I need advice: Is this LTTE too snarky?

[Jackpine Radical]

Editor:

I’m glad to see that Senator Ron Johnson is proving himself trustworthy.

Big Oil poured $89,600 into his campaign coffers, and he did exactly what they paid him to do. He voted to continue the $21 billion in tax breaks that our government hands out to the oil companies every year.

In a time of great concern over our Federal deficits, this was a truly courageous act. Not every senator could be trusted to push aside the interests of the people who elected him in order to keep faith with the ultra-rich oil companies who bought him.

I’m sure Ron’s willingness to impose cuts to services that benefit ordinary people in order to shift even more wealth to the giant corporations will continue to be well-rewarded.

<Jackpine Radical>

[lumberjack_jeff]

1. I'm the wrong guy to ask.

Too much snark is never enough.

[LiberalLoner]

5. This. n/t

[Mz Pip]

2. Not too snarky at all

reads just about right IMHO. :thumbsup:

[LiberalAndProud]

3. Nope. Scathing truth is not snark, IMHO.

Run with it.

[sharp_stick]

4. I like it

let us know if the paper prints it.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

6. I'd be so tempted to add a few random

FUs along each border of the letter, so no, not too snarky.

[livetohike]

7. It's a great LTTE. Short and to the point and no, I don't think that

it is too snarky at all :-).

[sinkingfeeling]

8. It's perfect.

[On the Road]

9. The Only Suggestion I Would Make

is that you would gain a wider audience with two substitutions:

Big Oil -- I would suggest "the oil industry" or "the petroleum industry"

Ron -- I would suggest "Senator Johnson,"

Less emotionally laden language equals more readers and a more persuasive letter.

[damntexdem]

10. Not at all too snarky -- in fact, nicely snarky. But ...

better include a line for those who just don't get it, spelling it out for them.

[sarge43]

11. Not snarky enough, but it's fine. Send it.

Wouldn't call him Ron though; he's not your friend.

[patrice]

12. I'm not sure the first sentence is snarky enough maybe it's the word trustworthy, it's too positive?

We don't discover that you're being sarcastic until the next paragraph, which wouldn't be bad if the first sentence didn't leave such a positive effect, but then that is what sarcasm does.

consistent
reliable
predictable
committed
obdurate
responsible

[Jackpine Radical]

20. I intended the first sentence to be positive.

It's a kind of bait, intended to entice the Right Wingers into reading it. That also accounts for my use of Johnson's first name. In ordinary discourse, I always refer to him as Sunspot Johnson in honor of his dismissal of global warming.

[patrice]

21. That IS the way it's done in "classically" sarcastic styles. You are right.

[Jackpine Radical]

24. Well, I'm a pretty old-fashioned kind of guy,

the original Countrified Curmudgeon.

[gratuitous]

13. Toss in a sentence or two about better uses for $21 billion

If your area is keen on "deficit reduction," particularly in a way it never was when Bush and his cronies were funneling the Treasury directly into the overstuffed pockets of their wealthy pals, you could mention deficit reduction. If your area has poor roads or crumbling schools, mention the improvements $21 billion could pay for. And so forth.

[The Doctor.]

16. Nah... that was concisely covered in the part about reducing services.

It might not have been specific, but it's better that people see 'services' and picture what matters to them rather than detail something they might not care about.

In this case, less is more.

[The Doctor.]

14. Perfect.

Send it now!

[OhioChick]

15. Sounds good to me n/t

[Jefferson23]

17. Not enough snark, but I am still mourning Feingold. n/t

[Scuba]

18. Good letter, and some good suggestions in the replies. Thanks to all. n/t

[xfundy]

19. It's excellent.

You might consider adding some of the code words the GOPigs are constantly using, though. And I agree with the earlier commenter to rephrase "big oil," as they have tried to reframe "big," as in "big labor," etc.

Off the top of my head, one or two words:

Entitlement (or entitlements, ie, oil companies seek...)

Reparations

I'm sure others can think of more.

[sufrommich]

22. I don't think it sounds snarky at all. Looks like facts to me. nt

[LadyHawkAZ]

23. No. It's perfect as is.

[applegrove]

25. Clear and to the point.