Well, I got a bit of bad news yesterday afternoon

[tavalon]

after which I went to work and pretended my world wasn't spinning out of control. It was so busy that, after a while, I almost forgot it myself. It's getting harder now that I'm home and it's quiet and I can feel my heart beating.

That damn heart.

I'm also childishly disappointed because I won't be able to go to DC for the counter-inaugural followed by the PDA conference. I was quite looking forward to it, though I had been procrastinating a bit on the arrangements, which turns out to be a good thing.

Seems my heart is more broken that my doctor and I first thought. Or maybe it isn't. I'm still clutching to that one. But there may be surgery in my too near future. There may be an implanted defibrillator (ew) or ablation (ick) or ?

I have the "first available" appointment next week with the cardiologist. I've been bumped from my internist. In the meanwhile, I get to ponder sudden cardiac arrest, unless I come up with some neat, nifty ways to obliterate that thought. Without drugs or alcohol. Oh, and my doctor mentioned it might be a good idea to keep my stress level down (of course that one is my fault for pushing him to play "what if?". He was trying to hedge on that)

So maybe in some weird way, it's good to focus on the disappointment about not getting to go next week.