Diplomatic responses to "What church do you go to?"

[tiddlywinks]

or even "Do you go to church?" or even "Do you believe in God?"

Seriously, I live and work in a tiny town. I have to deal with people regularly as a professional. I certainly don't want to be rude or say something hurtful just to shut them up.
So, if you have any suggestions, fire away. Of course I'll still enjoy hearing all the comments of what I'd 'like' to say.
However, I do not intend to discuss my atheism with anyone where I live because I support myself as a professional in this community and live alone, etc. etc.

[Warpy]

1. "I'm not religious" about covers it all

and if they pry, just give them the hairy eyeball and walk away. It's really none of their business, is it?

[Book Lover]

2. Miss Manners, as always, has the most bulletproof response

Compress your lips, shake your head ever so slightly, and say with a tone of finality, "I don't discuss religion." Don't be hostile or rude; treat the question as if they had asked how your visit to the proctologist went.

[cosmik debris]

3. Excellent!

I have a variation of that which I use for relatives.

I just say that I don't discuss religion with people whose friendship I would like to keep. That adds a little bit of flattery to ease the change of subject.

But your suggestion is definitely better for less familiar acquaintances.

[Az]

4. I don't believe in organized religion

A lot of people have chips on their shoulders or can commiserate with the feeling of rejection of organized religion. Its an easy out.

[beam me up scottie]

5. When I moved to the buy-bull belt I just told people I wasn't a christian.

Most of the time they'll come back with a "Oh, so you're a (insert name of religion here)?"

Just nod and smile and then change the subject.

Think of all the fun they'll have when they get together to discuss their new neighbor...

:D

[deepthought42]

6. Ug. I'm hoping nobody ask me that

until that last day of classes. Seriously, it's like they're all a bunch of church-goers. They like me now, but would they even look at me if they knew? And I'm too nice to want to upset anyone. At the same time I don't know that I would give a diplomatic answer.... :evilgrin:

[Az]

7. Well there is always the "Well I go to .... wait... whats that over there!!!!???" option

Always fun at parties.

[onager]

8. Benefit from my bad experiences!

You're a lot smarter than me. But I could say the same about most doorknobs, so I'm not sure that's a compliment. :-)

I agree with CD: if you don't know them just do what BL suggested and refuse to discuss it. If they are closer to you, tell them you value the relationship too much to talk about such a divisive subject, etc.

Before I learned to do that, I had some...bad experiences. Your instincts are sound: it's amazing how quickly even a calm discussion of religion can turn into a shouting match.

I come from a rural area in the Deep South, and everybody is religulous to some extent. It doesn't help that I have one Fundie cousin who ALWAYS starts a conversation with me by saying: "They won't let us pray in school!"

She means "they" won't let her force her brand of insanity on the whole damn school, and I used to pop right off and tell her that.

Trust me, that makes a lousy start to Xmas dinner.

Now, as other people wisely suggested, I change the subject: "So, have you read Richard Dawkins' latest book...?" (Just kidding.)

[Greyskye]

9. You can use the response I came up with in grade school

(with my parents help).

"I'm non-denominational." Even as an atheist, that response isn't a lie. :evilgrin:

[trotsky]

10. Our Lady of Perpetual Flatulence!

First Serta!

But seriously, I guess you could give some kind of corny answer about how you feel "god" is everywhere and haven't found a church that you feel comfortable at. Of course many people will probably take that as an opportunity to invite you to their church. Then just a thanks but no thanks could end it.

[roody]

11. I go to the church of the sleeping goddess.

[funflower]

12. I go to the Church of XYZ... Just not very often. And I haven't actually joined.

Went there once for a wedding, though! :)

[Deep13]

13. "I'm a god warrior!" nt

[rexcat]

14. I belong to the Church of the FSM...

If there is further questions concerning the FSM I say we members don't discuss our church with infidels! :evilgrin:

[moggie]

15. Too many people know about His Noodliness

That won't fly under the radar often enough. Instead, you could try Tarvuism. It's so easy to join!

[Evoman]

16. "I don't go to church, but I've had a sex with plenty of Christians"

I figure it's gotta be worth something.

[SCantiGOP]

17. my favorite reply

I tell them I'm a Solotarian. They don't know if that means I have my own church or I worship the sun, so they usually don't follow up.

[LeftyMom]

18. I don't think anybody's ever asked me any of those.

Ah California, how I love thee. :loveya:

[vixengrl]

19. I have never had someone so bold as to try this question with me--

but I think I would go with:

"The universe is my church and the earth is my altar. My sacrament is to learn and my charge is to do well by others. Otherwise, I donate to worthy causes and try not to be a jerk. That's pretty much my religion."

[FM Arouet666]

20. I have the same problem.

Professional in a small town. I don't much care what colleagues think of me, in fact my office staff calls me satan's child. Lovingly of course. But I have to have a neutral face for patients. A women grabbed my hands and prayed with me the other day. I just bowed my head and pretended. My third eye looked down on me, just like it does with dancing, and told me I looked like a freaking idiot. But it made her happy and at ease and patient care has to come before my world view. Up to a point of course. If you are on your own in the community and depend on referrals and word of mouth recommendations then your going to be even more closeted. When I was in private practice I would just say that "I am not very religious" which usually demanded the follow up question, "But you do believe in god?" I wish I could state that I took a stand and told the truth, but that would have been professional suicide. Yes, I lied, but what do you expect from a bunch of godless atheists. ;)

Looks like we are in the closet for some time. :evilfrown:

[progressoid]

21. I have told people that I'm an ordained minister (TRUE!)

I was ordained online about 5 years ago.

And it's free!

http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination

That usually distracts them enough to avoid having to go into a lengthy explanation/debate I don't want to have.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

22. I've had the same problem.

I just moved to a little town where everybody's social life revolves around church.

Two people have already invited me to church.

One of them invited me and my friend to church. We told her we were Unitarians. She said "What's that?" and my friend explained that people of all religions were welcome, and they had lots of discussion groups. And that there were no Unitarian churches anywhere nearby.

Then she invited us again, and we just stood there silently with our mouths open. I think she was flabbergasted. She wasn't the brightest crayon in the box anyway.

Another woman said "Are you Methodist?" "No".
"Are you Baptist?" "No". Then she stopped.

:banghead: