I have a dilemma

[3days]

I tried to go over to raptureletters.com because I wanted to cover all my bases. You see they send a letter to whomever you add to their little list

" The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are
taken up to heaven.

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have
just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

How is this accomplished, you might ask. It's a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset.

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that.

This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven."

They send this letter after "the rapture" or the end of the world brought upon by their god coming back and taking them all to heaven or something like that.
Anyway, I tried to go there and got this:



Should I be concerned? Are you all there? I hate being late.

[acmejack]

1. Too bad, it was a special, limited time offer!

See you in Hell...

[3days]

2. I knew it

Damned fine print.

[electropop]

37. God Damn it! How the Fuck did I miss it?

And where is my dog?

[annabanana]

3. lol

best laugh of the morning..

[tavalon]

4. Are you saying that the rapture may already have happened?

Because if you're right, I am one relieved chicka here. See, when I was young and impressionable I did the whole "born again" thing and while I've moved on and become, frankly, appalled at these fake Christians, I have harbored a secret fear that I might end up in their stupid fuck, batshit crazy rapture. To have to live all eternity with those freakazoids is not something real high on my list. I haven't yet been able to find out how to revoke my "born again" status and thereby avoid this fate worse than death.

In the event that the rapture hasn't happened yet, any information you or any other DUers might be able to provide about such revokation would be muchly appreciated.

:evilgrin:

[3days]

7. My concern exactly

I guess only the heathens are left.....Drinks at 6?

[tavalon]

10. am or pm?

:evilgrin:

It's gonna be so nice here without all of "them".

[ptolle]

48. OK

And I hope that at least one of the godbotherers owned an s class Mercedes and that the keys didn't ascend with them.I figure when they're all gone we heathens get all their stuff.

[electropop]

38. Marry another woman.

You'll assure yourself an eternity in Hell, with all the fun people from DU, like me.

[nuxvomica]

5. I'm in a real pickle right now

I'm currently typing on a wireless keyboard with my head knocking against the ceiling.

[mark11727]

29. Ya supposed ta be OUTDOORS come da Rapture...!

Din't they teach ya nothin' in Sunday school...?

[liberal N proud]

6. What? - Did I miss the bus?

Damn!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[tavalon]

9. Apparently so

We'll all know for sure on Friday. Here's their spiel:

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that.




:evilgrin:

On edit: I just realized the OP had already posted the Friday part. Oh, well, I guess it doesn't hurt to post it twice! LOL

[3days]

11. FRIDAY

I didn't have a chance to add myself to the list. Will someone please forward theirs to me if they get one. Kind of like copying a coupon or rubbing a handstamp at a bar. It might still work.

[truth2power]

22. You can rub handstamps at a bar?? Never knew that..Heh heh.

Thanks for the tip. :rofl:

[3days]

26. A little heathen training

May be in order.

[truth2power]

46. I'm old. That may be sufficient excuse..

:evilgrin:

[BushOut06]

8. Boy, are all those fundies screwed now!

If the rapture did take place already, then why are they still running around? Could it be they were wrong? Maybe South Park was correct, and it was the Mormons who had it right!

[mwb970]

12. This "Rapture" thing is almost as dumb as the "War On Christmas".

Where do they get this crap? The degree to which some religious types will believe anything - and I mean anything - that they are told (in a sufficiently loud, outraged voice, repeated many times) is truly amazing. They seem incapable of the kind of independent, critical thinking that would reveal the Rapture for the crock it is. They behave like innocent, trusting 5-year-olds, and their "leaders" take complete advantage of their simple-mindedness.

I weep for the future.

[ginnyinWI]

35. I think it got started some time around 1920

It was a really good way to fill up the pews and revival tents and increase revenues.
Yes I agree--you have to suspend all rational thinking to get into this.

Those who believe in the rapture have no reason to be responsible for anything else--the environment, our national debt, educational standards, etc--because the "good people" will be gone soon, and the rest of us don't deserve anything anyway!

Back in the 70's I remember that people said the Rapture was sure to happen "any day now" because the times were then so bad! But we hadn't seen nothin' yet. :(

[PA Democrat]

13. Those jerks are still on TV over at the 700 Club

Please don't get my hopes up like that again. :evilgrin:

[sasha031]

14. aren't they just delightful

http://www.raptureready.com/photo/mansions/mansions.htm...


:sarcasm:

[electropop]

39. Isn't that "Elvira" grilled cheese?

I've got a freezer full of that crap. I was looking for the VM sandwiches and mis-read the label.

[Frustratedlady]

15. Thank you, thank you!!!

Thanks for the morning laugh. I will think of you every time I am denied access to a site, no matter what it is.

I have a question. During the Rapture, won't all believers be taken to wherever to rapt? Won't GW be leading the group? Is that a bad thing? Won't we FINALLY be free?

Friday, eh? ROTFLMHO

[meganmonkey]

16. Indeed, I want the rapture to come and go

so we can have our planet back :)

[sasha031]

17. Bush could be the antichrist

http://www.raptureready.com/photo/antichrists/rap83i.html





along with a few others, check it out , also check out their index

[YOY]

36. I love their list

Muammar Qaddafi: They claim he has been very quiet since the 80's. Actually, he's made reparations for Locharby, Scotland and been a strong driving force in the creation and development of the African Union...He's also been at the center of the Bulgarian Doctors and Nurses trial that is charging them with purposedly giving children HIV. Idiots...if it's not on Fox news than I guess they wouldn't know it.

Kofi Annan, Price Charles, Prince William??? Aw jesus what a bunch of maroons!

[sasha031]

49. their nose never leaves the bible

if it's not in the scriptures or the 700 club, it didn't happen.

[3days]

21. According to them

We should get the e-mail on the Friday following said rapture. I guess they have made arrangements to keep the lights on in case of horrible destruction. You know, the whole fire and brimestone thing.

[Debau2005]

18. I am still here!

I got a "cannot find server" error. I guess they took it with them! :rofl:

Looks like everyone here at work is stuck with me. Even the fundie is here...I guess he missed the "boat" so to speak.....

Thanks for the HUGE LAUGH this morning.

[shraby]

19. If they all get raptured, who will send out the letters?

[PeterPuck]

32. it is a computer program

The person running the site has to manually reset the system every week. If he does not, the program will send out the emails on Friday.

I wonder what kind of backup system he has in case something happens and he can't get to the system (let's say he dies in an accident).

That would really mess with the fundies.

[Frustratedlady]

33. Instead of, "Last One Out Turn Out The Lights"

It is now "Last One Out Hit SEND!"

I'm really behind, here. They are discussing the rapture on religious TV programs? Does that mean I have to look at Roberts and his ilk if I go in to check them out?

[malaise]

20. LOL

All I want from the rapture believers is for them to sign over their bank accounts and property to the rest of us.

[FloridaPat]

23. When we bombed Hiroshima, people just disappeared. Went up

in smoke. I', wondering if maybe this is the Rapture? You know how religious nuts misinterpret things written in the Bible. Wow. Does this mean the Bible is foretelling of the end of the know world through a nuclear bomb war? People just disappear. And those left behind have to start over.

[Mr_Scarecrow]

24. Maybe it already happened

and all of us got an email but it got identified as SPAM and deleted!

Which leads me to the only slogan I have ever thought of, "The Rapture is Spam."

What do you think? Could it be a slogan for the anti-Rapture crowd?

[kay1864]

25. Well it's working now...

And here's the letter all of us heathens will (eventually!) receive:

Dear Friend;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently
disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you
and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken
up to heaven.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation,
the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers
in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came
to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of
God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all
these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have
so much credibility that most of the world will believe them.

It will sound like the truth!

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh,
came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him
and made Him their Lord.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is
not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a
sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was
your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be
forgiven. I ask you to forgive me and I will repent of my sins. In Jesus
name I pray."

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God
will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have
also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to
bring others to Christ.

God bless you.

(note that the author still hasn't grasped that whole "Electronic Message" thingy--they're still hitting a carriage return at the end of each sentence, like on a typewriter...)

But I thought the whole "Left Behind" series indicated there was no second chance--that after the rapture, everyone remaining is damned? So why the "it is not too late" paragraph?

Any rapture experts that can help me out on this? It's important...

[3days]

27. Yeah, I might have a little problem with this part

"If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is
not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a
sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good."

Can we party for a bit while the others are gone before I have to say this?

[kay1864]

30. IIRC...

You have 1000 years before the coming of the Antichrist, so party away!


Of course I could be wrong on that...

[tavalon]

50. Hell,

according to the fundie doctrine, as soon as you "accept Jesus as your personal savior" you are forever allowed to do whatever the fuck you want. It's like Jesus is your own personal accomplice. Absurd doctrine, they've got themselves. Of course, most of the believers have the reasoning skills of five year olds so it doesn't matter to them that it makes no fucking sense!

[3days]

28. Dilemma part 2

In the letter that is sent out it states:

"If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation,
the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers
in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.)"

Yet in the fundraising portion it states:

"Ninety percent of all donations we receive are used to further the kingdom of God and 10% goes toward administration costs."

So does god need the dough for construction up in heaven? How much do contractors charge in heaven?

I'm sooo confused!

[Frustratedlady]

34. Maybe They Need The 90% Contributions

to replenish their supply of Kool-Aid?

I'd love to know how much they raise in these fundraisers. I can almost bet that even the 10% would come to more than any of us would ever see in a lifetime. These people put common crooks to shame by the amount of booty they raise in their schemes.

[Javaman]

31. I wouldn't worry, traffic was the same as always today. lol n/t

[Olney Blue]

40. It's a good thing God waited until we invented e-mail.

Hey, does this mean that we will have all blue states now?!!!!

[3days]

41. *

[rateyes]

42. Quick, everybody!

Go find a Christian's Mercedes!

[rateyes]

43. Hey, I just added a name to the list...

and this was my response from them:

http://www.raptureletters.com/cgi-bin/letterdb/letter.cgi

In the spot where it says: The following was added Authorization required, this is the information I sent them.

Send letter from: John Doe
Send letter to: Jane Doe
e-mail address: [e-mail]

I love how the first thing that happens after you add a name is a request for a donation! Wonder how much money this dweeb has made off this little scam?

[3days]

44. I feel so much better

UPDATE #2:

The following has been added to the database:


Thank you for your Letter Request.

Your Name: A concerned American
Recipients Name: George Bush
Recipients Email: [e-mail]

Thank you and God Bless You!

[Chalco]

45. Hey I got through. Here's what they said:

I filled out their form with my screen name and then gave them a phoney email address for my husband. Then, this is what happened after I submitted my "name." I guess I'm in!

The following has been added to the database:
Thank you for your Letter Request.
Your Name: Chalco
Recipients Name: Ron
Recipients Email: [e-mail]



We do accept love offerings for this ministry.
Without them we would not have been able to create the program, maintain the database or this web site. Ninety percent of all love offerings go to maintaining this program, the database, this web site and other Christian ministries. We can acept gifts in the form of checks, or via PayPal

This is a personal ministry, if you
have any questions or comments please address them to: [e-mail]

Thank you and God Bless You!

[karlrschneider]

47. Do we dare hope?

:evilgrin:

[boobooday]

51. Did we miss it?

Sorry, gotta go, there must be some abandoned Lincoln Continentals on the local highway that need adoption . . .

[salin]

52. too bad these folks didn't catch on that the rapture stuff isn't biblical

fiction created in the mid nineteenth century, and revived at a mass media scale in the past decade as a vehicle for making some folks a whole heck of a lot of $$$$$$$$. Too bad that the subscribers missed the part in the New Testament which demonstrated the one time that Jesus got very angry... at the money changers in the temple... those exploiting what should be reverant ground in order to make $$$$. Anyone else see the irony?

[Maestro]

53. That's funny, but just go here instead

www.raptureready.com