Major life changing decision that I need to make.

[Locut0s]

I some here may know my story. Currently living at home with parents @ 28, have about 1/2 a degree in university that I have not used, been working retail jobs for about 5 years, suffered off and on from major issues with depression / anxiety / social phobia etc etc etc.. At any rate one thing that I need to do sooner or later is move out of the house into my own place. The question is when I should do this. It's a little more complicated than it sounds at first. I definitely want to go back to university or college to get a degree or something like it (possibly in math, physics, comp sci, or some combination of those). Doing so will of course require money. Living on my own will also of course require an income.

Now I have saved up over the years a "nest egg", if you want to call it that, of about $60k. I've been thinking that I could use this as a down-payment on an apartment (something in the low 100K range) and carry a small mortgage. My mother has also offered to help me with the down-payment. Only thing is that this money could also go towards completely paying for my degree and more which would leave me debt free when leaving university/college (+some money left over). If I used the money for my degree though I would most likely be looking at staying at home again. A 3rd option would be to use the money for a degree + on campus accommodation aka dorms. One issue I have with both of the later ideas though is that while paying for a degree is certainly a form of "investment" it isn't a direct investment in the way that buying the apartment would be and doing that would at least give me a certain sense of security.

A 4th option would be to buy an apartment and rent it out as a form of investment.

And of course there is the option to just rent an apartment.

Overlying all these issues are the issues I've had life long with depression / anxiety. Many of these issue may stand to improve a lot simply by moving out on my own. However there is also the possibility of them getting worse and then things would be compounded by the fact that right now I don't have any expenses to speak of (which make weathering such difficulties easier) and at that point I definitely would.

Edit: I guess one other reason I would like to move out is that I need to get a GF at some point! Sounds stupid but I really have never had a GF and at 28 that's starting to weigh on me and it starts to get more difficult if you live with your parents at this age.

I'm certainly not going to make my decision based solely on what DU has to say but I'd like your input. Thanks.

[PassingFair]

1. Stay at home, finish University.

THEN get job, THEN move out!

Good Luck!

Or maybe find a roommate and move
close to school?

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. I think that sounds very sensible.

[sammytko]

2. Why not rent while attending school. Buying a house is not an investment, its just a place to live

and you have to have somewhere to stay. Don't spend all your money on your education. Try to get some scholarships.

[Locut0s]

10. Yes that's also something I've thought of. Thanks nt.

[bluerum]

3. My take - go to school. Most campuses have well developed social services.

Meaning employment services. Health services. Housing services. Not to mention you might learn something. You might also make some friends and share a house or condo.

[Extend a Hand]

4. my .02

a house with a mortgage in this market is more of a liability than an investment-- I think Canadian real estate prices are going to be sliding. I say stay at home and live cheap until you finish the degree. It would suck to have to deal with selling into a down market or giving up more distant career opportunities because you bought a place when you could live at home or rent cheap and finish in just a couple of years.

[jody]

5. You’re the age of my grandchildren. Suggest you stay with parents for a few semesters

while you get all the prerequisites for “math, physics, comp sci, or some combination of those” out of the way.

Perhaps computer science is the better choice unless you are really, really serious about graduate school.

Good luck as you plot your course for life. :hi:

[Locut0s]

12. Sort of have the prerequs. 4.0GPA from HS Although this GPA has sort of gone down the toilet....

because I quit school many times during early days at university due to depression.

[jody]

17. Understand. I'm a retired dean so set up a meeting with a dean and have a frank discussion.

My fields are computer science and mathematics.

ON EDIT ADD: Not all deans are understanding so shop around and good luck. :pals:

[Pharaoh]

7. If there are no jobs

a degree won't help much,

[Locut0s]

11. So far the Canadian economy has been doing better than the US. Though that doesn't....

mean that this trend will continue of course.

[Ruby the Liberal]

8. I wouldn't buy. You may have to relocate after graduation.

Cudos on your savings. That takes great discipline and is not commonly seen in people your age. Well done!

My recommend is to find a place to rent, and preferrably with a roommate. That way, you can transition to being on your own while still having company (and someone to help with the bills). This is also an idea I like because for those of us who suffer from depression are likely the last to see it. Having another human around can help spot the signs.

Pay for school with your nest egg, but continue to save.

Then when you graduate and decide to put down roots, you won't be burdened with trying to sell property or student debt.

Congrats to you for doing it right. I wish I could go back and tell my 18 year old self your 28 year old story. I would have done things a lot different...

[mike_c]

9. use the money to pay for education....

The alternative is likely that you'll graduate already deep in debt, and it will take years to dig your way out. Use the money to fullest advantage, too-- get your undergrad degree somewhere inexpensive so that you can afford to get an advanced degree, too. That will often increase the lifetime value of your education dramatically. Of course, it's no guarantee-- returns on investment are rarely guaranteed-- so undoubtedly someone will chime in here to tell us how utterly worthless their college or graduate degrees turned out to be. But my own experience was quite the opposite, and EVERYONE I work with is essentially in the same boat as I in that respect, so I see LOTS of evidence that staying on for an advanced degree, especially in disciplines with market demand, is a rewarding strategy.

One other thing, too-- you might find that self actualization is a path to greater long term happiness and emotional stability, also. That has certainly been true for me. I love the work I do now, and I'm reasonably good at it. My colleagues respect me. Living with lots of mutual respect and admiration does wonders for one's self esteem and world view!

[Phlunk]

13. Use a portion of the money

to buy a home near the university you plan to attend. Home prices are at historical lows. With a little shopping you can probably get a steal. Only put down the minimum down payment you can get away with. Use some of the rest for tuition, try to borrow some of that as well. The balance you can budget out to help cover living expenses.

After graduation you will be in a position for a better job and you home will likely have increased in value if you buy it right.

[Locut0s]

19. Not in this town. Vancouver Canada. Average house prices are like 800K still. nt.

[Dappleganger]

14. Invest in yourself first.

Education has a higher return than a home. Stay liquid--keep some money back for emergencies.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

15. 28 and a $60K nest egg?

Keep doing what you're doing.


?

[Hannah Bell]

31. ditto. forget the girlfriend, find some nice friends, male or female.

friends who won't want you to spend money on them or marry them & buy all the crap they want.

gf = quick way to lose your nest egg.

i say that as a woman; seen it happen to lots of men.

the opposite, too.

[lumberjack_jeff]

35. +1 n/t

[Liberal_in_LA]

40. agreed. Other 28 year olds have more 'stuff' but no nest egg

[Little Star]

16. I'm in the pay for your education corner. If...............

If life at home is comfortable for you I'd stay home for as long as possible while in school (if your parents will have you that is, lol). Why add additional stress in your life if you don't need to. You'll have plenty of time for all that multi-tasking stuff later, why rush into it if you don't really have to. Best of luck to you!

[Locut0s]

18. Comfortable and parents definitely will have me!!

[Little Star]

27. I don't blame them! You sound like a very good person :) n/t

[pacalo]

20. Live at home & go to school!

You'll be less burdened.

See a doctor about getting some Paxil, which works great for most people who are depressed & have social phobias. It truly lifts the dark cloud. The only drawback of Paxil is that it tends to make a person a little too laid back, although it in no way decreases one's reflexes. It simply improves mood to a happier state of mind.

Good luck to you! Btw, from the subjects you mentioned you'd like to study, it sounds like you have a great mind; I'm glad you plan to better your life. I really know you'd be able to apply yourself & concentrate living at home without the burden of the bills that go along with renting an apartment.

:)

[Locut0s]

23. I've actually been on Paxil for several years, thanks. It helps......

though I still have dark periods. I may be a little too laid back some times true. The only other major side effect I've noticed are sexual side effects, takes forever to cum lol :P

[pacalo]

25. Zoweee!

TMI! TMI!

:hi:

[freethought]

21. I agree with the first poster

Dear LocutOs,

I am in full agreement with PassingFair. You should use that cash to finish that degree. It's a rare thing these days when a student can finish a full college degree and be debt free when they graduate. It gives you a major advantage when your out. You're not burdened with student loan debt.

I can also relate to your depression/anxiety problems. I am 42 years old, and have dealt with depression that became so bad it put me into a psychiatric hospital for a short time. Since then I have lived with a sister, without her I would have been out on the street. Now I am well on the mend and I am at a crossroads of sorts. I could find a job. I do have a particular skill set but it is a very obscure one in a not-so-huge sector of the economy and demand for this skill set is not in huge demand at the moment. Fortunately, an old employer that I worked for over ten years ago has expressed an interest in having me return to work for them. So there is one option. The other choice is to go back to school where, with the right support and encouragement, I could have another degree in two years or so. I would need financial aid but not a full 4 years worth.
I can understand your social phobias as well. One thing that made my depression nearly spiral out of control was my bad habit of isolating myself and not seek any sort of help.
As far as I can see you're in a position where by whatever path you choose, you're taking a risk. Both have their advantages and their pitfalls. The question as I see it is that which path puts you in a better position to deal with life and the hits it sends you.
Given all I have said, I think you would be better off to get that degree. When you're done, you be in a better position to move ahead be it socially or economically. Lastly, don't hesitate to seek out some sort of support, perhaps from a therapist or maybe a support group. There are more out their like you than you may think.

[Locut0s]

24. Thanks for the support! nt.

[Happyhippychick]

22. I really want to advise you to get some help with your depression and anxiety.

You absolutely don't have to do that in lieu of any of the other choices, but part of your indecisiveness is attached to these feelings of depression and anxiety. Any choice that you make won't make you happy if you don't get your mental house in order, work on that for sure.

That said, kudos on the 60K, that is incredible!

Now, what would I do? I would go to school and rent a place, I wouldn't buy a place if I thought there is a chance I could move. At your age, with no family of your own, keep yourself as unhitched to things as possible so that you can move at a moment's notice if you get a wonderful job offer or meet the woman of your dreams.

Good luck and please keep us posted. You sound like an incredibly solid citizen.

[LiberalEsto]

26. My 24-year-old daughter has panic disorder

and anxiety and depression too. She's been in and out of 5 colleges and racked up $26,000 in student loan debt. For the past couple of years she has been living at home and attending the local two-year community college. She had intended to major in education with the goal of becoming a 5th grade math teacher, transferring to a 4-year college to get her teaching degree. However the number of teacher layoffs around the U.S. has scared her (plus having to take out another $30,000 in loans to do it), so she decided to finish community college as a general studies major, hopefully in May 2011, take a substitute teaching course and work as a substitute teacher for now.

What made it possible for her to take classes the past two years was on-line education. She panics at going to regular classes.

You might want to look into online classes as a way of working your way back into the academic world. Many colleges offer online classes. My daughter's college offers both for-credit online classes and noncredit courses through partnering with an organization called Ed2Go -- http://www.ed2go.com/ I took a class with them a couple of years ago and liked it a lot.

[Locut0s]

28. THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND SUGGESTION GUYS! For those who praise me for saving, I'm not,,,,,,,,,

really that good when you think of the details:

Umm like I said I'm really NOT that amazing at saving. Live at home with parents and no other expenses. I worked at 7-11 for 4 years making about 14$/hr. That's about what a little over 30K per year gross when you work in overtime. I made more like 35K during the last year or year 1/2. So that's 125K at least over those 4 years. In the past several months I've been working at a computer retail store making much less. So you take 125k-60 means that I still managed to spend about 40k WITHOUT a car, without rent, without needing to buy much in the way of food etc! A lot of that went to tech toys and entertainment. Well not factoring in taxes here of course.

[pitohui]

30. you don't give yourself enough credit

i see lots of young people your age living at home, most of them don't save a DIME, it's all "play money"

you have been very wise to both save and to enjoy your life, i suspect you make v. good decisions and just don't give yourself credit

[Hannah Bell]

33. keep living with the parents but pay them something. it might make both of you feel better about

situation.

if they're ok with it & you are, what the heck.

take a few classes to try out the college thing while keeping your job.

find some nice friends at college.

avoid serious romantic entanglements until your life is stable.

in my experience, in that kind of situation they generally make things worse.

[pitohui]

29. i'm going to make a very cautious suggestion

in my experience people with major depression DON'T do well living on their own, one of my unpaid jobs is going over and kicking the ass of one of my single friends so he'll get out of bed and go to work and earn money, i'm not saying you have to live w. your parents forever but IF you decide to buy the apartment and you are still single, i might consider a roommate situation -- not something i normally recommend but if you've struggled w. this a lot it's goood to have someone around to say, get out of bed, get a check up, etc.

$60K is an amazing amt of money for a person struggling w. depression to have saved at your young age, hell, let me put it another way, you're 28, and $60K is an AMAZING amount of money for you to have saved PERIOD

i am proud of your accomplishment, i hope you are proud of you, you deserve to be -- you have made some good choices to be able to hold onto your money and grow it like that, esp. considering your challenges

i think at the end of the day, whether you put the money toward an apartment or an education, either way, you're giving yourself an amazing head start, at your age, i would be embarrassed to admit how much money i owed...

congratulations! whatever you chose to do, you have proven good judgment, i'm sure you'll do the right thing

[Hello_Kitty]

32. Living at home doesn't necessarily make someone a dating reject

Back in my dating days if a guy lived at home I looked at how he conducted himself there. If he was a fully contributing member of the household, money and chores-wise, it was not a problem for me since I had my own place if we wanted privacy. But when the guy was in his 20s or 30s and his mom was cooking and doing his laundry for him and every time he had a problem he called his parents, then I'd be looking askance at him.

[TBF]

34. In college and when I graduated I had roommates the first few years -

only in my mid-20's with a serious boyfriend did I finally get my own apartment. It is nice to live completely on your own - and I do feel everyone should do that at some point in their lives - but in your case wouldn't it be good to have folks around if you are prone to depression? It will be easier to meet someone, too, if you are around other people your own age. Good luck!

[necso]

36. It seems to me that,

on some level, you're on a successful course (working at retail jobs (not the easiest thing); saving considerable money; (apparently) not doing harm). Success such-as-this is a good thing; success is generally helpful to one's state, perspective, utility, etc; and moving from (real) success to success is how (one way that) you build a strong, capable "army".

So I'd make continued success a high priority; it's important to go with what works for you (but without drawing this boundary too restrictively).

More specifically, I can't recommend investing a large part of your savings in real-estate at this time (and owning real-estate is a big responsibility; sometimes, a major headache). Plus, if living at home isn't a significant problem, then you can wait to move out until you have more reason to (like moving for a job; moving in with someone).

As for college, getting a degree could well increase your earning potential; and it might land you a job that you like better. But I'd make a careful study of what your actual prospects would be (what degrees (from your colleges of choice) are getting jobs (with what probability); what do the graduates make), and not take anything for granted... regardless of what others say. Also, I'd make a point of learning some useful foreign language (something you could work on now, inexpensively).

(More generally, there are lots of things that you can learn about without college; and if you're thinking about returning to college, the better prepared you are (to the point of doing course-work before you take the courses), the better your chances of success. Moreover, college is for most people just a step on the way to a "career" (ie, other than staying at college); and choosing a profession can be tough. For example, a person can be good at things without having any passion for them, and such passions as he has can quickly cool. So exploring things without committing to them can be helpful.)

On some level, we're all just getting by; but some people make much more of it (for better or worse). And it's important not to get caught up in (for whatever reason: like others are) stuff that doesn't work for you. (A lot of stuff that others seem enthusiastic about (push, posture about, etc) just doesn't seem to work for me.)

[Duer 157099]

37. Invest in an apartment. Use student loans for education.

If things get tough, rent the apartment out to cover the mortgage and move back in with parents.

[rucky]

38. The fact that you're ready to make a move - any move - is a WIN

go with what will make you feel the most happy and secure. Money comes and goes.

[DCKit]

39. Group home. Look up the concept.

I know you have them there.

[ohheckyeah]

41. I hope you don't mind

but I sent you a private message.

[dkf]

42. Stay at home...save save save.

Go to a state university for your degree. Don't buy a place for at least a year, maybe two because housing is still coming down. There are a lot of foreclosures still coming down the pike.

And please DO NOT OVERBUY a house. That is the worst financial mistake you can make and can be the biggest source of stress ever.

Saving $60k at 28 is incredible. A huge congrats to you.

[DeadEyeDyck]

43. Get out of the house and start a life

It will be hard but you will figure it out.

I am younger than you and have been out of the house for years. I worked in a Poultry plant as an IT tech until I made enough money to go to school. Love my family but love my freedon more.

[taught_me_patience]

44. I'm going to give very serious advice

Go back to school and live in the dorms. You will be able to finish your degree and you are GUARANTEED to meet women.

[taught_me_patience]

45. Also, make every effort to move out of the house

Whatever it takes... seriously. NO amount of money is worth the freedom of living on your own.

[HEyHEY]

46. If you find an apartment in the low hundred thousand range in Vancouver you deserve a degree.

[demodonkey]

47. Live @ home, finish school debt-free... The rest will come to you eventually.

Read some of the horrors caused by student loans on other threads.

My mother and father were children of the Depression; both lived at home (as did many of their brothers and sisters) until they got married. I was raised to believe that if you get along with your family, living at home is no big deal. But debt is.