BREAKING: SANTORUM TRYING TO BAN MASTURBATION, ORAL SEX

[Halliburton]

http://americablog.blogspot.com/2006/06/rick-santorum-its-all-about-sodomy.html

:wow:

[personman]

1. Whack it fer freedom! n/t

[WhoWantsToBeOccupied]

43. I thought they hated us for our freedom

[Mabus]

48. nah, just our pursuit of happiness

:rofl:

[corkhead]

58. They'll take away my self pleasure when they pry me from my cold dead hand

[Chiyo-chichi]

68. LOL

[helderheid]

78. LMAO!!

:rofl:

Thank you!

[Tin Man]

83. Bahawaha - good one!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[adwon]

93. Stroke a blow for liberty!

[BOSSHOG]

2. Lil ricky is protesting waaaay too much!

Oh sure rick, you think you are getting in my bedroom? This is what those kind of people have to do to get those kind of people to vote for them. Go fuck yourself ricky, you are wound way too tight.

[RedStateShame]

14. By his own rules, I don't think Santorum is allowed to go fuck himself

[Bake]

69. Would that be man-on-dog?

That would violate his own rules.

Bake

[long_green]

95. Bill Hicks said it (about others)...

you can't be that conservative without some REALLY BIG SKELETONS in your closet.

[ThomCat]

3. Surely, you're not surprised.

He's pandering to the religious right in an effort to save his political ass.

[BOSSHOG]

5. And his pandering is political masturbation right on the floor of

the senate.

[ThomCat]

12. Good description.

Disturbing, but accurate.

[nolies32fouettes]

25. Pandering but also he's wacko! It's not unusual for him 2b outrageous

http://www.progressiveu.org/190000-bush-panders-to-base-with-anti-gay-movement-formalizing-discrimination-in-legal-status

[Bluzmann57]

4. When I first saw your subject line, I thought it was a joke

I thought what the heck, I could use a good laugh may as well read it. But then I read the article and lo and behold, it appears to be serious. This boy Santorum has some major problems and quite possibly should be in therapy. Gotta wonder about his wife and what she thinks about all of this.

[rustydog]

6. Don't you hate it when an addict tries to force his new found

abstinence on you?

[Digit]

7. Not exactly a stroke of genius on his part n/t

[badgerpup]

10. Huh huh...you said 'stroke'...huh huh...huh huh...

Sometimes Beavis and Butthead do provide le mot juste...
:rofl:

[TheCowsCameHome]

8. Either could have prevented him from being conceived - too bad.

[ComerPerro]

9. That small-government conservative wants the feds to ban masturbation?

LOL

[ItsTheMediaStupid]

15. Small government featuring a small camera in your bedroom

nm

[ThomCat]

16. That really would be funny if they really ever beleived

in small government. They believed that part of the government should be small, but that's only the part that actually helps people. They never advocated shrinking the military, police, and give-money-to-big-business parts of government.

Morality police fits in nicely with their idea of what the government should be doing, and how.

[BR_Parkway]

40. So would 14 year olds be tried as adults or children?

[ComerPerro]

61. would serial masturbators be put in solitary confinement?

Is there a "3 strikes" rule?

Would chronic masturbaters be incarcerated, or reccomended for medical evaluation and treatment?

[RandomKoolzip]

63. No, "3 Strokes."

[ComerPerro]

65. Can you imagine the fate of someone who is in prison for masturbating?

[RandomKoolzip]

80. Put him in a place where there's nothing to do BUT masturbate all day?

Just like jailing a man for sodomizing another man: they're gonna hafta find a more appropriate punishment for that than locking the dude away in a prison full of lonely, horny men.

Just sayin'.

[The_Warmth]

116. LOL

really =)

[Burried News]

76. Funny.

Is it still OK to wash it if you go slow?

[Iniquitous Bunny]

146. Conservatives want small government if they agree with you.

Otherwise, they appear to have no problem with laws (unenforceable, mind you) against the most personal of acts and decisions.

[FreakinDJ]

11. Too Funny

"Lil Boy Blew with his finger in the Dyke"

[ItsTheMediaStupid]

13. Operation Infinite Purity

Winning the War on Masturbation.

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/index.asp
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Edited to Correctly send all of you sinners to Operation Infinite Purity.

[karlrschneider]

57. Ah, Landoverbaptist....gotta love 'em!

:D

There seems to be an epidemic of broken sarcasmometers out there:

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/mail/0506.html

[Canuckistanian]

75. They're funny 'cause they're true...

[klook]

143. No more hairy palms!

Saving America's future, one thin white rope at a time.

[bdamomma]

17. oh boy, these are just so stuck on sex

they don't have anything else to focus on, what a bunch of wusses.

[Junkdrawer]

18. Branching out from "man on dog" outrage I see...

Go, Ricky, Go...

[OhioChick]

19. What a ridiculous POS n/t

[elehhhhna]

20. uh oh. No mention of Box turtles?

[npincus]

21. tell him not to talk with his mouth full

[ThomCat]

23. I think he deludes himself that he's a 'Top.'

Except when he's begging his donors for money, of course.

[LynneSin]

22. My god, what kind of repressed childhood did this man live?

He probably had parents who caught him playing with his pee-pee and abused the shit out of them. If you don't like Oral/Anal/Masturbation/Sex-in-general then DON'T DO IT.

[noonwitch]

36. Or he had beatnik parents like Ned Flanders did

And so now he has to totally repudiate their ways.

[rkc3]

51. Repressed childhood?

How about repressed adulthood? I think the guy lays awake at night worrying that someone will out him while hoping it happens so he can quit living the lie.

[Why Syzygy]

56. I think Scalia got off when he wrote this decision >

Santorum just spent a lot of time defending Justice Scalia's dissent in the case. Santorum agrees with Scalia's dissent. That would be the dissent in which Scalia said the following:
State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers’ validation of laws based on moral choices. Every single one of these laws is called into question by today’s decision; the Court makes no effort to cabin the scope of its decision to exclude them from its holding.
***

In more ways than one.

[Burried News]

81. How long before exubberant drumming will be banned?

Not to mention the guitar, banjo, zither, mandolin, bazouki and balilika... thank God Lawrence Welk is still OK. Annna wun annnaah two ...

[immoderate]

121. Remember the dead fetus.

When his wife miscarried, he took the dead fetus home and introduced it to his brothers and sisters. Is this boy sick or what?

--IMM

[klook]

144. Good God, this is for real.

I guess I've been under a rock, because I hadn't heard this before.

Upon their son's death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen's parents' home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.
source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A61804-2005Apr17.html

And this sick twisted moron has a photograph of the dead fetus on his office wall.

This is going to weird me out for several days to come.

:freak: :scared: :wow:

[immoderate]

145. Hard to beat Santorum at that game.

Who's crazier than Rick? Who would want to try for the record after that? And he's so anxious to pass it along to his children.

--IMM

[WillyT]

24. In That Order ???

:rofl::evilgrin::rofl:

Tell him to go suck himself!

[Tom Joad]

26. Ricky will be replaced by someone who only wants to limit women's

reproductive rights.
why am i not celebrating?!?

[WI_DEM]

27. Just because he can't get any he wants to spoil the fun for everyone else

[Junkdrawer]

28. Google "Santorum definition"...

:evilgrin:

[stepnw1f]

29. Excellent... He's Toast! (nt)

[Az_lefty]

30. Why are RW wacko's so obsessed with sex?

it seems like an unhealthy obsession.

[LynneSin]

31. Because they probably aren't getting any

I swear to God the reason Santorum is so anti-gay is either because he was horribly repressed during his childhood or just not getting any from his wife except to procreate (we know he's had sex 7 times - 6 kids and the fetus)

[DoYouEverWonder]

35. This thread definitely needs more cowbell

Good to see ya.

[Burried News]

82. Sure they're all his are you?

[Hepburn]

64. IMO...

...because those who can do...and those who can't, talk about it!

[dogday]

32. RW or not, I think there will be plenty of

people who would oppose this law.. So ridiculous, it makes me want to :rofl:

[spuddonna]

33. New theme song for Ricky's campaign: The Stroke by Billy Squier

Or maybe "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors... :7

[LuckyLib]

96. Or how 'bout "Touch Me in the Morning."

[spuddonna]

99. LOL! That's a good one too! :) n/t

[greiner3]

110. Then there's always the all-time;

when I think of you, I touch myself!

[ldf]

119. or the TUBES

Don't touch me THERE!

:-)

[spuddonna]

133. Or the Safety Dance by Men Without Hats!

That was a bizarre video... :)

[eviltwin2525]

120. everybody Wang Chung tonight!

!

[spuddonna]

132. LOL! It's like the 80's dance floor!

:bounce: Everybody have fun tonite! lol

[raccoon]

34. What a moron. Thank goodness he's not from a Southern state.

Somebody'd be sure to say the South has such stupid politicians.

Which would be true. So does the Midwest, Southwest, Northeast, and Northwest. And Alaska and Hawaii.

[LynneSin]

38. Actually, you're very wrong there!!!

Rick may be a Pennsylvania Senator but he lives fulltime in Virginia, which is a Southern state

[raccoon]

46. Arrggghhh! I may have to resign from DU or something. nt

[OneBlueSky]

37. by 2010, all Americans age 10 and older will have subcutaneous . . .

RFID chips permanently implanted in their genital areas . . .

whenever a citizen becomes aroused, an alarm will sound at the local MPU (Masturbation Prevention Unit), and a compliance officer will immediately be dispatched to ensure that the arousal is "legitimate" . . .

the first three incidents will elicit only warnings -- given that first offenders are likely well underage . . .

fine and/or imprisonment schedules for subsequent offenses will be established by individual state legislatures . . . in order to preserve states' rights, don'tcha know . . .

[ixion]

59. the cacophony from the arousal alarms would be deafening

really... you think cell phones are bad... and just imagine the number of sex cops it would take to enforce. :rofl:

[Brazenly Liberal]

39. There aren't enough sex cops in America to enforce that law

14 year old boys alone would keep them busy 24/7 breaking down bathroom doors.

[ComerPerro]

62. FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS

[Canuckistanian]

72. LOL

[TankLV]

127. Not to mentionall t he 30 year old single repukes!

Still living with Mom!

[jillan]

41. Maybe lil Ricky can get the NSA to put

survellience cameras in everyone's bedrooms.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

42. damn. I enjoy both those things.

[WillyT]

47. Hey Man... The First Time I Had Sex... I Was So Scared...

I was all by myself!

:evilgrin:

[long_green]

94. I too, was self-abused as a child

nm

[Canuckistanian]

111. When it comes to sex, I hold my own

I'm no master of my domain.

[kwolf68]

44. I think Im voting for Santorum

Though clinically insane, Santorum is just too much fun. I mean, to make such suggestions make sense to me. I know I know…if it was the 15th century, but still, they are good ideas. We’ll not really, but they are sure as hell fun to listen to, especially from a US Senator, who should have at least a minimal grasp of common sense.

I am just joking folks, but I will tell you if my move to PA does go through and I get a chance to vote, while pulling the lever for Casey, I will look at Ricky’s name and smile a bit knowing I had a chance to vote for the kookiest man on planet earth.

[rman]

45. mandatory Orwell "1984" quote:

"With Julia, everything came back to her own sexuality. As soon as this was touched upon in any way she was capable of great acuteness. Unlike Winston, she had grasped the inner meaning of the Party's sexual puritanism. It was not merely that the sex instinct created a world of its own which was outside the Party's control and which therefore had to be destroyed if possible. What was more important was that sexual deprivation induced hysteria, which was undesirable because it could be transformed into war fever and leader worship. The way she put it was: "When you make love you're using up energy; and aftewards you feel happy and don't give a shit for anything. They can't bear you to feel like that. They want you to be bursting with energy all the time. All this marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simply sex gone sour. If you're happy inside yourself, why should you get excited about Big Brother and the Three-Year Plans and the Two Minute Hates and all the rest of their bloody rot?"

[file83]

135. Very appropriate, rman.

:thumbsup:

[lildreamer316]

49. Okay. That's it. I'm done.

Straw and camel and all that.
We have officially crossed into the Twilight Zone or.....I'm at a total loss.
If you need me I'll be over in the corner with my music and my drugs for awhile.

OUT of their minds.

[Minnesota_Lib]

50. Without mutual masterbation, all discourse among the right would cease.

[kwolf68]

52. Where can you get official transcripts

...There are no direct quotes in that text from Santorum himself.

[LibertyLover]

84. Official transcripts

Congressional Record. They are published the day after each session of the House and/or Senate. I haven't had to deal with them for 11 years, but when I did, there was no daily index - you just had to read through the entire portion dedicated to whichever chamber you were interested in to find the quotes and speaches of whatever the senator or representative you were interested in.

[kwolf68]

103. Thanks.

I thought so.

[CatholicEdHead]

107. You can get the Record online here

http://www.gpoaccess.gov/crecord/index.html

[stubtoe]

53. Lotsa luck, dude.

[Pacifist Patriot]

54. I've got it!

He's now suffering from Erectile Dysfunction and is pissed the rest of us can get off while he can't. What a self-righteous hateful windbag!

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

55. Didn't Gawd try the same thing?

With about the same results.

[ellenfl]

60. i guess that answers the post seen elsewhere about

sam brownback being the dumbest person on the planet. this congress is full of these guys . . . like george allen, frist . . . there are so many i can't think of them all. funny, most of them are repugs . . . the nanny party.

ellen fl

[Catchawave]

66. Should have framed my thread

more dramatically :rofl:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1363975&mesg_id=1363975

[ronnykmarshall]

67. What a jerk off!

Someone had to say it!

70. this post was at 69 replies when I clicked on it n/t

[titoresque]

79. Pervert!11111!! Terrorist!11!!!!!! eom.

[gauguin57]

71. So he and self-righteous karen can boink their way to a passel of kids,

but no one else is allowed to do ANYTHING with their wing-wangs?

Come ON, Ricky! Get off the dog, and get out of our bedrooms!

[sinkingfeeling]

73. OMG!! WHAT WILL WE TELL THE CHILDREN?!!!

[Fleshdancer]

74. breaking: Rick Santorum voted absolute worst lover in America

no, I don't have a link. Quite frankly, I don't need one.

And a note for all parents and future parents: This is what happens when you tell your little kid that his/her genitalia is bad and dirty. Don't do that. Don't raise a future Santorum. ;)

[Goblinmonger]

77. I couldn't read that article withouth thinking about the SNL skit

about Colonel Anal Angus. That was damn funny.

[malaise]

85. Fugg him n/t

[nickgutierrez]

86. I was sure this was a joke.

I clicked this expecting a link to Al Franken, or The Onion.

Nope, this, apparently is real.

Holy shit.

[IronLionZion]

87. Breaking: Sick Rick is Opus Dei

what else is new? He punishes himself like the albino monk in the movie. I would say poor fellow, but he's actually gotten quite rich from his money laundering...er...charity and PAC.

[Pachamama]

88. What do Ricky and Mrs. Santorum do together?

Separate Beds? Lanz of Salzburg Flannel Nightgown on both of them along? Chalices (sp?) around both their legs and hands tied down at night?

Someone please put this man out of his misery....And hopefully Mrs. Santorum has a nice lover (male or female) on the side that is pleasuring her while Ricky is running around frothing at the mouth about what we all can't and shouldn't do in our bedrooms.

[Canuckistanian]

117. They use a sheet with a hole in it

Then they disinfect themselves afterwards.

[Javaman]

89. first check if he has hairy palms!!!!!! nt

[bumblebee1]

141. You might want to check his eyesight.

See if he's blind.

[Javaman]

90. He's either one sick dude, doesn't get any or both. nt

[Love Bug]

91. Yikes! Yet another reason to feel sorry for his wife (if he has one)!

[yellowcanine]

92. 2 ,4, 6,8, We still want to masturbate! 8 ,6 4, 2 Ten to One YOU do TOO!

"90 % of men admit that they masturbate. The other 10% are liars."

[LuckyLib]

97. Speaking of whack jobs, can we get any more of them in our

government. As a nation, you have to work to have this many idiots in positions of power.

[sellitman]

98. Here's what Santorum's ideas spawn....

http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[butterfly77]

100. These people are really crazy!

Why do they care if someone masturbates will they put cameras in everyones houses to find out. What will they do to criminals that are already in jail.

[secular humanoid]

101. WHAT A WANKER!

sorry for resorting to ad hominem argument


peace

[Rocknrule]

102. So does that mean we get to arrest * for jerking off to Independence Day?

:evilgrin:

[KansDem]

104. Masturbation's bad? Hey, Rick, I'm from Missouri. You got to "show me."

Well, actually, I live in Kansas, but I couldn't pass up a jab like that!


on edit: I work in Missouri...

[RagAss]

105. Fucking Assclown.....what happened to this fucking country ????

[in_cog_ni_to]

106. Daaaaaaaaamn! How the FUCK does he plan on 'monitoring' THAT?

Cameras in every bedroom? Cameras in every car in the backseat? Is he fucking CRAZY? uh, never mind, don't answer that. OF COURSE HE'S CRAZY! What a FOOL!

[justice1]

108. Does this mean republicans won't campaign in "swing" states?

[eppur_se_muova]

109. Well, now he's REALLY lost the base.

Doesn't he know they're only against OTHER PEOPLE doing those things?

[Jacobin]

112. Just goes ta show ya how close these cretins are to the Taliban

Methinks they would get along just fine, philosophically speaking.

[tabasco]

113. How many times can we shake it after we pee?

Is the three shakes rule in effect?

[Halliburton]

115. yes

three shakes and you're out!

[TankLV]

128. What if somebody else HELPS?

Does it still count!

How about 2 shakes and a light tap?

Or two taps and a shiver?

Or...

[NJ Democrats]

114. Fuck You Santorum!!!

[achtung_circus]

118. Can you explain this for me?

""Santorum just spent a lot of time defending Justice Scalia's dissent in the case. Santorum agrees with Scalia's dissent. That would be the dissent in which Scalia said the following:

"State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers’ validation of laws based on moral choices. Every single one of these laws is called into question by today’s decision; the Court makes no effort to cabin the scope of its decision to exclude them from its holding."

Yes, Rick Santorum just made the entire debate about masturbation and oral sex.""

So is childhood incest OK?????

What about this????

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/index.asp

[TankLV]

129. Childhood incest is OK because thqat's what repuke do.

IOKIYAAR.

[undergroundpanther]

122. And how exactly would he make sure no one is masturbating?

Cameras in every bedroom? Semen /vaginal fluid tests everyday,you have to take your underwear/bedsheets in everyday for testing..HOW would a ban like this be done.. How far are these right wing fanatics abusing the state gonna intrude into our lives?
And what would the penalty be?
What an asshole.

[TankLV]

130. Think of the savings on Kleenax!

Maybe I could finally afford that new home now!

[robbedvoter]

123. Scalia really, more than Santorum - what a sense of priorities:

From his dissent
"State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers’ validation of laws based on moral choices. Every single one of these laws is called into question by today’s decision; the Court makes no effort to cabin the scope of its decision to exclude them from its holding."

So, according to Scalia masturbation and incest are equally bad, same goes for adultery and bestiality.
No wonder those impeachment managers were eventually arrested sampling the entire menu - thay can't decide what to chose!

[misternormal]

124. It must be for self-help...

... He can't stop... I mean he just can't... All of those trips to the little Senator's room is slowing down congress... His thought process is... If it is illegal, then I can't in good conscience jack off between votes...

[TankLV]

125. Well 50% of the population admits to masturbating regularly.

The other 50% are just LIARS!

[hopeisaplace]

126. now we know what the Detention Centers are for

Masturbating Americans - :crazy:

[bridgit]

131. why don't these assholes ban spousal abuse, child abuse...

, usery, or war profits. these are not federal issues, they are states issues if any at all; republicans are failed civil, local, state, national & world leaders, and they must be run out of town

[file83]

134. Santorum probably wacked off this morning before he spoke.

Friggin' hypocrite.

[Sleepless In NY]

138. Ricky! You are going to drive O'Reilly over the edge!

O'Reilly not masturbate? Come on, Ricky! You're killing him!

[upi402]

136. BREAKING: Ohio and New York flooded with refugees

Red Cross rushing Kleenex and paper towels to border states.

[bumblebee1]

137. This leaves one to question?

Did Ricky ever get laid when in high school or college?

"Turning Japanese" LOL I love that choice for the Santorum senate campaign in PA.

I told one of my co-workers about several monikers for Santorum. He laughed his ass off with "Sancrotum."

[Swamp Rat]

139. Why? So only HE gets to do it???

That's unfair! :(

[upi402]

140. Men throughout PA are waking up on kickstands

[RobertSeattle]

142. Nominated for Funniest DU Subject lines ever!