Who's to blame for Pastor Haggard's fall from grace? His fat, lazy wife

[CatWoman]

Colorado Springs' New Life Church just announced that it has fired Pastor Ted Haggard for his "sexually immoral conduct." The much publicized meth and gay hooker scandal has elicited a little bit of soul searching and a lot hemming and hawing from Haggard's fellow Evangelical leaders, but perhaps the most ridiculous response came yesterday from Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle's Mars Hills mega-church-wannabe.
Writing in his personal blog, Driscoll offers his fellow pastors "some practical suggestions" on how to avoid the type of temptation that consumed Pastor Haggard. And near the top of his list?

"Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors' wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband's sin, but she may not be helping him either."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-goldstein/whos-to-blame-for-pastor_b_33279.html

[Divine Discontent]

1. you just HAD to draw me back into signing in for this one!

I had to comment, it's just too good not to!

yeah, so he's saying because the ladies aren't keeping themselves fit, they're gonna have to go out and find hot male booty to fill their places if they don't keep their boobs from getting saggy and fat?

THE CRAP THESE IDIOTS ESPOUSE IS AMAZING! Sounds like that pastor is a member of the Godmen! (search DU threads if you haven't heard of 'em, trust me, it's painful!)

[Phredicles]

2. I sure feel sorry for that guy's wife.

The more so since I'm starting to wonder if ALL holy homophobes are secretly getting their back doors widened...

[DRoseDARs]

7. Well, Pastor Driscoll did say he'd lean over the plate and take one for the team...

Quite the unfortunate Freudian slip there, methinks. :shrug:

[Justitia]

22. No kidding! Glad someone else noticed it - LOL. -eom

[Vinca]

36. ROFLMAO!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Phredicles]

41. Just begs the question of which team he's playing on...

:P :evilgrin: :P

[jobycom]

3. You learn something new every day.

Even when you wish you hadn't. I'm going to take a shower in acid, now.

[okieinpain]

4. now that's really funny stuff, I guess I'll go out and get the pastor's

wife a tube of astro glide......

[southerncrone]

5. Looked to me like wifey could have done waaaaay better than

Haggard. She didn't seem to fit the "let herself go, fat & lazy" image Driscoll implied.
Maybe the pastors he knows don't have satisfying, free sexual convsations & "liberties" (whatever that may mean?) w/their wives is because they constantly preach how BAD sex is! Give me a break! Hypocrites, all of them!
It's always the woman's fault...ever since that apple.

[Missy Vixen]

23. Let's see if I can phrase this in such a way

that the thread will stay open...

>Maybe the pastors he knows don't have satisfying, free sexual convsations & "liberties" (whatever that may mean?) w/their wives is because they constantly preach how BAD sex is!<

Amen, and amen. I can't even imagine how awful it must be to have sex with a man who spends a large majority of his time telling others that their sexual urges and thoughts are sinful. It would seem to me that any relations at all with that person would be less than stellar. The wives in question were most likely chaste (or as close as humanly possible) before their wedding night, because these guys aren't marrying women with any kind of past. Blaming their wives for an unsatisfactory sex life is a cop out and frankly, laughable.

I'd also like to mention (again,) that I am a former fundy. The church I went to from 15 till my late 20's had two different pastor's wives manifest significant mental health difficulties during their ministries. These women are essentially widows to the church. Their husbands are so busy taking care of the flock (and demanding that their wives present nothing but perfection to the congregation, as well as living in a fishbowl,) that they have no home life.

I actually feel pity for Mrs. Haggard. She chose to live this life, but I can't imagine how she is explaining this to her children right now.

Julie

[Bucky]

6. HA! That's a good one.

Fat women turn men gay! That explains so many of the friendships between weighty gals and not-quite-out guys we saw in high school. But apparently I had the cause and effect all wrong. Put down those Cheetohs, Wanda! Do you want you husband to burn in hell?

[CatWoman]

10. ROFL!!!

:rofl:

I wonder how many I have turned?

:rofl:

[bleever]

16. I rebuke thee!!

:rofl:

[Nay]

39. Me, too! I've probably sent 10 guys to hell!!

[bleever]

14. "Fat women turn men gay!"

"It's in the Bible! Song of Songs!"

How did I get confirmed without knowing this??

[neebob]

24. Yeah

It can't be that they get fat because they're unhappily married and develop a relationship with food. Who wouldn't want to keep herself up for the possibility of infrequent, bad sex?

[Binka]

32. POST Of The DAY!

I've been laughing for five minutes! :loveya:

[neebob]

8. Uh-huh, and how does he know

that the other pastors don't have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives? Just wondering.

[NMMNG]

9. Oh, Christ on a cracker

Men do not go seeking sex with men because their wives aren't satisfying them. Men have affairs with other women or female prostitutes if their wives aren't satisfying them.

Men seek sex with men if they are bisexual or homosexual.

[StellaBlue]

11. and just what does this asshole look like? does he please his wife?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Driscoll

[provis99]

12. jeesh, take a look at Driscoll and Haggard

Haggard: name says it all.



Driscoll: round as the Pillsbury doughboy. What a hypocrite.

[Withywindle]

13. Sure. She let herself go.

Of course a good Christian wife should be able to produce the crystal meth and the great big cock whenever hubby wants it, or he'll look elsewhere for it! Can't help it! A man shouldn't be deprived of his needs!

[pnorman]

15. It's that damn MISSIONARY POSITION stuff, that turn "real" Men off!

I Miss Monica!

[eleny]

17. There's going to be a run on "strap-ons" in Fundyland

[PerfectSage]

18. It's not the wife's fault? I don't think soooooooooooooo

My gaydar for Haggard was 50%/50%, my sister was 100%
We're Canadian so we were looking at Haggard on CNN for the first time today.

[madrchsod]

19. fat wife? nahhh he could care less-he likes this

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/11/04/haggards-muscle-stud-_n_33281.html



http://www.bodyworkformen.com/frame.php?RET=%2Fchapter.php%3FCategoryID%3D6%26Country%3DUnited%2BStates%26StateProv%3DColorado%26City%3DDenver&LinkID=906

[cornermouse]

20. Everything I've seen about the life of a pastor's wife would

indicate that between preparing for Sunday and midweek services and all the various organizations that are sponsored by the church, visiting the sick, weddings, funerals, baptisms, dressing up continually for all the public occasions and a bunch of other duties that I'm sure I haven't even thought about in addition to the regular running household and kids, a pastor's wife is probably exhausted most of the time. I don't think fat and lazy is an option.

[Lexingtonian]

21. wow- I'm impressed

It's hard to get a grip on how deeply daft and silly the conservatives and fundies are about sex.

Yes, this idiot Driscoll is a chauvinist and twit.

OTOH, I do know of fundie women who cut their husbands off from, uh, relations...because it bores them, it annoys them, and they consider it dirty and and a waste of time. A pregnant woman in my elderly mom's Bible Study group told the group she was cutting off her husband after the child was born (her second) because sex was, well, dirty and violated her space. But she wanted to stay married. They told her she was being a moron, of course.

So I dunno. Maybe a lot of these male fundies watch videos and then set out to do stuff in bed their wives don't like, and when Wife balks they need a male prostitute who does these things with professional ability. Or maybe the problem is that in an typical fundie marriage you have two repressed dumbbells who can get the breeding mechanics down and not much else. (Not that these options are mutually exclusive.)

As for Mr. Driscoll's lewdish misinterpretation of the Song of Songs, it seems rather unwise of his parishioners to trust him with Biblical exegesis at all.

[Nostradammit]

25. More wisdom from Mark Driscoll

Marvel at these pearls:

Quotations

* I study the Bible all week, pray to the Lord, and then I speak from my heart. It's all about brutal honesty. <1>

* After church tonight you will go home and you will eat chicken, not human, because of the spread of Christianity... go to a country where there hasn’t been the spread of Christianity and they’re having human for dinner.<2>

* I'm theologically conservative and culturally liberal. <3>

* God hates you... You have been told that God is loving, gracious, merciful, kind, compassionate, wonderful, and good sky fairy who runs a day care in the sky and has a bucket of suckers for everyone because we're all good people. That is a lie... God looks down and says 'I hate you, you are my enemy, and I will crush you,' and we say that is deserved, right and just, and then God says 'Because of Jesus I will love you and forgive you.' This is a miracle. <4>

* The Emerging Church movement is a bunch of disgruntled liberal evangelicals who gather together to complain about the megachurches of their parents.<5>

* A pacifist has a lot of difficulty reconciling pacifism with scripture.<6>

* For the record, I do believe men and women were both made equal as God’s image-bearers and, though different, maintain equality. <7>

* I am a theological misfit and have learned to be okay with that. We are missional, which offends fundamentalists. We hold to the fundamentals, which offends liberals. We are theologically charismatic, but not shake and bake holy rollers, which puts us in the middle of a big debate to be shot by both sides. We are reformed, but not old school, and don't baptize babies, don't hold to the regulative principle, and won't die on the hill of Limited Atonement, but hold a more unlimited/limited position, which upsets both sides of the debate. In the end, I hold to a high view of inerrant Scripture and am trying to be biblical, even when it makes a mess of my systematics. <8>

* ..the truths of Christianity are constant, unchanging, and meant for all people, times, and places. But the methods by which truth is articulated and practiced must be culturally appropriated, and therefore constantly translated (1 Cor. 9:22-23)...if doctrine is constant and practice is constantly changing, the result is living orthodoxy. <9>

* Its hard to worship a man you can beat up <10>

* But people don't like hell!! They're not supposed to! <11>


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Driscoll


Wait - it gets better:

http://www.evangelicalright.com/2006/10/mark_driscoll_meek_mild_as_if_1.html



It's no coincidence that the shirt Driscoll used to illustrate his post contains the phrase "Meek. Mild. As If." That's because Driscoll believes that "Jesus is a God who hates." Jesus was no "limp-wristed hippie" who came to earth "wearing a robe like some fairy" says Driscoll.




Driscoll looks a bit fat himself, I'd say. His poor wife.

[provis99]

26. Driscoll reminds me of Billy Sunday

old time preacher from 100 years ago. Sunday used to actually brag that he was uneducated (he hated educated ministers), that Jesus was no wimp but a hellraiser, and everyone was going to hell because they were rotten. Seems like fundamentalist idiots haven't evolved at all (oops, I said evolution).

[symbolman]

27. Guess it's DILDOES FOR EVERYONE TIME!!

This fat ass probably hasn't seen his dick in 15 years, and neither has his wife, and I don't blame her, if she fell in love with him it would be a vicious triangle he's so much in love with HIMSELF.

Gee Driscoll, allow me to BLOW your MIND instead.. if Jesus was to appear before you, he'd look VERY MUCH LIKE OSAMA BIN LADEN, asshole.

Yeah, he wasn't no limpwristed Hippie, but he was most probably nearly as black as the ace of spades.. and you know what they say about a man who has LONG NAILS in his wrists and how they compare to, you know.. :)

I'd like to meet this fat little bird fart in a dark alley. He'd have some fucking RELIGION when I got through with him. And he'd be on his knees.

Go Preach to the Troops in Bagdad tough guy.

Go "lean over the plate" THERE.

[Nostradammit]

28. Yeah, Let's you and him fight!

:toast:

[symbolman]

30. Be my pleasure

I'm a little slower at 53, but I still know when a sucker punch is most effective.

All you do is start SLAMMING women for the stupid, vile creatures that they are to sucker him in, and then POUNCE.

Maybe I could get him to "Lean across his plate" and then nail him to a cross when he leasts expects it, then when he'd crying, I can say, "hey dude, that Hippie Jesus didn't cry like a baby, or argue over the length of the SPIKES they drove into his wrists.. what a Sissy.."

Enough for you? I don't want to get too graphic. :)

Seriously, in my younger days I had pieces of guys like this floating in my toilet bowl. Must have been the 'Nam Training gone awry.

[smirkymonkey]

42. "I'm theologically conservative and culturally liberal."

Translation: "I'm gayer than New Year's Eve."

[malaise]

29. More likely this fugger

hates women but kept up the charade to con the sheeple.

[Irreverend IX]

31. I think this has been posted, like, three times now... nt

[sweetpotato]

33. 5 kids - he helped her lose her figure

I've never had children and I've struggled with my weight.

When my gay ex husband finally decided to come out and leave me, I was a size 4 and in great shape. If a man is interested in having sex with another man, there is nothing a woman can do about it.

I've been there, I tried.

[KharmaTrain]

34. They Walk One Step Behind Their Man...

OK, that's not fundie women, that's what orthodox Jewish women are supposed to do, but there are plenty of similarities with these religions and I'll throw Islam in there as well. Women are chattle, property...objects rather than people. Even in this "enlightened age", the woman's place is at the service of the man in a wierd S&M arrangement. To me it looks like a miserable relationship for both.

The sexual repression of many Americans is one of the biggest health problems around. Instead of embracing this most natural of needs, it's fought, bought, controlled and manipulated. Women are conditioned from birth with "good girls don't", that can be very helpful against the raging hormones of a 17 year old, but becomes an anchor later when they get married. Men are conditioned to be "macho"...the king of the forest and females are to be subserviant to all needs from laundry to "doing the dirty". I saw a lot of this in my parent's generation, but also have in my own.

One of the greatest fears of the fundie movement was the rising woman's movement. The blissful world of victorian or weslyan American were shattered as women asserted themselves and the religious establishement reacted by resisting the change. Women like Mrs. Haggard are victims in many ways as they have to be the antithesis of the professional, independent woman.

It was sad to see her looking passive as her hubby admits seeing a man for a "massage" and then purchasing a controlled substance. This lately surely knew her world was crumbling around her and Haggard didn't have the decency to conduct this interview outside the car (btw, his children were in the car as well).

I feel for the family, but I have no compassion for the hypocrisy. I firmly believe his wife didn't know about his other life and probably was more shocked and numbed than anything to her his admission. When I read that this asshat thought that soup kitchens and other outreach programs toward the poor was a waste of resources, any sense of compassion on my end went out the window.

What still spins my head is how all the focus is on the "improper sexual relations" and so little has been paid to his buying a controlled substance...a federal felony...purchasing one of the most dangerous drugs out there (in addition to funding Mexican gangs). His drug abuse was far more dangerous than any "massage".

Cheers...

[ima_sinnic]

35. hey, that can work both ways you ignorant slob

men who "let themselves go" with a hairy belly hanging over their dick after too many rounds glued to the tube with 6-packs, pizza, and ring-dings may come to find out their wives are, er, "looking elsewhere."

[Gin]

38. Haggard's new defense is ..............My fat wife made me do it!

g

[lectrobyte]

37. Ted Haggard Once Called Clinton a "Sex Addict." Karma's a

bitch, and she's back in heat.

[porphyrian]

40. So his wife has a penis...?

What explains the part about him craving male sexual attention or doing crank?

[Totally Committed]

43. Here's a few pics of the "fat", "lazy" wife:

Yeah, it's all HER fault.... NOT.

TC