of painful at the same time. I just wish that going to salon just didn't turn so personal at times, but I've had to reconcile that it just is due to the natural bonding that takes place.

The extremes as a whole that we experience is certainly ridiculous.

[bliss_eternal]

25. the chris rock show...

...did a skit on (black) hair salons. it made me laugh so hard, i was gasping for air. it was over the top and exaggerated (of course). but after reviewing women's complaints about salons, i wonder if it was really that much of an exaggeration.

on one hand, i loved the camaraderie and having a place where certain issues could be validated among other women. on the other hand, i've seen and heard my share of some of the most....shall i say....spectacular tall tales i've ever heard in the salon.

[jmm]

21. A super Christian who doesn't like marriage? That's a first.

The first hairdresser that I loved, not counting friend who I'd let cut and dye my hair, was a lady I use to live near who came highly recommended. The first few times I went to her she was talkative and friendly then one day during my typically long wait she was arguing with another customer because she didn't believe in evolution. She was the first hairdresser to do what I asked her to even when she didn't agree plus she gave me a ton of free product samples so I figured why not look past this. The next time I went in after she started cutting my hair she asked if I was seeing anybody which sparked a xenophobic rant and of course I couldn't sit there quietly. Leave it to me to get into a debate with somebody who is holding a sharp object near my head. After a while she got quiet and said I was too young to understand :eyes:. I never went back after that.

I go to a guy now who is over 50 miles away from where I live but he is worth it. He use to work for the Solid Gold dancers and a few different soap operas so the only arguments we get into is what constitutes a professional look.

[firedupdem]

23. LOL!

Leave it to me to get into a debate with somebody who is holding a sharp object near my head.

:rofl:

I don't blame you one bit jmm. Some stuff you can't just blow off.

Yeah, I guess since she didn't have a significant other, seeing me with one bugged her. My boys were about 3 & 8 at the time, and before she seemed to have an attitude, she asked if my husband was the father of both!? When I stated yes, she suddenly thought marriage was for suckers! LOL!

[Number23]

28. What in the world is so pressing for a hairstylist...

that she got to stop and "pray" in the middle of doing somebody's head?????
:shrug:

[bliss_eternal]

30. meh.

i've known that type.

the holier rollers.
the ones that get "offended" if they feel their client is "unequally yoked." :eyes:

yes, bliss had "church" days. :puke: (not a fond memory) i no longer do (church). but i know the "talk" and "their walk" and recognize some of the symptoms of various religious sects.

[Number23]

32. But... why at the hair salon??

Does the holy ghost suddenly strike while they're putting in the curl activator? Does the Spirit suddenly grab them while basing somebody's scalp?? If somebody starts speaking in tongues while giving you a roller set -- RUN.

If you want to be all church-y that's fine and that's your business. But why would anyone subject their clients to that?? That's what I don't get.

[bliss_eternal]

33. To be honest, I don't get it either.

But I'm guessing that we don't "get it", because we understand that it's inappropriate to mix one's religion w/one's business. Clearly, a person that would do something like this, does not. That's the problem.

[firedupdem]

31. hey, "where two or more are gathered," word is born...or something

like that.

I'm honestly not making fun...but I remember hearing something about two or more gathering. Somebody would tell a horrible story, and she would say, wait...and they would go off to another room to pray. I kid you not.

[bliss_eternal]

34. I hear you...

...unequally yoked is taken from scripture, too.

I had a stylist (many, years ago) who was very religious and would say things like that. She also would "pray" that clients that weren't "her spiritual equal" (or unequally yoked) would find another stylist, so she didn't have to hear about their "sins", etc.

:eyes:

[Kind of Blue]

37. I can't stand it. I wish you had warned me...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl::rofl: :rofl: :rofl::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[firedupdem]

43. LOL!!

:rofl:

Word is born....:rofl:

I'm crazy and I know it!

[bliss_eternal]

24. what the hell...?

i have as much "christian education and background" as the next person. enough to know, there's not a damn thing in the bible (or christianity) about "the evils of white people." quite a bit on 'evil', yes--but not specific to race, ethnicity. :eyes:
that was her personal agenda and bias.

putting it off on the bible, her religion or anything elese was total horse manure. that's the same bs that southern caucasians (and others) once utilized to justify bigotry against black people.

that's one of my biggest issues w/our people--adapting crap like this from the powers that be, not recognizing it as such, and thinking it's "appropriate." :puke:

don't even get me started on how unprofessional it is for someone to tout their religious beliefs in the workplace, and to "preach" at their clientele.

[Kind of Blue]

36. "Adpating crap," Bliss_eternal, I couldn't have

said it better. On the one hand, crap like that is supposed to make you feel solidarity but then on the other, deep guilt for the sinful life you're living. What's really funny is that her OWN SON is married to a white woman. Really, to her that's not so bad. But given what the white man has done to black women during slavery is unforgivable. And all wanted was a touch-up :rofl:

[bliss_eternal]

41. Oh....see!

:rofl:

one of those people that want to sit in judgement of me (and you) as black women, for our choices--but they aren't ready to get with their sons (or black men).

puh-lease, she can gently caress that noise. :eyes:
talk about living in glass houses, while tossing out boulders.

[Number23]

45. Oh, HELL no!

What's really funny is that her OWN SON is married to a white woman. Really, to her that's not so bad. But given what the white man has done to black women during slavery is unforgivable.

Oh, so her son (and presumably the sons of other black women) can get with a white woman and that's okay. But God help a black woman that marries a white man, right?? Because only black women were abused and mistreated during slavery, right?? That will come as a shock to the tens of thousands of black men castrated, beaten and hung during slavery and many, many years afterwards because of the sexual fear/fetishization so many have of black men.

This is the kind of craziness I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with.

[Kind of Blue]

46. Number23, I wish this was the first

time I've been told this to my face. I had a male neighbor actually stop me in the street, shake his head in a tsk-tsk-tsk way and said that I should have really held out. It was a scary incident. I mean those that think this way truly believe that I don't GET It, I've been brainwashed (that was one of his words) along the way, so somebody has to say it. I've chalked it up to sexism and racism. But can never figure out exactly what percentage of which is working.

[bliss_eternal]

47. Given all the men....

...of color dating and/or marrying non ethnic women, I see it as primarily sexist. Because I don't see anyone calling their relationships into question. But everyone seems to have something to say, about women's choices. :eyes:

I touched on it briefly here (post #5):
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=258x5541

and a bit here (post #9):
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=258&topic_id=5918#5960

[Kind of Blue]

48. Thanks for links, Bliss_eternal!

:hi: Nice to look forward to. I'll check them out as soon as I get a break from work.

[Number23]

26. Oh my God! NO SHE DIDN'T!!

history lessons on the evils of white people.

Girl, I would have laughed in her face!! :rofl: That is CRAZY, but really not all that surprising. :) I'm cracking up just imagining your face when she started her "sermon."

I go to a little place here in Australia. The owner is from Ghana and I absolutely ADORE her. Her assistant is from Zimbabwe and I know that when I go to see the two of them I am going to have a VERY good time. Girl, if you stay long enough for the shop to close you get to have some of their "it's the weekend, baby!" champagne!

The owner, Lynda, is married to a (white) Brit; I'm married to a (white) Aussie. We commiserate over our respective mother in laws -- hers can't stand her because she's black. My mother in law has never given me the slightest bit of trouble and is actually nicer to me than her other daughter in laws.

There have been a few African women who have visited the shop who have tried to give Lynda the same sermon that your stylist tried to give you and the way that she SHUTS THEM DOWN is a site to behold. Priceless. Tells them that when they are ready to support her and her daughter then she will be all too happy to take their "advice" into consideration. I think it's because Lynda is also African that some of the other women think they can make her feel bad. They learn VERY quickly that is not the case. :)

[bliss_eternal]

29. ugh.....don't get me started....

...on the evils of the "clueless, caucasian mother in-law."

:eyes:

the first gifts from mine had a black "theme." :eyes:

before my mate decided to permanently detach from them (his family, my in-laws)....she and i had a rather rich chat. :spray:

[Number23]

35. Spill it, Bliss!

she and i had a rather rich chat.

Oh this I have GOT to hear!! :popcorn: :popcorn:

The thing about my stylist is she is an absolutely lovely, loving woman. I adore her. I feel sorry for her mother in law, that she is so disturbed that her daughter in law is not lily white that she does not appreciate that her DIL is loving, kind, smart as hell and the funniest thing since Redd Foxx. :) Girl, they've been married for like 20 years, at what point should the mother in law just ACCEPT that there's some "color in her family tree" now??

And what REALLY pisses me off is that Lynda and her husband have a daughter and the MIL refuses to acknowledge her. Like Lynda says, "if she doesn't like me that's fine but how dare she take this out on her own grandchild." That's exactly how I would feel. How nasty and stupid do you have to be to do something like that to a child?? Lynda's daughter is now 16 and says that her grandmother's feelings towards her don't really bother her but I don't see how that could not hurt her to know that she is not accepted by her own flesh and blood because of her skin color. I could kick the MIL's ass and I've never even met her!

I have been blessed. My husband's family has been wonderful towards me and they would do anything in the world for my baby. One of my husband's sisters actually treats my angel like her grandchild rather than her niece; every single time she comes to the house she's got a new gift for her. They adore this little girl and the more people that love my baby, the happier that makes me. However, I know the ways of the world. And I ain't a ghetto person, but if anyone did show their ass towards her because she's a little browner than the rest of the family, they would quickly learn that it ain't that hard to TURN me into one.

[Name removed]

39. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Number23]

44. Good for you

And good for your husband for having your back. Well done.
:fistbump:

[Kind of Blue]

40. Bliss_eternal, as long as she doesn't kill

herself, I'd bet you're doing okay. My uncle (father's brother) has been living in Germany since the late '50s/early '60s. He married a German girl whose mother HANGED herself after my cousin was born. I won't tell you what the suicide note said about the baby, now a 45 year old man. It's too disgusting. Needless to say, my uncle's marriage didn't last.

[bliss_eternal]

42. how awful!

:scared::hug:
i'm so sorry your uncle experienced such a thing. that's horrible, and so malicious.

no. my mil is way too narcisstic to do such a thing.
she needs to stick around, to ensure everyone is as miserable as possible.

thankfully, my mate got hip to her (and the rest of the family) and wrote them all off.
i can't tell you how fantastic it's been the last five or so years (since he made that decicion) to not have to hear her voice, see her over a dry holiday dinner, etc. :bounce:

[Kind of Blue]

38. That's a twist. Your hairdresser gets the crap!

Now, I've heard everything.

My MIL is a gem. She went through the same thing. She's Spanish but my late FIL, whose people are from Belgium, couldn't stand her. During World War II, his Marine buddies went off on FIL for wanting to marry a Spanish girl. So she gets it, I mean to the point where she said to me, "You know, the Moors were in Spain for so long that I'm sure you and I go back a long way." I just love her because she finds the interconnectedness of people and not what separates us.

[Fire1]

5. Well, today was not my salon/hair day. It was my manicure

day and today's topics were Debbie Rowe wanting MJ's kids back after being paid something like 8 million dollars, libations for the July 4th celebration (Bastille Day in France. Right Frenchie?), Monica Conyers and family problems. As usual, had a great time and my nails are gorgeous.:hi:

[FrenchieCat]

8. 14th of July is Bastille Day......

Love pedicures and manicures......! Especially French Pedicures which make my feet look "young"! :)
But I go to a small shop ran by a Vietnamese chick for that,
and the discussion there is just not the same as at the hair shop.....
for the fact that I don't understand Vietnamese! :rofl:

[Fire1]

9. My bad. I seem to remember it was some time in July. n/t

[FrenchieCat]

10. Well, you were right.......

just 10 days later. :shrug:

It's the big Holiday to celebrate the symbolic storming of the Bastille,
and the overuse of the Guillotine! :rofl:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastille_Day

[Fire1]

11. Girl, you're on a roll today!!! No pun intended. LOL!! n/t

[FrenchieCat]

12. Chopped hair, chopped heads, chopped liver, etc......

Yep...I'm rollin'!

[Kind of Blue]

20. I don't know how this came about

but while living in the D.C. area, I remember on Bastille Day, a waiters race on Pennsylvania Avenue. I mean part of the celebration was waiters would run down the avenue holding a tray with one hand, balancing water and I think a bottle of wine on it, and literally race. It was too funny but an odd way to commemorate.

[bliss_eternal]

13. Since becoming a hair outlaw....

...I haven't visited my hair salon in a few years. So I kind of miss hearing some of the "sister talks" and discussions. (sometimes not, depending on the issue being discussed :blush:).

I go to various salons for nails, waxing, threading, etc. Thanks to various hair boards and lots of research, I've done the "diy" thing for the last few years (re: hair).

[Fire1]

22. I hear ya, bliss! I sometimes wish I could do my own after

listening to some people.

[bliss_eternal]

27. it's worth it to me...

...i was fortunate that my stylist was efficient and professional. she didn't double book, so i didn't encounter several other clients in the salon waiting for eternity (or rapture).

i've just never been one that enjoyed the process of "getting my hair done" in a salon. going for a cut is fine, but all the other stuff...nah!

so, i was determined to figure out what i needed to do. i had some health issues, so i also wanted to see how not getting chemical services (in the salon) would affect that. i haven't decided yet--i still may decide at some point to self-relax. :shrug:

[Raineyb]

49. I go to a Dominican place

And the woman who does my hair never shuts up, but since she's speaking in Spanish I usually throw on the Ipod and bring my laptop and books with me. I generally don't bother with the chit chat.

Hell, I would do my hair but frankly, I can't even manage a curling iron much less anything that takes more skill. When I wash my own hair it comes out looking like an afro puff. <sigh>