One thing I will never understand is long term adulterous affairs

[AngryAmish]

(Under normal circumstances) how do people do it? Say you want to meet and sleep with your non-spouse once a week. Where in the world do you find the time? I have a pretty flexible work schedule but I could not find the time. Then you would have to come up with a consistent set of lies. And a place to have said bouncy-bouncy.

I love my wife and would never do anything to hurt our marriage. But other than that I could not take the stress.

(Now one-off things are easier to manage, especially when out of town. And I also get that people stay together for the kids- which I respect. Sometime a spouse falls ill or loses interest. These are not normal circumstances.)

[90-percent]

1. I agree

I kind of think monogamy is unnatural, BUT...my wife sure as hell doesn't!

And I dabbled into getting into an affair once - about 15 years ago. I did not enjoy it. Way too much stress and lying and guilt.

-jim

[seabeyond]

2. i would think there absolutely have to be a part of the person that detaches

and i agree. this is scenario of a supposed together marriage without ok of an affair. there are all kinds of situations where affair is a different flavor.

but i would think the person would have to be detached and i would think that would be visible to a mate.

and it is not gender specific. this happens with both genders.

i have always heard people that have gone thru this saying there were signs, they just did not see at the time

but i wonder too. curious. what brought this up.

[AngryAmish]

3. Oh the wife of the IMF guy supporting him brought this to my mind

Just thoughts bouncing around my hollow head.

[seabeyond]

5. ahhhh. didnt know the "good wife" of a man trying to rape another came to his defense.

lovely when a woman will support her man at all cost.

thanks

[PassingFair]

4. One of my friends is recently divorced. And she doesn't want to remarry again any time soon....

She has hooked up with a guy who is a serial adulterer.

She sees him 2 or 3 times a week, so I think that if his
wife DOESN'T know about it, she either doesn't CARE or she
doesn't want to face facts and just ignores the whole situation.

Sometimes people just don't give a shit.

I have stopped warning her that no good will come of it.

:shrug:

[MrsBrady]

6. god, I hope she's using protection

ick

so sorry

[rurallib]

7. I suppose it depends on the importance you give it in your life

somehow in my younger years I could manage a job, wife and kids and was still able to get in 3 or 4 racketball games a week.

[KansDem]

8. "racketball games"

Haven't heard that euphemism! Shows finesse and creativity.

Sure beats "working late at the office!"...;)

[seabeyond]

10. Sure beats "working late at the office!"...

bah hahaha. that was funny

[rurallib]

16. don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing.

[Celebration]

9. sure, but one difference is

you didn't have to lie about the racquetball.

[BlueCaliDem]

18. lol Racketball games... eom

[HopeHoops]

11. Personally, I like to get laid whenever, wherever, and as often as possible.

Fortunately, so does my wife. :evilgrin: We've been together since '84.

[damntexdem]

12. It's one of the most-ancient, long-lasting, and persistent behaviors of humanity.

Whatever one thinks of it or its social and psychological effects on all involved, the fact that it is deep-rooted in human behavior, and was likely selected for by evolution, must still be acknowledged.

[seabeyond]

14. dont buy it one iota. the minority do it. use to be a very small minority of women

until sexual freedom and now women equally do it.

throws the evolutionary bullshit to the wayside

[dawg]

17. same could be said for rape

n/t

[LanternWaste]

20. As is the natural and biological urge to...

"It's one of the most-ancient, long-lasting, and persistent behaviors of humanity..."

As is the natural and biological urge to defecate. Yet it seems that for the most part, our social mores and our natural urges have found a rather effective and efficient balance.

While all of our urges must be acknowledged, there is no one thing preventing our own self-discipline in temporary denial of those urges (other than self-rationalizations). :shrug:

[dawg]

13. I think for the affair to be "long term" ... the abused spouse,

and that *is* what they are, would probably be looking the other way and living in denial of what was going on. Same goes for a never-ending series of "short term" affairs.

With my situation, somehow I just knew. I had these sad old country songs stuck in my head all week - and I don't normally listen to country music.

[lapislzi]

15. If you're asking as a practical matter, I can see this:

You have a standing weekly "something" outside of work. Sports and games comes to mind. Except you're not there, you're with your other. Other probably has a home and you go there. Or your spouse has a something, and you use your place.

With cell phones, it's even easier. You don't have to call Joe's house to see whether your husband is at his poker game.

The best lies are the simplest.

Full disclosure: I engaged in more than one online relationship of fairly significant duration. However, physical contact did not occur until I had ended my relationship with my then-partner. I am now married and have no interest in such things. But I can assure you that it's pretty easy to manage, if you can compartmentalize the guilt and the stress.

[Johonny]

19. I don't understand why people must judge other peoples personal relationships

and rank them in accordance with their personal habits? Do people feel better about themselves because someone else has a personal relationship they don't approve of? Why? Doesn't make any sense to me.

[Zorra]

21. Yep. That would be a very sad and painful way to be.

IMO, one of the keys to having a great life is to keep your mind and conscience clear, and lying, cheating and hurting someone definitely creates a swirling dirty mess in those places.

Doing something, repeatedly, that would hurt your partner, and then the whole elaborate scheme of lies and subterfuge involved in hiding the nasty little deal, is way up there on the scale of rotten, ugly things in this world.