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Through his spokes-elf, Jingle McBellan, Santa explained that, due to necessary North Pole spending cuts related to the War on Christmas...
Children of low-income families and in foster care will have to make do with lumps of coal and switches in their Christmas stockings.
McBellan reassured children of the wealthiest 10%, however, that they will still be receiving iPod's, Xbox's, PlayStations, and, for rich girls who've been especially good...
The new Plastic Surgery Barbie Doll, complete with mini-botox and collagen lip injection kit, plus Ferragamo dominatrix doll shoes, just like Condi Rice's!
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