Herman Cain Says Liberals Killed Jesus

[ProSense]

Herman Cain Says Liberals Killed Jesus

by bernardpliers

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Anyway, here's one of Herman's columns where he calls Jesus the "perfect conservative" who was killed by "liberals," and apparently the modern liberal anti-Christian bias that Cain perceives is just part of a two thousand year program of hatred of conservatives by the Christ-killing liberals.

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(Jesus) helped the poor without one government program......He healed the sick without a government health care system. .....He was unemployed, and never collected an unemployment check.

I think there was some nepotism there, what with Jesus' dad being God and all. OK, fine, so Jesus was a wingnut who not want us to help others. Got it.

And as MrBigDaddy points out in the comments, Jesus did all that for free. Who is this "God" who interferes with letting the free market set prices? The first rule of the free market is that nothing in the market is free!

<...>

And then we get this pearl of wisdom

The liberal court found Him guilty of false offenses and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of 12.....Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative.......For over 2,000 years the world has tried hard to erase the memory of the perfect conservative, and His principles of compassion, caring and common sense.

more

One has to wonder if he actually believes this crap. If so, he's the perfect lunatic for the RW lunatics he's courting.

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[MichiganVote]

1. And the guy was crucified for walking on water...just sayin'

[Fuddnik]

30. He should have gotten a permit for his little march across the water.

However, crucifixion is a bit severe.

They should have at least given him a few warning zaps with a Taser.

[MichiganVote]

31. Cuz' he chased the money lenders out of the temple. Touchy people the financiers.

[theoldman]

2. Jesus was a Liberal and pissed off the Conservative Jews.

Jesus said that it was OK to work on the Sabbath. He associated with poor people and prostitutes. Jesus also was a Communist in that he shared equally with his disciples. Paul tended to be a Conservative in his views against homosexuals.

[SharonAnn]

33. Right. The conservative Romans and the conservative Jewish Sanhedrin

killed Jesus.

Jesus and his followers were flaming liberals.

America's Founding Fathers were flaming liberals. The Oposition, the Royalists, were the conservatives.

[LAGC]

3. Ah, trying to steal the fundie vote from Perry I see.

It seems to be working, if polls are any indication...

[Kennah]

4. Before Jesus can be called the perfect conservative, I need to see his jobs outsourcing record.

[RC]

7. Or his bank statements.

[asjr]

5. All this time I thought it was the Romans

who did the deed.

[pnwmom]

6. Nope. He was a pro-tax liberal. "Render unto Cesar that which is Cesar's."

And should you accumulate money? Nope. According to Jesus, you should live like the lilies in the field.

Cain's reading skills are clearly very low.

[ThoughtCriminal]

8. Who needs universal health care?

When you can just have Jesus make house calls?

If he did, I'm pretty sure the the healthcare lobby could get crucifixions legalized to deal with it.

[Kennah]

9. Can you imagine the hard-on Rick Perry would get if Texas executed via crucifixion?

[ProSense]

10. Krugman on Cain's 999 plan

here.

[PETRUS]

11. One could make a better argument that Jesus was a communist.

He was certainly an agitator.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

16. Bingo

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. 33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all 34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales 35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need."

Here's a good read on the topic:

http://www.politicalaffairs.net/frederick-engels-and-early-christianity/

[unblock]

12. why don't conservative insist on seeing jesus's birth certificate?

:shrug:

[FrenchieCat]

13. Hey Cain.....you aren't able......

[TheKentuckian]

21. That is about awesome as awesome can be, Frenchie.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

14. Res Ipsa Loquitur

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had."

[Supersedeas]

46. it wouldn't be like a RW opportunist wants to take Jesus out of the Bible or anything

[lunatica]

15. Pontius Pilate - that rat Liberal!

[OwnedByFerrets]

17. This shit makes me very angry.

[Hosnon]

18. Seriously? Healing the sick without government assistance is easy if

YOU'RE GOD.

Jeez.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

19. He Also Raised The Dead

.

[treestar]

20. I thought Jesus was a carpenter

Who says he was unemployed? :rofl:

Cain is really a strange dude.

[nichomachus]

22. Cain doesn't know his bible

In the biblical narrative, Jesus was heaily subsidized by wealthy women -- Martha and Mary -- which is as close as there was to government programs in those days. Also, if Cain an come up with people who can heal the sick miraculously, then I'll stop fighting for single-payer health care.

[boxman15]

23. This kind of stuff makes my blood boil.

How ridiculously arrogant, idiotic, and pathetic on Cain's part. The right is truly starting to scare me.

[MilesColtrane]

24. Sell everything you have and give the money to the poor

I've never seen a conservative advocate that.

[mainer]

25. What about that camel and the needle's eye?

“I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:23-24

[Mimosa]

26. OMG.

ProSense, I hope you don't get mad if I 'borrow' your OP. The power of Christ compels me!! :7 Exposing this ignorant charlatan is a sacred mission from GOD! Surely you understand....

And if you don't, I shall weep. ;)

[Rosa Luxemburg]

27. too good to be true

[totodeinhere]

28. Yes, Cain is a certified nut case. And that makes it all the more incredible that he is within

the margin of error against Obama in some recent polls. Of course polls this early don't mean much.

[Arkana]

29. Nah, Herman--he just ate some of your pizza and puked up his intestines.

[Presidentcokedupfratboy]

32. Something Fundie Christians can't wrap their heads around

Jesus was a Liberal.

[JoeyT]

34. Ah Republican primary season.

A grand competition to come up with the dumbest statement ever uttered, and they're all imminently qualified this time around.

Between Perry, Bachmann, and Cain, this year we may actually find out if it's possible to say something so mind bogglingly stupid that just hearing it is fatal.

[47of74]

43. Yep, trying to out brownshirt each other.

[tanyev]

35. OK Herman, you produce someone who has magical powers to heal people, create food out of nothing,

and will use these powers for free, I will consider voting for you in the Republican primary.

[Jack Rabbit]

36. Go away and come back when you can talk sense, Herman

Pontius Pilate, appointed governor by the Roman Emperor, was a liberal? Pharisees concerned about a street preacher being a threat to their authority were liberals?

[madamesilverspurs]

37. Cain takes to soaring new heights

the concept of pride in bassackwardness.

[saras]

38. If we hadn't killed him, you wouldn't have any Christianity, butthead!

Imagine a senile old Jesus getting a thing for young girls who are thinking about going into prostitution. Of course he had to die young.

Yours truly,

Pontius Pilate, governor, and member of good standing of TPTB in that bastion of progressive government, the Roman Empire.

[They_Live]

41. You read my mind.

It's a True Truth. Ain't gonna work without some kind of sacrifice. Even the pagans will understand that. ;)

[Posteritatis]

39. Well, that's a new take on blood libel.. (nt)

[Bake]

40. Holy shit, Herman!! Has this idiot ever even READ the New Testament??

OMFG!!!!

What an utter crock of shit. Of course, I'm sure the "Religious Right" (which in fact is neither religious nor right!) will eat this up and make it their new talking point.

Herman, better get a good asbestos suit. I hear it's hot where you're going.

Bake

[Brickbat]

42. I think Carl Sandburg said it best...

To Billy Sunday

You come along... tearing your shirt... yelling
about Jesus.
I want to know... what the hell... you
know about Jesus.

Jesus had a way of talking softly and everybody
except a few bankers and higher-ups among the
con men of Jerusalem liked to have this Jesus
around because he never made any fake passes
and everything he said went and he helped the
sick and gave the people hope.

You come along squirting words at us, shaking
your fist and calling us damn fools so fierce the
froth of your own spit slobbers over your lips --
always blabbing we're all going to hell straight
off and you know all about it.

I've read Jesus' words. I know what he said. You
don't throw any scare into me. I've got your
number. I know how much you know about
Jesus.

He never came near clean people or dirty people
but they felt cleaner because he came along. It
was your crowd of bankers and business men
and lawyers that hired the sluggers and murderers
who put Jesus out of the running.

I say it was the same bunch that's backing you that
nailed the nails into the hands of this Jesus of
Nazareth. He had lined up against him the
same crooks and strong-arm men now lined up
with you paying your way.

This Jesus guy was good to look at, smelled good,
listened good. He threw out something fresh
and beautiful from the skin of his body and the
touch of his hands wherever he passed along.

You, Billy Sunday, put a smut on every human
blossom that comes within reach of your rotten
breath belching about hell-fire and hiccuping
about this man who lived a clean life in Galilee.

When are you going to quit making the carpenters
build emergency hospitals for women and girls
driven crazy with wrecked nerves from your
goddam gibberish about Jesus -- I put it to you
again: What the hell do you know about Jesus?

Go ahead and bust all the chairs you want to.
Smash a whole wagon load of furniture at every
performance. Turn sixty somersaults and stand
on your nutty head. If it wasn't for the way
you scare women and kids, I'd feel sorry for
you and pass the hat.

I like to wash a good four-flusher work but not
when he starts people to puking and calling for
the doctors.

I like a man that's got guts and can pull off a great
original performance, but you -- hell, you're only
a bughouse peddler of second-hand gospel --
you're only shoving out a phony imitation of
the goods this Jesus guy told us ought to be free
as air and sunlight.

Sometimes I wonder what sort of pups born from
mongrel bitches there are in the world less
heroic than you.

You tell people living in shanties Jesus is going to
fix it up all right with them by giving them
mansions in the skies after they're dead and the
worms have eaten 'em.

You tell $6 a week department store girls all they
need is Jesus; you take a steel trust wop, dead
without having lived, gray and shrunken at
forty years of age, and you tell him to look at
Jesus on the cross and he'll be all right.

You tell poor people they don't need any more
money on pay day and even if it's fierce to be
out of a job, Jesus'll fix that all right, all right --
all they gotta do is take Jesus the way you say.

I'm telling you this Jesus guy wouldn't stand for
the stuff you're handing out. Jesus played it
different. The bankers and corporation lawyers
of Jerusalem got their sluggers and murderers
to go after Jesus just because Jesus wouldn't
play their game. He didn't sit in with the big
thieves.

I don't want a lot of gab from the bunkshooter in
my religion.

I won't take my religion from a man who never
works except with his mouth and never cherishes
a memory except the face of the woman on the
American silver dollar.

I ask you to come through and show me where
you're pouring out the blood of your life.

I've been in this suburb of Jerusalem they call
Golgotha, where they nailed Him, and I know if the
story is straight it was real blood ran from his
hand and the nail-holes, and it was real blood
spurted out where the spear of the Roman
soldier rammed in between the ribs of this Jesus
of Nazareth.

-- Carl Sandburg, 1915

[great white snark]

47. Herman Cain says Carl Sandburg is a heathen.

I think Mr. Sandburg would have taken that as a compliment.

[Major Hogwash]

44. I think Cain is still pissed off that Little Caesar's still sells pizza and he went out of business.

You know, the little guy that comes out and says, "pizza, pizza".

If they were liberals, they were Roman liberals, at any rate, Cain.
Geezus, where did you get your history lessons from, Bachmann University??

[Hippo_Tron]

45. Modern left/right political dichotomy didn't exist in the first century

Yes, Jesus had a lot of beliefs about helping the poor and rich men getting into the kingdom of heaven, and paying Ceasar his dues, that a lot of his supposed followers would be wise to consider. But the new testament isn't a fucking blueprint for the economic and political systems of a modern state. Anybody anywhere on the political spectrum who thinks it is, is an idiot.

[truebrit71]

48. More proof that this guy is an absolute moron...

...and I mean stone-fuckingly stupid...*facepalm

[stevenleser]

49. WTF??? I mean really, WTF? And on further review, WTF?!?!?!?!?

Wow!

[and-justice-for-all]

50. First, prove he exited in the first place...nt