Why the fuck do I always attract girls with low self esteem?!?!

[JohnnyCougar]

I used to be the typical "guy that wants to save the poor lost girl" person, and I always fell in love with innocent yet insecure girls. After about three trials and errors, I finally got it through my thick skull that girls with low self-esteems don't feel comfortable being loved by anyone, especially by someone who is kind and supportive to them. So I learned my lesson.

Then I meet this apparently mature, very smart girl, she graduated college, has her shit together, etc... Still, she was the emotionally reserved type. We actually agreed to be friends, and we became very good friends over the last year an a half. We were never going to have a romantic relationship because our futures wouldn't allow that, as we were both moving to different cities (and I don't really think she was ready for one). I really loved her deeply, though. She was probably the most sensitive, caring person I ever got to know. I found out later that she was abused as a child, her mom was never there for her, etc... She never had any really close friends from her childhood or even adolescence that she could count on for support, as far as I knew. So I gave her a letter that said she was a good friend, and that I loved her very much, that she was a beautiful person, and that I hoped we could still be friends even though we would be in different cities.

But now she won't even talk to me. I called her a couple of times, and I haven't really spoken with her for a month. Then, she finally e-mailed me. I found out this stupid meddling bitch of a girl (one of her friends) told her that I was obsessed with her and she needed to "force me to get over her." This friend told her that she was "preventing me from having a productive relationship from someone else" which was a total lie. She told me I make her feel guilty for leading me on, and that she doesn't want to talk to me.

So now, she is letting guilt and shame control her like a person with low self esteem would. She said she feels like a bitch. I'm guessing she doesn't want to talk to me because of the guilt she feels that has been created by this phantom situation her friend put in her head. Needless to say, yesterday was the day she moved away for good. I'm sure the letter had something to do with it, too. I never said anything about trying to start a romantic relationship with her, but who knows how she interpreted it.

I feel like Oedipus Rex. No matter how hard I try, I can't avoid my fate of loving unlovable girls. I knew I would never be able to have a romantic relationship with this girl, but I loved her anyways, and it crushes me to think that she won't talk to me. I don't know if I'll ever speak to her again. I wrote her an e-mail trying to straighten everything out, but that was over a week ago. It continues to bother me. I know she really used to care about me. A month ago, we were best friends. In the process of 30 days, everything has been turned upside-down. This sucks, I don't know who to blame, and I'm just trying to forget about it. She should be smarter than to listen to this idiot friend of hers, but then again, she has been friends with her for a while, and she is vulnerable. I don't know whether to blame her or her friend, or me for even caring about her in the first place. I had a deep friendship with this girl, but it wasn't like she was my romantic interest. I just get very emotional about friends, too.

I'm glad school has started and I have that to focus on, and I'm sure I'll be over this in another week or two. I just feel like shit now.