Wanted: Personal Trainer Needed Immediately. Apply to H. Reid, c/o US Senate

[Stinky The Clown]

Wanted, a strong personality able to teach actual toughness to a former boxer who has since turned chicken. Past experience as a strong arm specialist and enforcer a big plus. If this quote makes you wet, you're our person: "Look here, motherfucker, you vote this way or I will make you bite off your own thumb, chew it, and swallow it. Got that, shitbird?"

Pay commensurate with experience.

(And please promise not to hit me if I don't hire you? Please?)