Reply #34: people can change; most people don't

[welshTerrier2]

first piece of advice: take it very, very slow ...

i wouldn't start out with "envisioning a reconciliation" or worse yet actually getting back together ...

if you're willing to invest in this woman, do it wisely and cautiously ... take your time ...

is she seeking reconciliation because she has learned and has changed or are you today's "as good as she can get" ??? the standard for the evidence you should require from her should be extremely high ... you not only didn't provide any evidence in your post that "she was a different person", you made it sound like she was even more strongly entrenched in some very bad behavior patterns ...

there is no "right" answer here ... either you slam the door and refuse to replay the same old scene or you leave the door open ... the price of emotionally damaging relationships can be devastating ... no matter how much you love her and want it to "all be nice" won't make it so ... use your head not your heart ...

your wife needs to make major changes in how she values people, relationships and herself ... absent that, you'll just be signing up for act II of the same play ...

btw, i would lay off the pot smoking business ... it's her job to change and to convince you she's changed ... whether she chooses to smoke pot or not doesn't change that ... it would be better for you not to be laying down a bunch of rules and regulations ... your only requirement is that she has to give you confidence that she values your relationship and won't cheat again ... don't seek to control her ... that's a recipe for more failure ...