Funniest Dear Abby letter ever

[jmowreader]

The letter is paraphrased, but it ran in today's newspaper. And no, I'm not making this shit up. My response, however, is not.

Dear Abby: My husband and I are attempting to enroll our child in an exclusive Christian day care center. Unfortunately, they are requesting that we list our occupations on the application, and we're both porn stars. If we lie and we're found out, they will kick our kid out of the center, so what do we do?

Dear Befuddled: You're a porn star, you're married to one, and you're attempting to enroll your kid in a Christian day care? Pardon me for a second while I pick my ass up off the floor. What part of "not only shalt thou not commit adultery, thou shalt definitely not let other people watch you doing it" didn't you get?

By the way, they're gonna find out what you do pretty damn quick. About two days after she enters the school, someone's going to play "who is your daddy and what does he do" and your kid's gonna answer "he makes movies Mommy says I can never watch, but they have names like 'Buggery on the High Seas' and "Miles of Poon Tang'. Mommy makes movies like that too."

Look, honey, there are a lot of real nice day care centers in Los Angeles that don't give a shit what you do for a living so long as it pays well enough to keep your account current. Enroll your child in one of those instead.