Rumored: Bush To Name New Secretary Of Defense Soon?

[DistressedAmerican]

Meet the leading contender for a replacement....

Sources Report Rumsfeld To Be Replaced With Commander Death

WASHINGTON - His years of loyal "behind the scenes" work for this administration is about to be rewarded according to several Washington insiders.

Commander Death (right) has long let it be known in certain circles that he was interested in the job. He is expected to bring with him a loyal lieutenant subcommandante slaughter (pictured at left). Together they have worked steadily up into the ranks of Douglass Feith and others, reportedly filling gaps created as Paul Wolfowitz left, sometimes sitting in on Vice president Dick Cheney's weekly staff meetings.

Mainly working the torture beat, they have been instrumental in efforts to conceal photos and videos of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib and other facilities. It is reported that they "met privately" with principle players in the various cases regarding their release. More recently they have been seen around the back halls of congress "twisting a few elbows" on the bill that would ban torture in American military facilities. Rumor is that they would like a broad exemption to any such legislation that would allow the CIA, the Secretary of Defense and the Vice-President to employ whatever techniques they thought justified. The access for the CIA was well known. But, personal torture passes for some of our highest was news to our reporters.

Details remain to be worked out. But, if the sides can reach an agreement for a transition soon, we could see Commander Death in the Pentagon's top spot as soon as February, according to our sources.