Catholic Cemeteries

[hedgehog]

All of my relatives are buried in Catholic cemeteries, but I'm not certain I want to be. A local family moved their father's grave when the priest in charge of the cemetery told them they couldn't have the gravestone they selected. It had a picture engraved from a photograph of their father fishing. It didn't meet diocesan standards of taste and decorum!

More to the point, I heard that out in Denver the diocese has a full service funeral home on church property (tax-free) in direct competition with local funeral directors. Around here, the local funeral director also is a major contributor to the parish and in many respects is a lay minister for grieving families. I'm afraid that Catholic cemeteries are being turned into a money maker for the bishops.

[Maeve]

1. I have a different POV

I don't think funeral directors should be the ones ministering to families, but some are very good at it, I'll grant you. Nor should the diocese be making the kind of money off the services that most funeral homes do--have you ever read "The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford? (I read up on funeral history as part of my storytelling about Irish and Irish-American wakes) If they are charging the same sort of prices, that's excessive. Some church groups charge much more reasonable fees, however--you'd have to check specifics.

For me, it's a moot point. I want to be cremated and I want my family and friends to give me an old-fashioned wake--drink, dancing, singing, crying--at someone's house. A memorial mass, with or without my ashes there, I don't care, I'll be gone. It's for the survivors and that will suit the needs of my family.

[DemBones DemBones]

2. I don't get it -- you don't think cemeteries, Catholic or otherwise,

should have standards of taste and decorum?

I'm sure the photo of the man fishing is a nice photo that brings good memories to the family but I can see how allowing such a photo on his grave marker could lead to a strange trend toward macho sports tombstones -- photos of guys riding Harleys, laying up baskets, waterskiing, bowling, etc. Where would you have them draw the line? No hunting photos. presumably. But wait, fishing kills fish, doesn't it? What about the woman who likes to belly dance as a hobby? In the nude. Does she get her nudie-photo on her tombstone? What about the guy who wants his grave decorated with beer cans?

Personally, I'd allow people to decorate their loved ones' graves however they chose, no matter how tacky some of them might be. Not everyone would be that tolerant -- and there might be some people who'd do something so tasteless I'd object, too. Some people visit and tend family graves regularly, though, and would be quite upset by anything too out of the ordinary. It's like the rules in subdivisions that prohibit clotheslines and basketball hoops in view of the street; either silly or necessary, depending on who you ask.

In a cemetery belonging to a small community, the community may allow such individual expressions but I can see why cemeteries serving a larger, diverse population need more guidelines.

Most modern cemeteries seem to ban tombstones altogether in lieu of those tiny little stones with a brass nameplate, and they ban real flowers, force everyone to have a built-in vase, regularly filles with plastic flowers. Yuk.

[Matilda]

3. In Europe, I've seen quite a lot of graves with photos of the deceased.

Just regular head-and-shoulders. The Greeks do it a lot, but the
first time I saw it was in Austria, in Salzburg - you know the
convent in the Sound of Music? The graves near where the family
hid had lots of photos, and the graves were obviously carefully
looked after, so it looked all right.

In places like Greece and Yugoslavia, it seems to be almost the norm
to have a photo.

[DemBones DemBones]

4. I've seen it a lot in Italy, too, but always just

head and shoulder shots, as you've seen. Have you ever seen the movie "For Rosanna"? Amusing story of an Italian trattoria owner trying to ensure that there will be a plot in the local cemetery for his wife; they have a daughter buried there and the wife wants to be buried in some proximity to her child.

I googled it to see when it was made (1997) and here's a bit more info:

"A radiant romantic comedy that combines knockabout farce with heartfelt emotion, For Roseanna pairs rising international star Jean Reno and Oscar-winner Mercedes Ruehl as Marcello and Roseanna, a husband and wife whom death will, perhaps, only nominally part. Steeped in the timeless beauty and warm sensuality of a small Italian village, For Roseanna is a celebration of life and love in the face of death that is both poignant and delightful.

Marcello, a trattoria proprietor in the tiny village of Travento, is a man with a truly life-or-death mission. He is determined to secure his terminally ill wife's dearest wish: to be buried next to their long-deceased daughter in the local cemetery, which only has three plots left. While Marcello goes to increasingly extreme lengths to keep everyone in the village alive, well, and out of his wife's intended graveyard spot, Roseanna occupies herself with taking care of her husband's life after her death."


Most of the tombstones shown in the film feature photos.

I'd be willing to overcome my feeling that it's a rather strange custom and have my photo on my tombstone if I could be buried in San Gimigniano, but I'm guessing reservations are tough to come by! ;-)

[Matilda]

5. Interesting you should mention that film,

someone else recommended it to me not long ago. I really must check
out some video stores and see if I can hire it, because I've never seen it on TV.

[DemBones DemBones]

6. I've never seen Jean Reno in a movie I didn't like,

even when the plot was a little thin, like one I remember. I think Mercedes Ruehl is very good, too. The movie is a lot of fun -- we've watched it several times. When I Googled it, I read that Reno spent a month or two in Italy, even though he's lived there, just studying how Italian men walk and gesture to prepare for this movie. I didn't know how he did it, but I knew he did an excellent job of being Italian on screen.

We just saw Jean Reno in "Jet Lag" with another favorite, Juliet Binoche, which, unfortunately was dubbed, but was still enjoyable.