I'm feeling like I'm letting everyone down.

[polmaven]

You know my mother died on November 2, fairly quickly, after 1 week in the hospital, and 2 days in ICU.

My friends have been great, and those who were able have been there to listen, and comfort me. I believe that when the Bible says God will comfort those who mourn, God does that through the loving embraces of people who care.

I belong to a wonderfully special UM church, and I am Clerk of the (volunteer) Board of Directors of a local Community Health Center, so there are a lot of loving, caring people around me.

On Thanksgiving day, The president of the Board lost her mother. The following Wednesday, a church member, whose family is very active, lost his mother. Last Monday, another very active church member lost her brother, and, on the same day, the Board's treasurer lost his mother.

They are friends of mine, each and every one, and I want to be there for them, to help them through, but I am not. I went to two of the wakes, (the other two were out of state), but that is as much as I have been able to bring myself to do. I am feeling very selfish and useless right now. I want to be ther...but right now, I just don't know how.

God! This really, really stinks!!!

[lavenderdiva]

1. please, please, please, be kind to yourself, and stop beating yourself up

over this... I lost both of my parents within a 4 month period 10 years ago. The sadness, depression, and inability to do much of anything lingered for years. It was such a hard time.

You have just experienced a very difficult transition, to living without your mother. Your whole way of relating to the world has been altered. The hurt and sadness can be very difficult to deal with. I'm sure you are trying to get through each and every day the best that you can. Your ability to do much of anything, other than what you absolutely have to, will be limited for awhile. These other members of your church group who have also lost loved ones, are feeling similarly, and surely understand your situation. You must be kind and patient with yourself just now. You need it. Your spirit needs it. Our loving Father certainly understands your limitations while your heart is healing, and doesn't expect any more from you than you have already offered to your friends. Please do not feel guilty...

"I believe that when the Bible says God will comfort those who mourn, God does that through the loving embraces of people who care."

I agree that God does comfort those who mourn. However, in this particular instance, can you see that perhaps He is using others, just now, to comfort your friends? At some point in the near future, when you are better able to handle extending yourself a bit, you will be a far better 'comforter' to those in need, as you too have experienced great loss, and understand how difficult a time this is. But for now, you must take care of yourself, and comfort you. There are those who are standing in the gap, filling it for your friends, and filling it for you too.

[I_Make_Mistakes]

2. LD has the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit! You have already done

more than most would do! You have given back and done what was in your power to do! It really must of been hard to go to the wakes after your recent loss. I think, some of us, put too much pressure on ourselves, if we do, it is our fault. We have to be supportive, but not self-destructive.

My goodness, this Christmas is going to be so sad for you, it's okay to take care of yourself and your family!

I hope, you can find the Peace to fill yourself with the coming celebration!

[RevCheesehead]

3. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your friends know what you've been through - and they understand.
Please don't beat yourself up for grieving. Grieving is hard work.

Maybe in a few weeks, after the holidays, you might contact your friends for a "how did you survive Christmas?" support group.... just meet once or twice, cry, and pray with each other. If not a group, then maybe one on one.

I'm here for you, dear polmaven. You were there for me last spring, and I remember your kindness. I will always be grateful for that.

PM me if you need to talk.

Ruth

[polmaven]

4. Thank you

I can always count on some good and wise words from this family...

It is now almost at the point that I am afraid to listen to my voice mail at home, or look at my e-mail, because maybe someone else I care about has lost a loved one.

I just want to shout....ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

I'm trying very hard to know what God wants of me in all of this, and I'm sure I will eventually know, but it is so very hard.

Thank you all for your prayers and your advice. I will try to remember that God wants us to grieve, and that it is OK to focus on "me" for a while.

[lavenderdiva]

5. sometimes all He wants is to gently turn our faces and hearts

toward Him, and allow Him to embrace us. Holding us close, with no distractions. Letting us know (and often reminding us) that He is always there for us, and He is going to heal those broken places that hurt us so much. He truly loves you and me more than we can ever know, but for us to feel that, we need to draw close to Him, and focus, uninterrupted, on feeling his great big arms enfold us, giving us the best hugs that you can ever imagine! :hug:

in His love....

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. I've been in that frame of mind for the past year. *hugs* You can only do

you have the emotional resources to handle.

Don't feel guilty, just do what you can and work on healing. :hug: