Words/phrases you hate: feminist edition

[lightningandsnow]

Here's one that gets me going: "Birth Canal." I really hate how it implies female genitalia are only good for having children.

Also, I hate the term "slut". Well, I don't mind so much if someone self-labels as a "slut", but I hate it when people say stuff like "She's dressed like such a slut"

Does anyone else here have any words/phrases that they strongly dislike?

[DawgHouse]

1. Not really a phrase, but more of a sound

Meeeoooowwwwww, or some other cat-like sound. I sometimes hear this at work from males when two women are having a disagreement. It is an attempt to make the women seem petty and silly, no matter that they are having a serious discussion about a business or workplace issue.

I've never heard any "meowing" when the men have loud discussions.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

2. On a related note: catfight

Two women simply can't have a disagreement without the males in their midst trying to turn it into an entertaining spectacle for them.

:grr:

[raccoon]

30. Ditto! I can't stand that word.

And it minimizes women.

If two men have a disagreement, it's important. If two women do, it's a "catfight."

[BlueIris]

3. Couples who say, "We're pregnant." (Especially opposite sex couples.)

The non-pregnant person may be doing work related to the pregnant person's change in health status, but—come on. Only one person is putting her health and life (not to mention quality of life) on the line to create the child.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

9. No shit. Especially since after the kid is born the mom will be doing most of the childcare. nt

[Branjor]

4. "Coed"

Demeaning little word for a female student in a coeducational college. I've never heard the word applied to a male student in the same college.

[femrap]

36. Maybe we should start referring to males as

coeds...after all they attend the same school. I also call males sluts and whores...but I say whoreboy and slutboy.

[iverglas]

49. way way back in the dim mists of time

-- the late 1960s, that is -- a major publisher (I think it was McGraw) put out guidelines on non-exclusive language. They were widely photocopied and circulated (we didn't have faxes then). And "coed" was one of the things they strongly recommended against.

The reason it was only applied to women was that it originated when women began to be admitted to formerly all-male institutions, esp. in the US (the term isn't used at all outside the US in this sense). We do know when that was, right? It wasn't until 1969 in the case of Princeton and Yale, for instance; 1972 for Harvard. So the women students were the embodiment of the "co-educational" process.

(I started law school in 1973. It was only because of a palace coup the previous year that ousted the completely misogynist Irish Catholic dean, a member of the Irish Catholic cabal that ran the bar and bench in that city, that I got into that school -- the class ahead of me had 9 women students out of 107 total; mine was 1/3 women.)

But yes -- decades after schools in the US went coed, and nearly 40 years since I saw those early guidelines, and it's still going on. It's really a little weird. And indeed obnoxious.


Online dictionary says:

co·ed or co-ed (kd) Informal
n. A woman who attends a coeducational college or university.
adj.
1. Of or relating to an education system in which both men and women attend the same institution or classes; coeducational: a coed university.
2. Open to both sexes: a coed dorm; a coed pool.

If you look for it at google.ca, the second meaning is about all you'll find -- coed adult volleyball leagues and the like. Applying it to women has always been almost exclusively a US practice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coeducation

Interesting list of what schools in the US always were co-educational, and when the others became. All it has for Canada is:

Years Canadian educational institutions became coeducational
1884 McGill University
(equivalent of an Ivy League school; also 1884 for the other biggie, University of Toronto)
1980 Royal Military College of Canada

[ismnotwasm]

5. Kind of dumb but

Virgin or virginal as a description. Unless someone is talking about themselves in personal conversation or is otherwise appropriate.

For instance, I hate "Virgin" airlines. I recently saw an add featuring a certain ski resort. The ad showed a hand, with a very old key, then a very old lock. The key unlocked the lock, which turned out to be a chastity belt, above a pair of fishnet stocking legs. Play on virgin snow. By the time I was through sputtering in rage, the ad was over and I didn't catch the name, else I'd be complaining. Loudly. Haven't seen it again.

[BlueIris]

6. Ew! How vile!

A chastidy belt? Right, because no woman remains chaste by choice. Jesus H. Christ, it really is like we're living in the 16th century.

[Ellen Forradalom]

7. 'pure' and 'purity'

As applied to sexuality. I should think that men would be insulted by the notion that they sully women by congress with them.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

8. "Hardwired" drives me freaking nuts

As in, men and women are "hardwired" by biology to act a certain way. It has nothing to do with thousands of years of patriarchal institutions and rigid social conditioning. Nope, the reason we ladies make less money, aren't in positions of power, get stuck with the domestic chores, are considered obsolete after puberty, and have to put up with philandering husbands while remaining faithful is because of our genes. :grr:

[mrreowwr_kittty]

10. Here's another: When a man says he's babysitting his own child

Or when he says he's "helping out around the house". Dude, it's YOUR house too! You make at least half of the messes. It's called "doing your share".

[bliss_eternal]

13. That's just all kinds of wrong.

Really says a lot about how people are conditioned to believe the house and work around it are the woman's responsibility, including caring for the children.

[Samurai_Writer]

14. My brother-in-law says that all the time

It's always, "I have to babysit the girls so L (my sister) can go to work, go running, go to the gym, go to the store, etc.

My boyfriend looked shocked the first time he heard my BiL say that. My boyfriend is a single dad with more than 50% custody, and he would like 100% custody. He found the idea of a father 'babysitting' his own children quite disturbing. As anyone should.

[bliss_eternal]

17. Sounds like...

...you've got a good guy there. ;) :hi:

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

11. When a woman miscarries & some asshat says

"she lost the baby" like she carelessly mislaid it & now can't find it. It drives me bonkers.

[BlueIris]

18. Yeah, right. 'Cause I'm sure "she" and not her body had the final say there.

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH. It's been a while since I've thought about that one—vile.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

19. It blames the woman. She should have, could have, would have,

etc. She must have done something wrong. It's her fault.

I've never had a miscarriage so I have no personal experience with anyone saying something like that to me, but I wonder how women who have had one feel when they hear that? I would think terrible.

[raccoon]

39. I think that's more a euphemism, similar to the word "gone" for dead. nt

[bliss_eternal]

12. "born out of wedlock"

and "illegitimate" make my ears bleed. Really dislike both those terms.

It's making a statement about the unmarried woman and the child she has, and I don't like either statement. It's like saying a woman can't possibly choose to have a child alone. Any child born to an unmarried woman is somehow "less than."
Hate that.

[Samurai_Writer]

15. Illegitimate used to be stamped on birth certificates

A few decades ago, if you were born to a mother who wasn't married, your birth certificate got stamped 'illegitimate'.

I was a single mom in 1978. I can tell you some horror stories of how I was treated because I was pregnant and unmarried. Even though I was doing the 'right thing' and surrendered my child for adoption (after much coercion).

[bliss_eternal]

16. That's disturbing...

...and I wanted to offer you this...:hug: I'm very sorry you were mistreated for being single and pregnant.

I can always tell what generation someone is from, when they use that term. I didn't know it was stamped on birth certificates. That's just awful. I guess it's a tad less offensive than "bastard," but not much.

As related to the op's question, I also dislike terms like "knocked up." Anyone ever notice, certain generations refer to pregnant married women as "in the family way" or "with child" but a pregnant unmarried woman is referred to in a more crude manner. In old movies I've heard pregnant, unmarried young women referred to as "in trouble." :eyes:

[mrreowwr_kittty]

20. Not sure if this is sexist, per se.

But I hate when people (usually male) use sports and military terminology in unrelated situations. I also hate shouted exclamations like "Booyah!".

[bliss_eternal]

22. LOL!

Not sure why, but seeing "Booyah" here, gave me a fit of laughter. :rofl:

Regarding people talking down in unrelated situations:
It really bugs me when "parents" describe every aspect of their children in clinical terminology--every cycle and period of development is described the way one would see it in a textbook.

The pregnancy is described in weeks (as opposed to months which everyone understands). The kid's age is stated in months (i.e. He just turned 20 months).

I know not every parent means it this way, but it seems a way to be condescending to single, childless women and childless by choice women in relationships. Even when I happen to understand what they're saying, it seems the equivalent of intentionally speaking a different language in front of those that aren't native speakers, merely to exclude them from the conversation. Just kinda' rude.

[Ellen Forradalom]

57. What is 'booyah'? Where my mother lives,

it's a soup of Belgian origin served at church suppers.

[BlueIris]

21. "Witch"/"Witchy" when used pejoratively to describe a woman.

Wrong on so many levels, really.

[lightningandsnow]

23. Here's another one: "Promiscuous"

It usually implies that women should feel guilty if they have a lot (or even a moderate amount) of sex.

I have never heard this term used to describe a heterosexual man. Not even once.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

24. Me neither

Kinda goes along with that idea that women are "naturally" monogamous while men are "naturally" polygamous. Amazing how "nature" just so happens to work out in men's favor. Just like patriarchy.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

25. On a related note: What is the definition of a slut?

Answer: A woman who will have sex with practically any man BUT you! :rofl:

[ThomCat]

28. The way I always heard that 'joke' is

"A slut will sleep with anyone. A bitch will sleep with anyone but you."

[treestar]

33. Along with "forward"

Saying you were "forward" with some man, as though only men should have the choice to start a conversation. Or implying a woman is "desperate" is she inititates any part of any relationship. Yet men are never called either of these things, no matter how "forward" or "desperate" their actions.

[BlueIris]

26. Not a word/phrase per se, but I can't stand it when GROWN WOMEN refer to their body parts

or to biological and health issues in language that is juvenile, inaccurate or worse (ie; calling their own vaginas "hoo-has" or describing a urinalysis as "the pee test"). It's not that hard to use the biologically appropriate terminology to describe your body and the healthcare you require to maintain it. Using childish terms instead isn't cute or sweet, even if you do believe it makes you more appealing (ie; stupider and less threatening) to men. It's childish. It's creepy. And from a feminist standpoint, it's offensive.

[ismnotwasm]

27. Me too

That's one thing I like about working in health care. I use accurate words rather than cutsie descriptive bullshit.

No only is it creepy and offensive, it can be almost dangerous. I've met grown women who didn't know they have a urethra and a vagina. They thought everything came out of the same "hole". I'm not joking.

I've met men who didn't realize this either, but that's another story.

[Ellen Forradalom]

66. Tummy, butt and boobs

are words that annoy me. But I have to confess, I find hoo-hoo comical.

[raccoon]

29. The word "girl" used to refer to a female person over 18.

ESPECIALLY when one is talking about middle-aged or older women.

Also, the "c" word.

[femrap]

37. over 12...if you have a period, you're a woman...

I had a boss who continually used the word 'girl.' And I kept asking, 'Are you daughters here?'

[Lydia Leftcoast]

55. I saw a great putdown of that usage back in the 1970s when

Lynette Fromm tried to assassinate Gerald Ford. Time (or Newsweek) had her on its cover with the headline "The Girl Who Shot Ford."

A letter to the editor the next week pointed out that Fromm was 27 years old, and that Lee Harvey Oswald was 24 years old in 1963, but no one ever referred to him as "the boy who shot Kennedy."

[bliss_eternal]

31. In regard to the rape of a man...

hearing (or seeing in print),"they took his manhood." No one says they took a woman's womanhood when a female is raped, assaulted or molested as a youth. I know, more of the double standard, but this one is more troubling to me--what it implies, etc.

:scared: :(

[Branjor]

32. Word....

That one is a biggie. The biggest on this thread, IMO.

[Ellen Forradalom]

34. "Feisty"

Awww, isn't dat cute--she's all riled up. :eyes:

[bliss_eternal]

35. LOL!

That was my "tongue in cheek" screen-name, quite a long time ago--on another board.
It always gave me a giggle to log-in and see that. I don't think anyone got it, though.

[Ellen Forradalom]

58. I just got clubbed in another forum by three people

for supporting the notion that 'feisty' is demeaning.

[xmas74]

38. Just want to add "dog"

since I found myself in an argument in GD-P over a comment a poster made. S/he decided that it was ok to refer to Hillary Clinton as a "dog". I took great offense in that.

That subthread is now deleted.

[raccoon]

40. I've always hated that one too. nt

[xmas74]

43. Let's lessen a woman's accomplishment's

by deriding her looks, shall we? Let's demean her in public.

I really hate that shit. I'll tell you one thing-this primary is really bringing the sexist pigs to light, isn't it.

[BlueIris]

41. x-mas74 is here!!! WELCOME BACK, X-MAS74!!!

[xmas74]

42. And thank you for the warm welcome.

Let me tell ya-GDP is quite the cesspool. I hadn't realized how rampant the misogyny was over there until the other day.

[Branjor]

44. "High spirited"

As in "a high spirited girl", said of a female who either has or has not attained age 18.

What are we, horses?

[Chovexani]

45. Naturally

We're to be broken, after all. :puke:

"Feminazi" is my trigger word. It makes me go all stabbity.

[bliss_eternal]

46. "whipped..."

As in "p**** whipped." As if genitalia is enough to bring a man to his knees. :eyes: Yeah, right.

[BlueIris]

47. I'm not a big fan of people who refer to women who are also parents as "Moms."

As if they do not have lives or identities of their own in addition to their roles as parents. I'm also not a fan of those who refer to women who do not have children as "Non-moms." (I actually read an MSNBC article once that was subtitled "Health Risks For Non-Moms.")

It's one thing when a woman claims that title for herself, whether she is discussing additional aspects of her identity or not. But when people just throw the label "Mom" in the middle of description of a female who happens to have children, whether it is relevant to what they are saying about that female—it drives me friggin' nuts. It's one more way of attempting to define women solely on the basis of whether or not they have children no matter what else they might be doing with their lives.

Another thing I've become acutely aware of since noticing the sexism inherent in the arbitrary use of that label is how few people describe men as "Dads" in any way that is remotely similar. It's also been a while since I've heard any man who is also a father refer to himself as "a Dad" while describing his life or accomplishments.

[Book Lover]

48. b*tch used to not bother me

then I got sucked into this thread...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x4933692

[bliss_eternal]

51. There was a time I didn't think about it.

I honestly didn't blink if I heard it. Since reading and posting here (and around DU in general) I'm more aware of it, and the way it's used. ;) I think about the way it's used, by who and when. I pay more attention to it's use than I ever used to.

[LostinVA]

52. I especially enjoyed the poster who said it was a compliment to be called one

You know, the one who claimed to be a "registered dog breeder" of a breed he couldn't even spell.

[bliss_eternal]

53. LOL!

What a tool. :rofl:

[iverglas]

50. John Smith is a male nurse

What, was there some possibility we were going to mistake him for a female nurse?

Oh yeah, I guess there was. Because nurses are women. By definition.

Ditto and probably more so for: he is a male prostitute.


Re the comments on "high-spirited", which I used to see more in the form "spirited", usually among the characteristics men advertising in personals columns wanted in their women. I usually felt an almost uncontrollable urge to toss my head, whinny and paw the ground

"Bright" relates to another comment here too, re "feisty". Subordinates / children / non-threatening individuals are "bright". Respected individuals making it on their own are "intelligent". Or smart, for short. Women are always "bright".

[bliss_eternal]

54. I'm starting to have issues with "Stay at home mom"

...I don't like the way it's used to make inferences about women that don't stay at home with their children. I also don't like the way it's now being used to say things about men that become primary, home based caregivers for their children. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

[Ellen Forradalom]

56. Yes. Often used in divisive contexts.

Those of us with kids, we're ALL working moms.

[bliss_eternal]

61. Exactly...

...it seems it went from "stay at home mom" to "work at home mom", as if to say the mothers staying at home weren't working, by caring for their families. :eyes:

So now there's this wedge between stay at home vs. work at home--the moms that have developed jobs/careers in addition to the work of being a wife/mother.

I've seen articles that seem to pit women in these situations against each other, or say how one is somehow better than the other--and they really bother me. It's as if women can't be honored and respected for who they are and what they do, no matter what.

[Ellen Forradalom]

62. Good old divide and conquer

I say there are three basic attitudes towards women:

Poor women: Get off your lazy ass and work!
Middle-class women: Breed and mind your children at home, you selfish hussy!
Rich women: You can pretty much do what you want.

The poor woman's lot is invisibility, and the middle-class woman's lot is constant bullying--quite often from other women. The rich can just buy their way out of any dilemmas.

[bliss_eternal]

64. Frighteningly accurate...

...sad but so very true. Especially the part about the constant bullying from other women. It's really awful. They seem to go from competing to bullying on so many things--kids, or no kids, jobs, money, possessions, accomplishments, etc.

[Ellen Forradalom]

65. Yeah. Fuck 'em all.

I have very few women friends because of this. I choose them carefully so as not experience this aggravation.

[bliss_eternal]

67. I totally agree!

I found out that some women used to assume I was phony, because I'm considerate, friendly and what some describe as nice. :eyes: I'm guessing these are rarities these days. lol.

I've learned to get much pickier about who I call a friend. I also realized that those assumptions say more about them than me. ;) They're so used to the game playing inherent to competing and bullying, they have no clue how to recognize authenticity--in themselves or others.

[Ellen Forradalom]

68. I wish sisterhood were global...

...but the sorry truth is, it ain't.

[bliss_eternal]

69. It's not even considered "cool"...

...if it were somehow deemed "trendy", perhaps...(sigh)

[gollygee]

59. Is there a better alternative?

I hate hate hate hate the word "housewife". So if someone asks me what I do, I say I stay home with my daughter. On forms that ask for occupation (I just got a jury summons for instance) I put stay-at-home mom because it's less offensive than housewife. I am a mom who stays at home. Well, and the park and the library, etc., but mainly at home. But I am not married to my house. LOL

[bliss_eternal]

60. LOL--Honestly, I can't think of any...

...and I totally understand disliking "housewife." That term is so loaded.

I wish our society wasn't so stuck on labels, on needing to "brand" everyone and everything.

For example, the way you meet someone and five minutes later,"...what do you do?" or "what are you?"
....Um, I'm human--and you? :shrug:

I understand that for most of the population it's how they've learned to communicate with others. So few people learn how to just talk with others, in ways that aren't gender or even vocation specific, but it still annoys me.

Sorry gollygee, little of this is specific to your situation. lol. I hope you can forgive my rant. What you said made so much sense and made me think of how stuck the world is on putting everyone into boxes.

People like you should be able to say they work from home (if the issue arises) and that should suffice. But given the way society undervalues the work of wives and mothers, it seems new labels were created to address this. But those labels seem loaded in ways, and that bugs me I guess. :hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

63. Good question. Stay at home mom was coined

to put some dignity back into that occupation. But each term suffers the same semantic slide to a pejorative, similar to terms coined to describe Americans of largely African descent.

[mzteris]

70. I'm a SAHFM*, not a SAHM . . .

I use that on message boards - it confuses the hell out of some people. lol.

And no, it is NOT an "oxymoron", moron.





* Stay-at-home-Feminist-Mom