The TRUE story of Jesus H. Christ

[noahmijo]

Since all of you athesists and non-believers are all going to perish in the fires of the inferno I thought you should know why.


Jesus Harrison Christ was born the second son of God (The first one in a fit of anger told his father "fuck this shit I'm not dying for the sins of a pack of pinheads I never even met!") so the first son "Schloma" packed up and moved to Florida to become the first "surgery-less" plastic surgeon where he misled the Jewish people in a major election but that's another story.

Okay so the second son of God "Jesus" was born in Texas by all white all American parents who had Mexican neighbors who told them that they thought the name "Jesus" would sound cool.

Jesus then proceeded to tell the people that they must hate gays, people of any color other than a bleach like beige, and they must all shop at Wal-Mart especially at Christmas time because we all know nothin honors the birthday of Jesus like a singing fish and a copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for your 7 year old. (Note Jesus demands you blame the video game company for why your 7 year old will later turn into a 35 year old inmate of Fulsom Prison) Also it's your fault too for not putting in more than a $20 bill in the collection plate.



(I am so going to hell for this bit)

Anyone care to add?


PS This is not meant to offend DU'ers who subscribe to the faith and teachings of Christ.

I myself am sort of a lapse Catholic who holds the teachings of Jesus Christ to the highest pillar, however I just despise what organized religion has done to Jesus and to the country.

Hence take this silly bit as just a shot at the radical right and what I think is their pespective on Christ.