Hi my wonderful friends -- and thank you!

[gateley]

I've just now screwed up the courage to read your responses from my last post. It's hard to describe, but I get so moved by your outpouring of support and offers of help it somehow scares me. Really, can't explain it.

So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. :grouphug:

I've been practicing my denial by reading/posting 'out there' in a futile attempt to pretend as though everything is okay. Hasn't worked.

Sooo, after some soul searching and coming up with absolutely no other solutions, I accept your offers to help. WITH THE PROVISO AND ASSURANCE, that I vow to pay everyone back the moment I'm able. I know times are really scary for everybody right now, so this isn't easy for anyone, and that makes your help so much more meaningful.

At this point, I primarily need cash to pay my electric/water bill (which is due to be shut off tomorrow - nothing like waiting until the last minute, gateley), and get some boxes, etc. And Corona's offer to use her UPS account is a lifesaver, too.

So please PM me and we can work some stuff out.

And for those who can't spare some $$$ now, please know that your help and support is every bit as much deeply appreciated and touching. I know you would if you could, and nobody knows better than I what it means to be in a precarious financial situation.

As it stands now, I just want to get everything ready to go/ship, pack my suitcase and grab Nero then hop on a plane to Seattle. I just want to say that the generosity of my brother and sister-in-law has affected me deeply, too. They're not rolling in the money by any means, just put their youngest in college, and I honestly am surprised that my sister-in-law feels so strongly that she wants me 'home'.

This has been the most humbling, reality-check occurrence I could ever have imagined. Joe called it when he said it's not just the loss of a job, money, it's self-worth. Self-esteem. In a nightmare like this, you lose both, and begin questioning your worth as a human being. Isn't that horrible? I SO pray none of you has to go through this, and if you do, that then I'll be in a position to help you out and give you the support you've given me.

I'm going to go cry for a minute, then GET up, and put one step in front of the other. The world's longest journey...

Thank you for making it safe for me to ask for help.

I love you all. :grouphug:

[PatSeg]

1. I understand what you're saying

It scares me as well. I guess an outpouring of compassion opens up deep pockets of emotion that overwhelm me and I don't often know how to handle it.

Yes, Joe was right about job loss and how it affects one's self-worth. There were two times that I unexpectedly lost a job and the depression lasted a long time. It is difficult to "pick up the pieces" and move ahead in that mindset.

I had been thinking before all this, that it would great if Gateley could just go back to Seattle where she would be more at home. I know it won't be easy, but I'm sure it will be better in the long run. Everyone needs an accessible support system.

I'm trying to type this while playing with my son's puppy that I'm babysitting for and its not too easy. She is very determined! I'm going to have to give up for now.

[gateley]

6. it has paralyzed me and made me so fearful -- and as you say, difficult to

know how to handle it.

I know that going to Seattle will be a big help in beginning to pick up the pieces. I'll still feel like a failure but I know that it will begin to turn around -- it's all a process.

That puppy doesn't look as though she even knows how to sit still! Too cute!

[PatSeg]

15. Yeah, the only way out of that "failure feeling"

is to move through it. As long as you stand still, it will suck you in. Easier said than done though. Once you get away from your current situation, things will look clearer.

The puppy is very active, but she does take nice long naps, thank god.

[Muttocracy]

2. hey you - I've been reliving some of my worst economic times

as I've been going through the last stuff of my move. I've come across old bill statements, rejected loan refinancing applications, the car repair estimate that made me break down in tears in the waiting room... Only a couple of years ago. I'm still digging myself out of the hole, but making progress.

Things will get better, and I'm usually a pessimist! Do you have a timeline for when you're going west, young lady?

[gateley]

7. What awful memories - that feeling of not seeing any light at the end of the

tunnel. I'm so happy that you're still not in that place. And I have faith that I'll eventually dig myself out, too. And you're to be commended, I know how hard you've worked at turning things around.

Now that I've essentially surrendered, there's no reason for me to stay past October 20 - which is the first day of Early Voting in North Carolina (no way would I let this move screw up my chance to vote). The timing might work out perfectly - gives me the time to get ready to go, but not far enough in the future to let me think too much about it and become overwhelmed.

[WheelWalker]

3. When you come to a fork in the path, take it.

Journey with hope, gateley. Blessings.

[gateley]

8. Good advice. The fork is there for a reason -- it's an opportunity.

Thanks, VI. Hope will be my traveling companion.

[ellacott]

4. Thank you for allowing us to help

Blessings to you.

These are uncertain times for many. I have been there and am still just making it. There have been times that have been pretty rough for me also. In those times a way has been made.

I hope things work out for you in Seattle.

sending you a pm. :)

[gateley]

9. It's so difficult to ask for help --

even after you wonderful people volunteered. So thank YOU for helping me learn this lesson in humility and humanity.

In Seattle, I'll feel like I'm HOME. That in itself will help immensely. My heart has always remained there.

I look forward to the day when I will be able to help others, too.

Thank you, ellacott.

[Debi]

5. What would be best for you? Mailing check/money order?

or would it be quicker to pay toward the bill directly (we can do this over the phone/internet can't we?)

Tell me what's best and we'll go from there. :hug:

[gateley]

10. Awww -- whatever would be the easiest for you.

Sending you a PM.

[1corona4u]

11. I PM'd you....

[NCarolinawoman]

12. Gately, I sent you a private message but

when I pressed "send" all I saw was "the user cannot receive a private message yet".

So does that mean you will get my message eventually? The message was kind of long, but most importantly, I need your address as soon as possible.:hug:

[1corona4u]

16. Check your preferences, because mine did that the other night...

and even though I never asked not to recieve pm's, it was somehow checked not to get them. Uncheck it if so, and try again.

[gateley]

17. I sent you a PM -- did you get it? Nothing from you, yet. :-) nt

[elleng]

13. YAAAAAAAY!!!!

(((gateley)))

[1corona4u]

14. If anyone wants to help pay Gateley's elec bill,

I take credit cards, so we can take donations, then I can go online and just pay it with my credit card. Visa, MC, Amex, and Discover accepted. :-)(not through paypal either!)

We'd need a few donations though, and I'd probably not want to take a charge for less than $25.00, since I have to pay fees on it.

Let me know, through PM or whatever if you can donate.

[1corona4u]

18. Just to update;

The electric bill is no longer an issue, for the time being. :-)

[Muttocracy]

20. :)

[NCarolinawoman]

21. :o)

:thumbsup:

Just wanted to let you know that Gateley and I have been in touch. Don't know what happened to my first message--it disappeared into thin air.

Gateley saw my message here and I got her address. I live in the next county over from her, so hopefully (Gateley, if you are reading this--they DO pick up mail on Columbus day!) she will receive an envelope tomorrow which will help with things.

My gosh, even catfood has gotten expensive! Not to mention human food!
:wow:

[CrispyQ]

19. Gateley,

Did you get my PM from this morning? I've been blissfully off the net for the past 3 days, but logged on this morning.

Back in the 80's during the S&L crisis, my husband & I walked away from a beautiful house with nothing but our possessions & a menagerie of animals. The animals, of course, made it difficult to find another place to live, but they were all part of our family & we didn't once think of giving them up. It was a very stressful & trying time & I had some very dark days, but we persevered & managed to turn things around. It wasn't easy & it didn't happen quickly. We juggled money for many years, each payday deciding between paying this bill or that. It took about six years before we got fully back on our feet. There were some valuable lessons learned during that time, which I attribute to our being in a much better position during this current crisis.

The day our old fridge went on the blink I cried because we didn't have any money to buy a new one & zero credit. Fortunately, a local store owner gave us the benefit of the doubt & sold us a new fridge on credit, in spite of our credit report. And there were others, besides the fridge man, who took a chance on us during that time. I remember those people with such gratitude - that they saw our desperation & instead of turning their backs on us, they took a chance on us. That is what community is about. That is what compassion is about.

I am not religious, but I fully believe in that saying, "There but for the grace of god, go I." I truly believe that many in this country are sick & tired of the mean-spirited nasty 'your-on-your-own' attitude. That is not the attitude that made this country great. What made us great is our 'we're-in-this-together' attitude.

Gateley, this will not be an easy road to travel, but you are not alone. You have friends & family who care deeply for you. You also have the will & desire to make changes to get back on track. I have no doubt you will land on your feet!

Take care.

[gateley]

26. Hi -- just answered you this morning. My WiFi connection disappeared last

night for some reason, so didn't get a chance to do all I wanted to.

I so appreciate your sharing the story, and your understanding and concern. It's just wrong that money, or lack of, can make our lives so miserable and affect our peace of mind, health, etc. That lump in your stomach all the time.

But things do tend to work out (it's the journey GETTING there that is so frightening). Like the owner of the appliance store taking a chance on you, like all of my DU friends riding to the rescue. Like my brother and his wife encouraging me to go live with them.

And I agree, there but for the grace... I know I for one never thought I'd actually be destitute. And there are millions of others I'm sure.

Thank you for the encouragement and support.

You have all helped tremendously. :hug:

[susanwy]

22. I pm'd you as well, but no response.

Anyway, I'm glad you've made those difficult decisions. Sometimes sitting on the fence is so stressful. A couple of years ago my husband lost his job, via a very vindictive manager. I don't think he has totally recovered from the humiliation of it all, we took it to arbitration, but lost (vindictive manager had friends in high places). We lost his benefits and I had to add the family to mine, very expensive. He now has a job with few benefits, no raises and $2 p/h less than he was making. We decided to take a chance and tap into our Roth IRA (not very big at this point) and send him to truck driving school. I'm very apprehensive, given the economy. I've been fortunate enough to have raises that finally balanced out the benefits, but in this economy, things are tightening again, plus my oldest goes to collage next year. I had plans to try and send him to England for a month as a graduation present, but that is not going to happen now, plus he will have to go to our State university, no choice really now. You add illness on top of any of this, and it is a double whammy. I know, I've battled auto-immune stuff for 10 years now. Still, we are fortunate and lucky that we are all still here!

Sorry for the stream of consciousness, just in a bummer mood today. Please let me know if I can help in anyway!

Ohhh, joe on hardball.....

:hug:

[livvy]

23. Livvy reporting for duty...

late to the party as usual, but I used to always be the last one to leave, too! Yeah, one of those annoying guests...LOL

So what still needs to be done here? I'll drop you a PM, but if you don't get it, get in touch with me.

:pals:

[gateley]

27. Hi! Got your PM and responded -- Thanks!

:pals:

[Jennicut]

24. Glad to see that Gateley's electric bill is being paid

Hang in there Gateley. I have not been on this board long but this is a great group of people. If I was working I would try to chip in too. I am a stay at home Mom right now but when I was working I lost a few jobs through layoffs and it really killed my self esteem. Joe said it best "Get up". When life gets us down we just have to get up.

[CrispyQ]

25. One of my favorite quotes:

"If you're going through hell, keep going!" ~Winston Churchill

[gateley]

29. Wow. That is perfect.

We -- well, I -- usually stop right in the middle and keep looking around me and going why? how?

Keep going! Love it!

[PatSeg]

32. Me too!

"Get up" is a great slogan, but in practice, it doesn't work for me. I'm kind of slow and can't get moving until I get my bearings. That can be good sometimes though, as moving too suddenly, without thinking has gotten me in a lot of trouble.

[gateley]

33. "Get Up!" Gets my blood rushing, but it really doesn't get me up literally.

[PatSeg]

34. It makes for a nice campaign slogan

but it doesn't really do anything for me. Not one of my favorites from Joe. Such phrases can often project insensitivity to someone who is very wounded. Reminds of something my mother would have said and she wasn't a very compassionate person.

[gateley]

35. Ha! Reminds me of once when my mom compassionately listened to my

woes about a guy I was in love with, and at the end said "well, snap out of it!"

My friend said it was better than HER mother who would have said "sink or swim!"

[PatSeg]

36. That makes me feel better

I guess it's a generational thing! Many friends I've had were told, "You made your bed....." even though they were being emotionally and/or physically abused by their husbands. That "greatest generation" could be cold as ice.

[gateley]

28. Thanks so much for your support, Jennicut -

and as you can see, this Is a great group of people! When Corona paid that bill, I felt as if a two ton weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was so afraid of how I was going to survive with no electricity AND no water! And all the others who you see here who are giving from their hearts and 'being' here for me (like you!). I can't tell you what a difference it makes and how it's helped change my predominant feeling from fear to hope.

:grouphug:

And you're right, and Joe mentioned it, too -- it's the self- esteem. If I could have gotten a job doing ANYTHING, that would have helped and I wouldn't have plunged into the depths of despair that I did.

With the help of you all - and I mean this seriously -- I KNOW I can get up!

[AspenRose]

30. Sorry I am late here

I did get your PMs - let me know if there is anything else I can do to help :hi:

[gateley]

31. ...

:pals: