I need some advice.....

[malta blue]

My mother-in-law is a self-described evangelical who does not attend a church since she has not found one she "likes" in her hometown of Atlanta.

She will be arriving tomorrow for the holidays, and without bringing up the laundry list of misdeeds, I am not looking forward to her visit.

My daughter and I were both raised Catholic, but I must admit that the last time I went to church was the day my daughter received her first communion in May.

The problem is this - the woman is insisting that we go to church for the holiday - yet she cannot say which church she would like to go to other than "anything but Catholic"

I would like to be compassionate and charitable towards her, and it is taking every ounce of my being not to tell her off, but come on - what do I say to this? My husband asked little MB if she wanted to go to church and her response, in typical 8 y/o fashion was "do they have communion?" His response - No. She asked if it was the "jewish or muslim church" His response - No, christian.

Little MB does not want to go to a protestant church where she would not be able to receive the host, and I don't like that fact that she is trying to dictate this (on top of everything else during her stay).

Any suggestions....

Peace ~ MB

[Beer Snob-50]

1. is your husband a catholic or would he be willing

to take his mother to a non-catholic church. i would tell your mil that because you are a catholic you will be going to a catholic mass and would be pleased if she would go with you. if not maybe he would just take her.

[malta blue]

2. He is not really anything - although he complains about

the catholic church he has attended for special functions for little MB (he is not her dad).

I suggested that and he felt that she would be insulted :shrug:

So it's okay to confuse the kid and insult his wife, but not his mom who walked out on him when he was in the 4th grade in the middle of the night and did not contact him for 3 years ...

You see, I am rather bitter about this impending visit...

Thanks for the suggestion Pirate - I think I am going to take the little one to our church whether she likes it or not!

[Beer Snob-50]

3. gee you hide the bittness well LOL

however i think going to your church with your daughter is the right thing to do.

[malta blue]

4. Thank you....and if I don't see you before then -

Merry Christmas...

~Peace~

[Beer Snob-50]

5. and teh same to you!

have a very merry and blessed christmas

[theredpen]

6. Episcopal is not Catholic

...but it's familiar to Catholics. I would recommend an Orthodox church, but that might qualify as "too Catholic."

Of course, the Episcopal/Anglican church is not in communion with the RCC or the Orthodox churches; if you take religion seriously, there are serious issues in this. That doesn't mean you can't attend an Episcopal church, but just that you should be aware of what the difference is and be comfortable in your own heart that you are not compromising on something that you feel is an important part of your spiritual path.

I have to say that I find it tremendously arrogant and abusive to treat your family's religious choices with such disrespect. It also sounds like your husbands priorities are different (which can't help). Of course, I make these observations from the comfort of my office chair, so they may not be helpful in any way.

I guess on that note, you need to determine what your priorities in this situation are before you can reconcile them with your MIL's demands.

(Of course, another option would be to go Orthodox and celebrate Epiphany instead of Christmas :) )

[rug]

7. Take your daughter to Midnight Mass. Then you can take your mother-in-law anywhere she wants.

[tjwmason]

8. Firmly but politely let her know

that you cannot adjust your conscience to fit with hers any more than she can adjust hers to fit with yours.

If you are raising your daughter as Catholic (even if not an every-Sunday type Catholic), then it would be appropriate to take her to Mass.

[hedgehog]

9. This isn't a one day problem.

Ask yourself why you are going to a religious sevice at all on Christmas. If you have a good reason for going on Christmas, what about the other 51 weeks of the year? If your local parish can't feed you, then find a community that can. I'm not concerned whether you end up in a Catholic parish or not. I wouldn't even worry about what the Vatican has to say about sharing communion. Going to church isn't something you "have to do". It should be something you can't live without. This doesn't help you out for this week, but it might give you a good answer for next year.

I think your mother-in-law is trying to recreate an ideal famiy situation- everyone in the same pew for Christmas services. Maybe as an act of charity go with her as a family to a non-denominational church early in the evening and to Midnight Mass with your daughter later on?