I feel like a jerk.

[NC_Nurse]

I met a woman that I've known for a few years who is going to rent a house from me with her new husband.
Long story short, as we were talking about some things they wanted me to do to the place before they move in,
I got the impression that her husband was being antagonistic toward me. His affect seemed strange, and I got weirded
and was thinking he was an asshole after they left.

I decided to try to overlook it and work out the lease anyway if possible. I emailed him and expressed my feeling that
he was unhappy with me. He just got back to me today and HE HAS ASPERGER'S SYNDROME. DUH. It never occurred to me,
even though my son has it and I should have picked up on it. He said he has trouble picking up on other's emotional cues, etc.
and that people often think he is mad at them when he isn't. Now I feel terrible.

It makes me sad to think that my son will have to deal with stupid people like me his whole life.


:cry:

[elleng]

1. Please don't feel terrible, NC,

proves you're HUMAN!

My Dad's been proving that he's human to me this week, and I'd be happy to live without it! He's 'angry' at my mother 'cause she's suffering from lack of mobility, along with 'profound' hearing loss and 'mild' dementia. So I sometimes feel like a jerk for getting mad at him for getting angry!

[NC_Nurse]

2. Thank you. My mom's dementia is getting really bad too. In fact, we're

going down to Atlanta this weekend to stay with her while my dad goes to his 55th HS reunion. He needs
a break so badly. I'm furiously trying to get our home here ready for market before we leave. It's start showing on Friday.
We're selling so that we can move to Atlanta and help out. I guess I'm a little stressed out.
I'm so glad that I at least wasn't rude and kept my misgivings about this man to myself. I guess that makes me less of a jerk...
Thanks for your support. I needed it. :hi:

[elleng]

3. Yr welcome, NC_.

Just checked my horoscope for today, and its SO accurate! I expect you'll be similarly situated! So keep in touch!

"Have you ever tried to herd cats? If you need to organize any groups today, you might get a sinking feeling that you've been given an impossible task. Everyone has different ideas about what the right options are, and trying to formulate a compromise either won't be possible or won't be helpful. So you've got to be ready to be the bad guy today -- put your foot down when the time comes, and don't be afraid to throw your authority around. You are in charge for a reason!"

[TrogL]

7. I do herd cats

They're not allowed upstairs after everybody goes to bed 'cause they knock on doors and cause other havoc. Every night we collect them up and throw them downstairs. On rare occasions they actually get the hint and proceed in a relatively orderly fashion (ignoring the hissing and growling) downstairs on their own.

[Kajsa]

4. Ditto on what elleng said.

You didn't know he had Asperger's, so give yourself
a break. Sometimes it is difficult to know whether a person
has Asperger's/autism.

Sometimes it's hard for me to know when my son's autism is
kicking into full gear OR he's just being ornery OR both.

You are not stupid!

Please forgive yourself for making a mistake,OK?

:hug:

[SheilaT]

9. Really, don't beat yourself up too much.

I was once waiting on a customer and was feeling very impatient because he didn't speak very clearly, and only after the transaction was completed did I realize he was a deaf person who spoke. And spoke quite well, considering how hard it would have been for him to learn. Had I tuned in to the deaf "accent" in the first place, I wouldn't have had any problem, such as when I figure out that someone has a French or Spanish or any other accent whatsoever, including a regional accent in English.

[liberalhistorian]

5. Don't feel bad, you

reacted the way almost everybody would have, even a lot of trained professionals. My teenage son is an Aspie and my husband has what we believe is a mild form of AS, and I still have some trouble at times picking up on it in other adults. At least you acknowledged the issue when you were told and are willing to look at yourself and feel bad about it (even though you shouldn't); too many others in this society refuse to do the same, even when told the problem.

I think one of the major problems in recognizing AS in adults is that we are much more prone to understand children and teenagers with AS or any similar issue, but not so in adults. For some reason, people just assume adults are free of those conditions, that they magically just disappear once people reach adulthood. That is far from the case, of course, it just manifests itself differently as we move into adult situations, the world of work and family, etc., and is, thus, more difficult to recognize right away or to even understand. I've warned my son about this, and my fifty-something hubby is more than aware of it. It pisses me off to no end that they're at the mercy of too many ignorant people, but that's just the way it is, unfortunately.

I, myself, have a learning disability that has given me a lot of trouble in adulthood and that people think automatically just went away upon reaching adulthood, which is absolute bullshit. I sure wish that were the case, but the human brain doesn't work that way.

[Deep13]

6. Usually, I end up feeling like a jerk...

...when I do or say something that I don't realize is offensive.

[lumberjack_jeff]

8. Don't feel bad, it's all a part of communication.

No one can be expected to "just know" what makes another person tick.

[Deja Q]

10. Don't. Miscommunication is inevitable.

Being an Aspie myself, I have more to feel like a jerk about... amongst other things.