Laura Bush to resign

[bobweaver]

WASHINGTON - Dec. 7, 2004. First Lady Laura Bush announced through a spokesman that she will resign her position effective Friday, December 10th. "I have just had it with this guy," Bush is quoted in today's Washington Post. "He can't even win a war against a basically unarmed population, even with the world's mightiest armed forces at his disposal." Bush said her disappointment has been brewing for years. "The failed military career, the failed baseball venture, the failed oil business, the DUI, the political career based on lies and corruption, the wild daughters that always seem to end up on the "Go directly to Jail" space - I have to tell you it's taken its toll on our marriage." Her own roles have changed to her consternation. "I thought all I would ever have to do is bake cookies and look blandly pleasant without saying anything meaningful. I mean that is what a woman is for, right? But hey, they have had me hand deliver the videotapes from Osama Bin Laden's studio to the Fox News Network. That was not cheap, I'm telling you, with the price of gas these days. Bush expressed disappointment on the recent presidential election. "Hell, he needed the Supreme Court to drag him across the finish line in the 2000 election and this year he needed paperless voting machines to get by. Now I was brought up that a marriage is between one woman and one man, not between one woman and one chimpanzee! I want a man who can maintain an election." Asked what she planned to do next, Bush could only sigh and express a vague desire to move to Utah, "where a marriage is defined as one man and 27 women." Her husband, George W. Bush, could not be reached for comment on this story, because he was too busy in his office giving away the nation's public resources to the private corporations who donated to his election campaigns.