I have always wondered this. Why is many men will want sex, will do all kinds of stuff to get it,

[raccoon]

and afterwards, regard the woman as trash/"Yesterday's Papers"/with an appalling lack of respect, etc?

I'm pushing 60 and I STILL don't know. (Doesn't matter so much to me now, but I'd still like to know.)

[bliss_eternal]

1. Good question.

Wish I had a good answer in response. It confuses me as well. My husband and I were at the store perusing the magazine covers, on check-out. He laughed at one saying something about "biggest male sluts." I dismissed it as a huge contradiction in terms.

:shrug:

[gaspee]

2. JMO

In my opinion it's because our culture lets them get away with it. Women (in general) aren't given much value in our culture. Our culture teaches men that women are for sex and not much else.

Of course, and I can't believe I have to say this here, not all men treat women this way. I can't believe I have to put that disclaimer here, but we've seen time and time again what happens here at DU if that disclaimer isn't made.

[Captain Hilts]

3. Should have seen all the DUers defending "Hooters" restaurants..

in a Galveston thread.

[bliss_eternal]

6. Ugh. Why am I not surprised by this...?

lol. Seriously. After entering the main page to see campaign ads that resembled Girls Gone Wild videos, I can believe just about anything will appear and be defended here.

Bet they were saying how the food there is really quite delicious, and they didn't even notice the scantily clad woman serving it. :eyes:

[ThomCat]

4. I don't know either.

:shrug:

As a guy I should have a clue, but there isn't a simple answer.

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. Because they hate themselves?

Perhaps they are trying to distance themselves from their deeds. "Geez, what kinda girl would sleep with a sleazeball like me? "

I wondered for years why my husband won't listen to me. I finally figured he dismisses me as the girl who was dumb enough to marry him.

[bliss_eternal]

7. hey...

...you're not dumb. :hug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

8. Oh, I know

I was being (mostly) facetious. But I do think there is a bit of truth to the idea of male self-loathing.

:hug:

[bliss_eternal]

10. I'll agree with that idea....

...self loathing, insecurity, all that stuff.

[ismnotwasm]

9. Fear

And hatred. When I'm at my most bitter, I could borrow parts of the S.C.U.M manifesto on this, but I won't. Suffice to say, that what I'm in "that" mood I just think, men? Once you sperm banked enough for genetic diversity, are essentially unnecessary.
(I invent my OWN bullshit evo-psychology)

Yeah yeah stronger and all that shit but within human beings are many women physically stronger than men. Certainly as strong as men. Women can do anything men can do other than produce sperm, which men do in excess, in every single ejaculate. One of natures impulsive and extreme generosities. We're taught that the function of the human body is survival, and the prime directive of the human being is to reproduce. So here you have these guys, with this excess of sperm most of which doesn't really DO anything. Unlike a female body, which has a limited, but invaluable capacity to create, and nurture life. Far more powerful really. And as our understanding of genetics and hormones grow, you can't beat microchondia and the many forms of estrogen. Even the Darwinian hunter gatherer societies were sustained through rough times by the gatherers, since meat was never a guanantee.

Fear, hatred and jealousy, they need us so much, in some twisted men it turns to hate. So we have Dirty Sex put forth as "free love" or "enlightened" rather than the deeply sensual erotic pleasure it should be. Dirty sex needs dirty girls to reinforce the delusion of power.

To degrade someone in the manner many men do, that they've had sex with, is a mental illness as far as I'm concerned. And I'm not talking about the morning after giggles, or mild gossip, or sex play. I'm talking about complete disrespect. Seems men like this know their sperm doesn't count for much, since in doing this they disrespect themselves. Dumbassess, but dangerous dumbasses who happen to rule most of the world, and being victors, have written history.

Thank goodness I found a male and a life partner who thinks sex between us is sacred (his words, I'm FAR more earthy) since I'm disgustingly hetero.

[shimmergal]

11. Don't have an answer, but

there ARE things women can do to keep this attitude from impacting them too badly.

1. Never have sex with anyone unless YOU really want to.

2. Try not to let your self-concept be tied up with what any one man -- or even many men -- think about you.

3. If you do have sex with a guy without having a real relationship, stay cool afterwards. Even if it goes against all your inclinations. You don't "belong" to him any more afterwards; you don't owe him anything more . . . and he'll be puzzled why you're not doing the "when will you call me?" bit.

[raccoon]

13. I'd also suggest if you do have sex with a guy without having a real relationship,

it's best if the two of you don't know the same people.

Reason? Lots of men will go out and tell all their little friends that they had sex with you. Then their little friends will be calling you, figuring that if you had sex with X, you'll have sex with them too.

I think the best way to do it would be to go to Las Vegas and pick up some man you never saw before and never will see again. (I'm kind of being sarcastic, also kind of serious.)

[bliss_eternal]

17. Actually, mirroring their behavior can be helpful....

...ever just treated a guy like "a penis"? Like the "roll in the hay" that they treat women like?
I won't go into details, but I assure you....they don't like it anymore than women. ;)

Getting up right after saying,"...wow--that was nice, but I need a shower," without no attempts at cuddling or "chatting" about "feelings." Demanding they leave and not stay the night..."...sorry, gotta' get up early tomorow."

Sure there's a certain kind of guy that won't think twice about this. But most aren't used to women behaving this way, and tend to get freaked out about it. Very freaked out.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

12. Madonna/Whore complex that has been drilled into their dim little heads from birth.

Plus they prolly figure that any woman who will have sex with them without going through the silly charades of courtship isn't someone who will submit to their ownership and control. She might just go off with the next piece of ass that comes along. Obviously, it isn't presented this way in popular culture. It's portrayed in a way that's most flattering to men. Hence, the narrative that all women are desperate for a man to luuurve them and the guys are the ones calling all the shots. They wish. Women seem to buy into it until they're about 30 or so, when they realize what a crock of crap it is.

[raccoon]

14. I think you're onto something there,

"isn't someone who will submit to their ownership and control."

[ismnotwasm]

15. Which also explains the fascination with teenage girls

Some of who look damn near prepubescent.

[bliss_eternal]

19. Totally.

It seems to extend beyond Catholicism, but seems heightened for men that were raised with religious doctrine/dogma.
Such garbage.

Good answer, cb.

[femrap]

16. The French have a saying...

'un peu mort'...something like that which means 'a little death.' Each time a man has sex, he dies a little.

Let me translate what that means to me...MOST (as gaspee says) males are pissed that they are dependent on women for sex. They see this as a loss of their power/machismo. So after having sex, they treat the woman like crap. They die a little (reduction of their 'power') each time they have sex.

I actually believe that this is TAUGHT in our culture. So it causes most males a lot of psychological problems. And women feel horrible from this treatment by the males. It's just part of this crap called Patriarchy.

Then there is another theory: Women create life, males destroy it...Venus Envy.

Great Question!

[bliss_eternal]

18. Interesting theory.

I like it. :thumbsup: