Reply #11: Good advice

[skygazer]

My first marriage ended pretty amicably - my husband and I had just been very young when we married and it didn't work. We remained friends, however, so it was easy to make it as easy as possible on our kids.

My second marriage was a nightmare and it took everything I had but I never, EVER said a bad word about that man in front of our son or my daughters. I gave it the old vague, "Sometimes things just don't work out," answer whenever they asked why we divorced and I gritted my teeth and was civil to him, never keeping him from his son.

My son went to live with him when he was 11. He was in Virginia, I in California. From that day to this, I've seen him only once because his father blocked every effort I made.

However, my son is 19, loves me unconditionally, calls me frequently and knows who the asshole was because I kept my mouth shut and his father did not. He loves his dad but recognizes what a jerk he was about me. It is worth it to try for your kids. They will understand eventually.