A short rant......The member of my Board of Deacons who complains most about worship--

[Critters2]

my sermons, hymns, etc--never attends worship. And by never I mean NEVER. I'm pissed she's even a deacon. But if she's gonna be on the board, she should KEEP HER PIEHOLE SHUT about things that don't concern her. Or she should start getting her ass to church on Sunday mornings!!

That is all.

Critters
just home from a Diaconate meeting

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. And the other deacons should be pressuring her to do her duty

and to shut up about shit she don't know nothin' about.

I think you'd be fully within your right, if she complains about worship at a meeting, to ask her how she knows what your worship style is like. And remind her that hearsay means nothing.

[Critters2]

2. I've decided that I will point this out at the next meeting.

She's really the only unpleasant member of this board. Everyone else is positive, but she just bitches and bitches. Next month, I'm calling her bluff. I'm going to just say "But how would you know? You don't attend worship."

And I'll be thinking, but won't say "So, STFU!"

[RevCheesehead]

3. I'd suggest asking her for some solutions rather than complaints.

That way, you might find out if there's something you can tweak. If she has nothing to say, THEN tell her that the complaints aren't really helping unless she can offer solutions.

Pray for me... I have a PPRC meeting tomorrow night. x(

[Critters2]

4. I have one Thursday. My PPRC is pretty supportive, so I don't worry much.

I'll be praying for you.

[RevCheesehead]

5. Thanks, friend.

:hug:

[Critters2]

6. Let us know how it goes.

And :hug: backatcha!

[RevCheesehead]

7. It was gruelling.

Remind me to NEVER let the PPRC meet when I'm not there.

Last week, they met, and decided that they needed to do something to find out what's wrong - with me. I admit, there are some things I need to work on; and they were very supportive in saying they love me and want me to continue as their pastor. But even so...

I think what it comes down to is that I am not good in asking for help when I need it. And this congregation (the bigger church) is a clergy-killer... and they know it.

I think we accomplished something tonight, but right now I'm just beat.

Thanks, Critters. :hug:

[Critters2]

8. Sorry to hear. They met without you? That does seem like a bad idea.

Are they, and you, sure that there's something wrong with you? After all, it takes two to tango. It's a relationship, so don't take responsibility for more than your share. And find help for the areas where you need it (how's your DS or Bishop as a source of support?).

Mine went okay. There was some shit between me and another pastor last summer, and my PPRC never quite got what the problem was. So, I brought copies of the UCC Pastor's Code of Ethics, and they got to read the line "I will not offer pastoral services within a parish or to members of a parish without the consent of the pastor of that parish". There was a collective "Oh, now I get it!".

And there was a moment when I said "sometimes I think about circulating my profile" and the committee chair said "I think it's a good idea to always have your resume circulating". Yes, I'm sure I was looking for a "Don't do that! We love you!". I've been doing this for 21 years, so I've learned a thing of two about being passive-aggressive ;) So now I'm wondering if I should be circulating.

I've been worried about low attendance, but they were supportive. Said they don't know of any reason, but they certainly hadn't heard any complaints about me. So, that was good.

I'm sorry you're beat. I always go into PPRC meetings expecting the worst, but I've got a good chair here. He's there for me and I find that a relief.

Again, sorry yours was hard. Let me know if I can be of further help. I'll keep you in prayer! :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

9. If you haven't already, both of you might enjoy reading

a series of mysteries from the 1960s and 1970s, Harry Kemelman's "The Rabbi" series. Each book starts with a day of the week, as in Friday the Rabbi Slept Late and Saturday the Rabbi Went Hungry.

Anyway, they're okay as mysteries, but what I really enjoyed, being a preacher's kid and all, was the demonstration that synagogue politics is just like church politics, and the same character types and issues make the clergy person's life miserable.

They're probably out of print, but your library or a used bookstore may have them.

[Critters2]

10. Thanks! I'll take a look! nt

[murielm99]

11. I served on my church's PPRC committee once.

It very nearly drove me out of the church.

[Critters2]

13. Wow! Why?

And sorry to hear.

[Kajsa]

12. Critters, I agree

with the members here.

If she hasn't attended your services, she really doesn't know
what she's talking about.

Rev.Cheesehead gave some good advice.
Ask disgruntled board member for her suggestions,
i.e. we know what her beef is- now what's the solution
according to her viewpoint.

I would bring up the fact that she doesn't attend your services.
It's true and also strips her argument of any credibility.

Good luck!

:hug:

[JVS]

14. Have you tried excommunication?

[RevCheesehead]

15. I'm all for it!

And my PPRC members are seriously considering it, if the church troublemakers keep it up. They even asked the DS how to do it! :)