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Edited on Wed Sep-09-09 05:05 PM by ginnyinWI
I do believe that's true. And if they don't address their problems and dysfunctional behavior but just smooth it all over with ideas of forgiveness and trying to be "good" in the future, they pass it on to their kids. Not a good situation. Everyone trying to act one way on the outside and being a whole different way behind closed doors.
One woman I knew came from a very strict fundamentalist background (small-town Iowa). She married a guy who came to religion later and though he was sincere, he was raised differently and they clashed on a lot of issues like child-raising. "My parents always did it this way..." was what she often said. After about 20 years the marriage cracked up in a very nasty divorce. She refused to take any responsibility for any problems and blamed him for everything. She was right, after all, so why should she apologize or change in any way whatsoever? Rigid and unable to admit to any failure. It's been about 15 years and she's still single.
Why are these people like this? Why must they cling so fiercely to the illusion that they are blameless? From childhood up, they learn to blame other people and other reasons for everything, because they must be, they need to think of themselves as "good". It's the opposite of the example Jesus set for us--to be tolerant and forgive others because we know we are also imperfect and make mistakes.
edited to add: To show how extreme this thinking goes, she even once blamed the cat for getting locked in a shed while they went camping for several days. Poor thing was okay but very hungry and thirsty when they got back. "Well he shouldn't have gone in there!", was all she said, not "oh we should have checked to see where he was before we left." That would have been impossible--to admit even a small mistake.
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