air marshalls should be allowed to kill anyone they want to.

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(on edit: spelling)

air marshalls are essentially part our troops on the front lines of the war on terror. and we should support the troops. anyone who disagrees with some of the shooting our troops are doing are traitors. they are trained professionals putting their lives on the line to save us all. they fight terrorists in the jetway so passengers don't have to fight them in the aisles. except when the terrorists actually are in the aisles, in which case they chase them out to the jetway. they also karate chops cell phones out of passengers' hands and force them to lie down. they do this so the innocent can't see what's going on because witnesses only undermine troop morale. they also do this in case any of the other passengers are in on it, they'll be harder to see under the seats because our troops like a challenge.

so if you bring an ipod on board and start singing along to "don't fear the reaper", don't be surprised to find a few bullets in your belly by the time you get to the second verse. it's your fault to pick a song that trained air marshalls could twist into an implication that there's a bomb on board. it's also your fault for totally cranking the music so much that you didn't hear them ask you to drop to the ground. it's also your fault for turning around right before they shot you, because that's just what a terrorist would have done. or might have done. they do things like stand up, sit down, turn around and stuff. and maybe they use ipods to blend in. or maybe the ipod was actually a bomb, or a triggering device, or a communication device to your fellow terrorists.

oh sure, it's easy for YOU to say that it was just an ipod, not a bomb, but the air marshalls had just a split second to decide whether or not to drop you or to do nothing and risk the deaths of everyone on the plane. and you know, when planes blow up, they fall out of the sky and parts drop on people in the city below. there are millions of people who live in cities, and all their lives are at risk. so when it comes down to it, it's a pretty easy decision for them to just drop you. you're just one person, and you were singing off key.

next time, you'll know better and alert the flight personnel and airport security to the fact that you're carrying an ipod and that your song selection might overlap with the musical taste of certain terrorists. in any event, i feel much safer knowing that there are undercover government people on my plane, possibly sitting next to me, who would be happy to kill anyone who makes them nervous. after all, if it weren't for them, the plane might get taken over by terrorists who would be happy to kill anyone who makes them nervous.