I need help from qualified DU Relationship Counselors

[Pale Blue Dot]

Here's the situation in a nutshell: When K. and I were teenagers, we declared our love for each other. She said her heart belonged to me, and that she would never love anyone else. However, she lived very far away, plus the relationship was very complicated, and I was scared of being alone, so after some time, I moved on to other women, eventually getting married and having a son.

From time to time, I would see K., and I would always use her as a shoulder to cry on. I would talk about the troubles in my relationships, or, later, how bad my marriage was. Later, I would congratulate myself for having the willpower not to make a pass at her.

What a fucking jerk I was.

Several months ago, my marriage ended. I went on a few first dates, some with women that I had convinced myself were "the one", only to feel nothing once we were actually out together. Nothing.

Recently, I had a chance to see K. again. The instant she walked into the room, my heart just broke. It broke because I realized that she has been "the one" all along, and I had let my selfishness and my fear get the best of me. I had everything I needed at one time, and I let it go because it was "too hard". I have spent the rest of my life looking for a closer, less complicated version of her. It even struck me recently how much my ex-wife looked like her.

So here's the situation: she kept her part of the bargain; she is still single now (although she has had a few long-term relationships), and I realize, finally, that I am truly in love with her. She still lives far away, and she has a successful career, and I have a son to take care of, plus all of the old complications are still there. So it would not be an easy, "safe" relationship. I don't care. I realize now that I could have a girlfriend tomorrow if I wanted. I want her.

I have to convince her that she can trust me with her heart again. But how do I do that? I will completely admit that I have been a total shit to her. Can I make it up? I am willing to wait months or years if need be.

My plan right now is this: I am hand-writing her a letter once a week. Every once in a while I will mix in a phone call, but I want to be very careful, because I don't want to ask anything at all of her right now. I just want to be a continuous presence in her life. I want to be there if she needs me, and not demand her if I need her. In May, if she has shown any interest at all, I will fly out to visit her, and perhaps confess everything. If she has not shown any interest, I will continue writing weekly until she does.

I want to show her that I can and will be there in her life, even in the most trying of circumstances. In the meantime, I am not going on any other dates. What's the point? I know what I want.

What else can I do to convince her that I've grown and changed? Time is no object. I am willing to wait forever, this time.

Thanks in advance.