My God! I STILL have PTSD symptoms!

[rbnyc]

Will I EVER get over it???

I was just in a thread about speeding, and I got upset, because if the driver who hit us last year weren't speeding, the accident may not have been so bad. I know that if I hadn't lost that baby, I wouldn't have my son now. And I'm so grateful for my son. He's perfect and wonderful. Ah! I'm so confused.

So I got out of that thread before I got too upset. Then the phone rang, and the person on the other end was laughing, but it sounded like crying. So in the split-second that I thought it was crying I was sure it was my mother-in-law calling to say something had happened to my son. (He's at Grandma's today.)

It took less than a second to figure out it was one of our volunteers laughing, but my heart is still pounding. I can hardly breathe. I'm shaking. I'm freezing cold. And I feel like I'm going to vomit.

Now I just want to go be with my son. But my lunch break is over in 3 minutes and I have to wrap my head around work again.

Will I EVER be okay? Will I EVER get over it? My god, think what our troops are going through. Think what Iraqi parents are going through. Think what Mothers and Children in Africa are going through. And I can't get over a stupid car accident that happened over a year ago!

I feel like putting my head through the wall!