I got in a fight with a lady on the bus.

[swimboy]

There must have been something in the atmosphere the other day because that morning on the bus I had an altercation with a lady and I really enjoyed it.

I got on the bus and sat near the back and this large woman wearing a security uniform was having a loud and hearty conversation with someone near the front of the bus. I waited to see if this was going to be a brief exchange of pleasantries but they were in it for the duration. So I, with library book open on my lap, ventured, "Ma'am?" and got THE LOOK. "If you were to sit nearer to your friend, you could talk to each other quietly," I suggested. "WHAT!?!?!" I repeated what I thought was a very reasonable suggestion.

"YOU NEED TO STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS, THAT'S HOW PEOPLE GET HURT!" "I already know all your business, ma'am, I can hear every word you say." "HE'S TRYING TO TELL ME MY BUSINESS (to her friend near the front of the bus) HE THINKS HE GETS TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" "I didn't tell you to do anything, I only asked." "WELL THE DRIVER HASN'T SAID ANYTHING AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU SHOULD GET OFF OF THIS BUS AT THE NEXT STOP" "Now who's telling someone what to do," I said, never once raising my voice.

I don't think she really expected me to keep coming back, to go this many rounds with her, but she was getting wound up. She embarrassingly rang the wrong stop and yelled to the driver that this was not her stop, the next one, the next one.

At her stop, she heartily said goodbye to her very quiet friend, made a big show of thanking the driver, and then she threw back over her shoulder as she stepped off the bus, "OK, GAY MAN!" and looked mighty pleased with herself. “Oh,” I thought, “I am so busted.”

I found it all to be pretty exhilarating and it put me in a very good mood. Riding the bus you witness some interesting things from time to time, like the woman shaking a fragment of a folding chair and saying, "Richmond Boys' Club! Revelations Fifteen, Sixteen, and Seventeen!" But that’s another story for another day.