P Robertson: Snow Is God’s Way of Punishing Americans Who Were Planning to Drive to Do Something Gay

[proud2BlibKansan]

VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”

Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.”

Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

In other blizzard-related news, the National Weather Service offered this update: “It’s as white as a Glenn Beck rally out there.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

[spanone]

1. pat robertson must be god's personal comedy channel

[Pathwalker]

2. Or...it's nature's way of telling you it's winter.

Put down the bong, Pat.

[FrancisTreptoe]

14. No put down the crack pipe.

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Wow, busted . . . . .

:sarcasm:

[pinboy3niner]

4. LOL!

Andy does it again... :rofl:

[proud2BlibKansan]

25. Isn't he great?

:rofl:

[WingDinger]

5. God also made the weather, so we would stay home and blow spliffs.

All warm and toasty. He has said as much when he said it was stupid to criminalize pot, to any degree. Maybe he wants to use pot as gay methadone.

[Whoa_Nelly]

10. and make babies...don't forget about staying home and making babies

:sarcasm:

[katnapped]

20. Nuh-uh...need to qualify that

Only if you're married AND Republican. Otherwise you're already banished to spend a life in hell for your sins :sarcasm:

[sabbat hunter]

6. I am fairly sure

that the article in question is satire. Given that the author is a comedian/satirist.

[Whoa_Nelly]

7. Aw, gee...were Pat's personal plans also interrupted?

:sarcasm:

STFU, Robertson.

[Pisces]

8. I guess God doesn't mind the gays in South Beach hooking up. It's only those NY gays he doesn't

want to have sex.

[PJPhreak]

9. “I think God probably wonders,

if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

Maybe its because they LIVE there??

Last week this idiot came out for the Legalization of Weed....Then he says something like this??

Effin Nutjob!

[KansDem]

11. Wow! He's almost a poet...

Hey, Pat...try something like:

Punishing Americans with snow is God's way
Who were planning to drive to do something gay!

C'mon, Pat! Work with it!

...or how about a haiku?

Much snow is God's way
To punish Americans
Driving to be gay

[dbonds]

12. Does that mean Bing Crosby was calling down gods wrath when he sang ...

"I'm dreaming of a white christmas"?

[etherealtruth]

13. I love it! Thanks

The funniest "things" have a ring a plausibility to them.

[Buns_of_Fire]

19. ...and the really MASTERFUL ones always make you wonder for just a split-second...

(Of course, with the really, really masterful ones... you just never know, one way or the other.:evilgrin:)

[Wickerman]

15. Every time I see a Pat Robinson quote I think it has to be from the Onion

So, God created a snowstorm that is paralyzing the entire populace simply to spite an estimated 5% of the population?

What a twisted, moronic old homophobe. I wonder why that old bigot is so preoccupied with what others do in bed? :think:

[FrancisTreptoe]

16. God lord what is it going to take for this man to get kicked off the air?

[BlueDemKev]

18. His keeling over

[BlueDemKev]

17. Oh yeah, like driving to the Vikings-Eagles game in Philadelphia....

You see, I was hoping since Brett Favre won't be playing, he might come up into the stands and massage my private parts! :eyes:

Pat Robertson is a crackpot.

[yodermon]

21. That this post fooled so many DUers is a testament to Pat's profound wingnuttery

It would be hysterical if it weren't so depressing.

[proud2BlibKansan]

28. LOL

Very true.

[HughBeaumont]

22. Edit.

Forgot to look and see that it's Borowitz :banghead:

Although, it really, honestly wouldn't surprise me.

[Tess49]

23. I assumed this was from the Onion until I looked at the link. Sounds

like something Pat would say. Had me until I read the weather service quote about Glen Beck.

[Broderick]

24. Bizarre nt

[onenote]

26. one of the funniest thing about Borowitz's stories is how many people fall for them

This thread is proof positive of that!

[Arkana]

27. Jesus fucking christ.

This guy talks about "the gay" so much I'm starting to wonder if he doesn't hunger for it himself.

e: Hahaha, Borowitz. Still, it sounds like something Reverend Pat would say.

[Motown_Johnny]

29. and all the nice days are there to reward people who were on their way to do gay stuff?

What else could it be?



:sarcasm:

[guitar man]

30. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Pat

Make the Yuletide gay..... :rofl:

[sofa king]

31. Maybe the gayness can be cured by smoking dope.`

Isn't that Robertson's other crusade these days?

[felix_numinous]

32. Evangelicals on MJ

the new fringe.

[Poll_Blind]

33. I refuse to believe God interrupted my unitard shopping trip! n/t

PB

[Doctor_J]

34. Yes. I was unable to get to the Jonas Bros concert

:wtf:

Never mind. It's prof. borowitz.