I am considering leaving my church

[dsc]

My church had a corps of newer members who are gay or gay friendly. Over the course of the last few weeks nearly all of them have left the church entirely or at least resigned positions. I can't get over thinking it is a bit cowardly for me to leave but I am not sure I have much to stay for. Our pastor has left and with most of the newer members gone I feel a bit like fish out of water. Have any of you been in this position. Did you stay or did you go?


Our church had almost 2 congregations. One a group of largely older, somewhat moderate to conservative people and one younger and more liberal (many gay or lesbian). In October, at our last evening service, two of us essentially came out at that service. One of the older members was vocally opposed and soon after our pastor announced his retirement. Since then we have had a fairly autocratic and quite conservative board chair who has alienated many people. Within the last month many of the younger more gay friendly members have left leaving mostly the moderate, conservative members. I am torn between staying and fighting and leaving.

[Critters2]

1. Is there another church of your tradition nearby where you would feel more comfortable? nt

[dsc]

2. about an hour drive currently

some of the people who have left are considering setting up a house church or even trying to get a UCC church.

[Critters2]

3. A UCC is worth considering. There are a good many new churches in the UCC

that have started this way, some in that conference. The best way to do it is to get the church up and running, and then to contact the association. You'd certainly find support from the national church.

[dsc]

4. We actually have a former regional minister for the UCC among the people

who are in our group. She was regional minister for Ohio.

[Critters2]

5. Then she'd know the process. Definitely worth considering.

There are a couple of other UCCs who post here, and might have some thoughts. Not sure whether there are any DOCs.

[dsc]

6. She will certainly be helpful

I have a great deal of respect for the UCC. Actually of all things, there are some terrific American Baptist Churches. I was raised in that tradtion but quit over their anti gay activity. In the tradition of fighting the last battle I now am torn between fighting and not fighting.

[Critters2]

7. That new Baptist group that split with the SBC seems interesting, too

Can't recall the name, but the one Jimmy Carter is involved with. The UCC has a partnership covenant with them. Would there be any of those? My understanding was that there were almost not ABCs in the South, after the split with the SBC before the Civil War. I may be wrong, though.

[supernova]

8. I recently left my childhood church

in the PCUSA. It saddens me because while there are things that led me to leave that church, there are still a lot of attributes about PCUSA as a whole that I do admire: the democratic church government, the willingess to discuss touchy subjects.

I was torn for a long time about it too because I do still love most of the people there. :hug: I eventually became disillusioned that I have the skill to change minds at that church. PCUSA has been debating for years about the status of gays in our church. My particular church is older, more conservative, more white and more affluent than a lot of churches. It's also in a more isolated, rural part of the county. All of this to say that it's not very diverse at all, a quality that has become increasingly more important to me in my faith journey. I want to see the diversity of God's creation reflected in the congregation.

I also have let go of the need for standard theology. While I still derive meaning from it; I'm also much more open to some of the newer information that has become available and I would like to pursue study of that material as well, preferrably with a group that is traveling that road. And again, my home church seemed hidebound on that front. I can barely tell one easter service from the other, they are so repetitious. What can I say? Some people enjoy the safety of sameness. I'm at a point in my life where that now grates.

Understand, however, my conversation with God is what it always was, a genuine heart to heart conversation.

Where does that leave me? I'm not sure. Perhaps I belong more with the Quakers, or maybe UCC, or maybe a More Light Presby church. Again, just not sure where I belong.

[Kat45]

9. That's a bad move for your church to make

The church needs the younger people for its vitality and growth. And for its future. I don't know how many people or how much 'older' they are, but this could be the first step to the demise of the church. I've seen churches whose members are mainly elderly and set in their ways, and if they hadn't opened up to younger, more liberal members, there'd be hardly anyone left in the church today.

[dsc]

10. sadly it might well lead to its demise

It is a largly elderly crowd who have been having the problems.

[RevCheesehead]

11. You've just described one of my congregations.

And you're absolutely right. It has led to their eventual demise.

I've had to spend the last four years telling them WHY their church is dying, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the pastors they've had. (They've always shot the messenger - but I'm wearing a bullet-proof vest. ;))

For years and years, a certain group of people seized control of everything, and harassed anyone who came in with new ideas. They also harassed the Sunday School teachers (who will no longer teach), the young adults (who no longer come to church), the youth (who have been absent. I only know of three.) In a congregation of 100 members, there are less than a dozen active members who are my age (45) or younger.

They brought it upon themselves, and now they are reaping the harvest.

[supernova]

12. That church I wrote about

in this thread suffers from that also.

I'll give you an example: There are a lot of nice kind of social activities at that church. Among these events is the breakfast following the Easter sunrise service. Every year for well nigh 50 years this one lady had to be called to invite her to organize the planning of it: make sure the hall was set up the day before, make sure the cooks would be there and the food would be bought etc.

This is all in addition to the fact that there is a committee at that church expressly for party planning of this sort. There were younger people around to do the work, but she still had to "supervise."

[RevCheesehead]

13. To them, "supervision" = criticism.

I wouldn't mind if it was constructive, and offered in a polite manner. However, more often than not, I have someone in tears in my office the next day. Their response, after being told their harsh words deeply hurt someone, is usually "they need to get a thicker skin;" or even worse, "that's just Joe. He's like that to everybody."

Then they get all surprised when the hurt people aren't available to help them next time; when they stop coming to church; and when they finally leave. "Must be the Pastor's fault." :eyes:

[supernova]

14. Oh yuck

That's terrible. Sounds a bunch of vile people all found their way to the same church many years ago.

Mine was more on the order of; you had to make your obeisance to the church elders. I.e., face it; you're never going to be a grown up. I got tired of playing second fiddle. And I know there are others.

[dsc]

15. Mine isn't that bad

but the older ones refuse to entertain any thoughts of change at all. It isn't just gay and lesbian issues, it is virtually everything. It is like the church is still in amber.

[davidinalameda]

16. I left my church back in February

I had been attending an Episcopal church for the past year but after the crap that went down at the primates' meeting in Africa, I couldn't be a member in good faith any longer

I'm now attending a UCC in my town and really like it

[Kat45]

17. I love my UCC church.

The most tolerant, progressive church--what churches should be. I'm glad to hear you found a church you like.